Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi,
I'm new on here but think an outlet for my emotions and fears is a healthy alternative to always keeping it in. Can't show pain to the kids and new great husband tries but he's not stressing with it like me which is okay. So I have my kids 80% of the time. I live in ca and my ex lives in va. We don't get along still, he's a total loser who gets most his funds from his parents (can't keep a job longer than a year) and parities with people I know are the same way. He's not trying to coparent and acts like a nasty, butt hurt 13 year old. He is always saying I'm a gold digger who married my sugar daddy which is total bull, it's the only thing he can think to say to hurt me. I met my husband on eharmony and we dated 6 months before myself and my two kids came to live with him(ex agreed and signed consent papers) My husband and I are very much in love and expecting a baby in 3 months (a boy). I think I'm a pretty great mom, my kids love me and I make sure they are busy and in activies. They do Taekwondo, violin and kumon for extra academics. I don't work outside the house but with my husbands income it's not needed. Okay I think that covers the basics so here is my issue.
Even with having my kids most the time its very hard for me the times they are gone. Spring break, Christmas and 8 weeks during summer. I feel I go into depression and it's not getting easier. His family and I hate each other. They disrespect me and my exs dad was found to have inappropriate sexual fantasies about me which made me feel violated in short. They try to distract my kids (9,5) from calling me and they stay at the grandparents house when they come to va because my ex does not have an appropriate place to have the kids stay. I don't connect with other woman due to feeling I have this deep pain that no one can relate to and everyone I know turns away when I'm sad or need support. Makes me feel useless to the woman around me and like they don't care at all. I feel so alone when my babies are gone and I cry almost everyday. Like I mentioned I'm 6months pregnant but it's hard to handle the emotions. I don't have parents (mom was very adusive and dad left me emotionally and physically for Thailand almost 7 years ago, marries a tramp,we don't talk) 6 brothers are all out of country and don't care about me either. I guess I just want to not feel like the only one carrying this pain and maybe get some advice on how to not just survive but feel happy when my most precious people leave me.
love
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I'm feeling down,, and got alot on my mind right now. I got grief going on, on top my depression and anxiety and now I got to worry about somewhere to live since I can't afford living here since my mom passed. So many bad things have happened since my mom passed. One thing after another it seems. Yesterday our fence fell from a storm that hit, had to call someone to prop it up. Thank...
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
I was always called gold digger yet i live alone, pay my bills, and he said that all the way through court. Sometimes they just need to put us down, but it was so bad it didn't bother me i expected it. I knew as a mom I was doing best I could.
I can relate to no support seeing as I am not close to anyone. It's been hard road because of having no-one struggling getting good boxes when I first moved. I feel over last year the strength I have I can feel.
I just try to do stuff for me when kids are gone. I love and adore them, but i just use it as me time.......and for me i also try to work more when he has them.
It gets easier. As I tell my kids this is how it is we have to adapt. We both have rights to see our kids. But my heart has felt broken alot along the way.
Second, its only natural to miss your kids, especially when you are with them so much of the time. You need to come to accept it, though, as long as they are safe and fed, even if the grandparents are doing it. Not fair you can't seem to stay in contact with them when they are there, but until they have their own phones there isn't much that can be done. Its healthy for them to have some connection to their family. As they get older they will be able to make their own decisions on whether to continue or not. Until then you need to at least let it happen.
Try to stay busy to keep your mind off them being gone. Clean, find a project, fix up the baby's room, something. I know its not that easy, that the mind will wander back, especially when you lay down at night.
Big hugs. Everything will be alright.
The other child may be sad about it or just see it as the norm?
Having your young ones go off to a place where you worry about their care, their happiness and their ability to communicate with you, is probably a million times worse. But, it's something you have to let happen. I doubt it'll ever be easy, but do your best to play up the 'adventure' aspect of the trip for them. If those distraction activities you mentioned aren't fulfilling for you, then you might just need to fake it for awhile, and keep trying, keeping yourself busy. And this is where speaking to a therapist might be useful, if you're able to open up with one. I saw our marriage counselor two times by myself, and she brought so much clarity to what I was experiencing and why I was feeling what I was. I know many people here see a therapist on a regular basis. I think when we're suffering, we incorrectly think that so many others around us have their act together and are blissfully happy.
When my youngest was 9 months old, I joined the local Mom's Club. We had just moved, it was the dead of winter, my husband had left for a week long golf trip, I didn't know a soul, and I was so lonely. It ended up being one of the best experiences I've had. I don't open up easily, but this group is pretty low stress and everyone has at least one thing in common: they're moms. One of the friendships I made there has carried over 18 years later. This is something you might try, too.
Good luck!