Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have been with my husband for 20 years. He has been a decent guy and I trust him. He is starting a new career driving trucks and it takes it's toll on his body and mood. He has nerve and back problems and he's a refugee from a war that left him with ptsd. I love him, but he unloads on me constantly. He is obsessed with my brother, who lives with us and just lost his job, and his lack of contribution. He screams at me about him daily. I don't agree with my brother's laziness, I wish he would clean the yard or do some dishes or help with our father who had a stoke, but that said he keeps to himself and doesn't come to the front of the house much.
The issue is I am overwhelmed with things as well. I turn to alcohol to unload. My husband doesn't drink and hates it when i do. I am pretty wild when i drink, and in my 40s so it's not pretty. I fell last night and totally messed my face up and landed in the ER. I am ashamed and of course my husband is angry as he was working while i made a fool of myself. The truth is I don't know how to deal with his rage and bitterness and not let it poison me. He tries, but he wants me to constantly emotionally coddle him and I'm spent. Is it worth breaking up a family? We have two boys who would be profoundly impacted if we seperated. The thing is I'm just not happy. I feel like fighting is what we do. If you were in the room you wouldn't think we love each other to hear the vicious circles we get caught in. I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to fix myself. I am happy when i drink..until I'm not and I'm blasted.
My husband is envious that he hears me laughing if I hang out with my brother. He thinks I should treat him the same way. My brother is funny and playful as a person. My husband is not. I just don't have that relationship with him. I wish we were playful with each other but it's stamped out by his intensity. I am scared to even consider the dating scene these days. I have put on weight and pregnancy left stretch marks. I worry i will never find love again. I worry that if I stay I will be trapped in an unhappy marriage..
Sorry that you've hurt yourself and I hope that your face is healing properly.
Best to you,
Remiah
I do appreciate your perspective and thank you for taking the time to write it down.
It is amazing how much diffently things look when not seeing them thru the bottom of a bottle or glass.
Your last words, within this latter-comment, seem so much more sober, wiser and humbled than the original post. I notice this quite well as I read very carefully. Perhaps you only need an understanding ear or eyes, in this case. I see a full-heart in your words now.
Divorce bounces here and there much like a silly frog with weak aim, leaping ignorantly from the mouths of many frazzled couples, all struggle at times, and great errors of words will undo the nerves of any one of us, married and single.
Yes, so easy it is to blame those that we love so much for our shameless faults. Yet you only need to listen to your husband at times, especially as conversation shifts to the rough. Then, not every word coming from your husband needs an answer right away; at times soft action will disarm a bad situation. When pinned to the wall, simply walk away, relax, put on soft music and the two of you "hush-up" for a few moments. Slow dance. And feel the weight of his soul as he touches you. Love will take over from this point, and in a few moments, nothing you had said will seem nearly as important. Nature has a way of having the last word, I promise you. And it's never too late to say, "I'm sorry. Please give me another chance, my love"
You are so very welcome and I am glad that you've shared and opened up with something very personal and deeply uncomfortable to you. Just lay the great errors to rest for now, and forgive yourself, as you write these words, and I quote you: 'I have some serious thinking to do about the direction of my life and taking responsibility for my own happiness.' Very well written and carefully thought through your loving heart. You know the rest of the story, dear one. Finish it well. I have faith in you. :-)