Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Advice on friends

Shaner23
Shaner23

So my ex quit his job and I just contacted him to say hey u need to let the child support office know where ur working and what about the kids insurance and of course that threw him in a rage cause he didnt want or plan on paying anymore, then he proceeds for 3 days to send me messages and bible quotes and let me know he knows everything going on in my life. So I figure it has to be my friend who I knew since I was 14 cause hes the only one I knew of that has hung out and talks to my ex. Well that infuriates me because well first my ex did so much wrong to me but of course my friend has maintained he didn't do anything to me so hes still my friend.  So I tell my friend we cant be friends because he tells my ex everything and he stated I didnt tell him anything that mattered but it does to me cause my ex just used it as ammo. My friend and his wife was like ur letting that ruin our friendship whatever, my guy friend said u cant tell me who I can be friends with.  His wife said its between you and ur ex and isnt our deal. Um hello ur husband caused more trouble because while he was hanging with my ex he was running his mouth. I feel sometimes cutting them out as friends was a good ideal but I also wonder if I did. I was friends with them 20 years. So any advice, they also said how do u know he isn't hearing it from someone else? True I dont know 100 who told my ex what but I feel like I cant trust my friend,  as long as hes friends with my ex. 

GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
Would it be possible to never talk about your ex when you are with these friends? Even if they bring him up, you shut that down and change the subject. It does seem they are telling him the things you say, so maybe don't tell them anything. Since you know your ex will use it against you.Talk about anything else. Also, is he under court order to pay child support and their insurance? If so, contact your lawyer. Or the court. Or the child support office.... you call them.
Good luck.
Shaner23
Shaner23
The problem lies in they are telling him things going on not stuff I say, like for example my son blew the motor in his car and just stuff going on including me going to a gym. He is ordered to pay support and the insurance, I have contacted my lawyer she sent a letter to his lawyer so we will see, I'm also going to child support office too.
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
I would suggest taking a break from these friend(s) because they sure aren't acting like your friend. Obviously you know they are running and telling your ex stuff about you, and that is not cool of your friend to do. Maybe take a break from them for awhile. Especially with this child support issue that is currently going on. The friend might go tell the ex something that could damage your chances of continuing to get child support. Not worth the risk, right now especially,
patti22
patti22
Quiting a job isn't an excuse to not pay child support.
KaleidoscopePictures
KaleidoscopePictures
That's really tough. I know what it's like when friends who have been friends of you as a couple are kind of stuck behind a rock and a hard place. I also know what it's like when someone you thought you could trust breaks that trust by discussing things with your ex that he or she should keep confidential.

There are some friends who just do not do a good job of keeping things confidential, so I am learning to be selective about what I share with certain friends. I like pp's idea of shutting the conversation down or changing the subject whenever they want to bring up him. It will frustrate them at first, but hopefully they will get the message.
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