Please try not to. I just made that mistake and I feel horrible now. I let him hurt me by giving him power.Letting go is the hardest thing to do...but holding on hurts even more. I know how you feel. Some days I can hardly breath. ..right now is one of those moments.

Cheryt, you are correct again! Only a minute ago I was tempted to check my messages, but I chose to log on here instead. Thank you for your wise advise. It is day 17 of no contact for me. I am better, but I do get these setbacks. Mark, you are freshly "wounded". Try be strong. And yes, do not talk to the people who's giving you these news about her! I too am somewhat in the same boat because my ex sees my brother. So I told my brother not to tell me anything about him and I stopped talking to my brother for now - at least until my heart won't bleed every time I hear what is happening to him.

Be strong Mark. There are plenty of good ladies who deserve you. But right now, you are wounded and you can not focus on anything but your grief. There is nothing wrong in letting go of your emotions you know. Cry if you must, wail, punch a pillow or punching bag. I find tiring yourself out (go for extensive walks) helps because it releases the endorphins in the brain which combats depression and it tires you out naturally to sleep enough without the aid of sedative. Keep on being strong.

Good for you, Tessa! The only person that gets hurt when we reach out to our ex is us. Stop hurting yourself.

Mark, you are making the choice to lay awake at night and imagine what she's doing. How about you change your thought process and focus on something other than her. You are in med school, yes? Study until you're ready to fall asleep. Keep refocusing yourself on things other than her. You can do it if you put your mind to it. Stop talking to her roommate. She does you no favors by telling you these things. She's not your friend. Take back your power from this woman who doesn't deserve it.

Mark, show yourself some respect. Take the advise you would give yourself if you were advising a friend you cared about.

Thanks everyone!
I thought i was doing well... I didn't realize that she actually betrayed me completely and now that i know, it crushed me again.
She did this. Not me.
I have to be responsible for my things, i spent a lot of time taking the blame for the demise of the relationship, but....She did these things, not me.
I am not the best person in the world, but I don't cheat, I don't lie about important things, and I don't jump into bed with the first person i see just because things are hard.
I will heal, and she will not.
I will try and be strong, but I know I will be back here, when i fall apart next.

Mark, it is also time to tell this person who are bringing you these tales to stop doing it because you don't want to hear any more. Why allow this person to bring you tales to torture you with?

The relationship is over, the talk is only causing you to want to get to her to have it out with her (which with your anger will only go very bad)--and truthfully, you don't even know for sure if what the person is saying is really true. She may have left that person in the dust for carrying untrue tales.

Let her go, drop this teller of tales, continue with NO CONTACT and therapy is necessary. And it's really none of your business what she does now. If all of this gets to you and you try to find out more of what she is doing now, it will look like you are trying to stalk. Do drop it all, practice slowly breathing.

thanks AsTimeGoesBye, the person who told me was a friend who saw them making out. Her room mate then also told me that it was true. This is her room mate and her best friend and she told me that i deserve better, and believe me they are not people telling tales. There is nothing else to know. Apparently none of her friends are happy with her behavior, not necessarily concerning me, but just in general.
I am not a stalker, I have moved country away from her. You say it is none of my business but really it has to do with the end of our relationship. The end of the one i thought was the last relationship i had.
There is nothing more to say. I'm hurt as much as i can be, what can i find out any more that could add to this?
She ditched me for someone else, and she found him while we were together. Well well. That is all there is to that story.
I'm not doing ok, and i'm the victim here, not the stalker. She has fucked with my life and she doesn't even care now.
I wish on all these people that have done cruel things, i wish on them the pain and suffering that they have brought to us.

Mark - I know you are hurting right now and the pain is very raw. I want to share a quote with you that a friend shared with me months ago but it wasn't until really recently that I began to see the truth in it.

"Living well is the best revenge"

I hope this brings you a tiny bit of hope one day.

Mark, surely your GF was not a perfect Goddess?? Think of any of her negative traits. A few minutes ago, I found the SMS sent by my ex in which he snarled at me for waking him up (I wanted to talk to him). I felt anger then and thought "what a low-life ass-*ole!- sleep if you want, but take the nightmares I am sending your way!" And I felt better after that.

His negatives outweighed his positives. I know I might have a setback tomorrow or next day. But I will fight this rather than keep pining for someone who don't deserve me. Try and do the same Mark. Do not allow the past (happy memories) to over rule the present (her dumping you, her betrayal and your suffering).

Do you not have a high moral standard? Is lying a routine part of your life? If you are not this type of person, then stop pining for her because you simply can not trust her. Based on what you've been telling us about her, I am beginning to wonder if she is Personality Disordered?? Look into i because there are different criteriast. (I do know what I am talking about because I work in Mental Health).

Mark,
You have every right to feel the emotions you're feeling...hurt, betrayal, anger. It's such a helpless feeling to have someone who you thought loved you as much as you loved them walk out and leave you like you, and the time you spent together, meant nothing. I've often wondered, how is it, that someone else can make a decision that totally re-routes your whole life and you have absolutely no "say so" in the matter? And, worse yet, you just have to suck it up and move on.

It's been a little over a year since my ex walked out on me. There have been so many times that I've had weak moments and was on the verge of breaking no contact. But, after thinking about it just a few more minutes, was SO glad I didn't. Stay strong...even when things seem unbearable.

((((((HUGS)))))

Of course she wasn't a perfect Goddess cus she lied to you, cheated on you and had you spinning your wheels. But, she is not making you take this medication, you decided to do that. Sure, the thoughts of her sleeping with someone else is killing, just as it is to most of us, but you are choosing to medicate, which appears to NOT be helping.

I agree to shift your focus as best you can. Study till you pass out, watch something funny on tv, even if you lose your focus while watching it, you have to remind yourself to refocus and pay attention to what you are reading, watching or doing. Its a will inside of you that ONLY you can do.

You can choose to continue to medicate, not sleep and continue to wallow in this mess, or stand up straight, hold your head high and know she is a lying cheating ho that deserves her 14 year old life as you move on thru med school. and meet someone who does fit you, cus clearly, she is not the one for you.

btw... don't call her or try to get what you "think" you need for closure, that ship has come in to port and sailed out again cus you have that closure by her actions. Let it go man.

Mark - I DO understand where you're coming from. While my X was cheating, but it wasn't confirmed, I literally thought I was "crazy" and couldn't understand why. When I found out, I knew Iwasn't crazy, but holy hell...now I had to think about THAT?

Yes, it sucks big time. You have all these questions about them, yourself, you two as a couple...but, the bottom line is, there isn't going to be an answer that is satisfactory. Not at all. She could answer every question you have, but when it comes to WHY she did it, you will be left angrier, sadder, etc.

I agree with everyone else. Don't contact her. You know she is a liar and cheater, so she's not going to be all of a sudden honest.

Hell, I've been divorced since 2010, and I just found out, a couple months a go, that my X had been cheating on me for 15 months instead of the 9 I thought. See? Even when you're REALLY done...they still lie.

As long as you see yourself as a victim you can't heal. You are not a victim. You dated someone that cheated on you and lied to you. You broke up. That does not make a victim. You are victimizing yourself by continuing to get information on her to make yourself feel even worse. You are doing this to yourself, and you need to stop it now. Tell your "friends" to stop giving you information or you'll stop talking to them. It's over, and you want to move on. Then do it! Move on with your life. She's one bad experience in an entire lifetime. Don't make your future about your past. You have such a bright shiny future ahead of you. Be proud of your accomplishments and know that you didn't deserve this, but this is what you got anyway, so learn from it. No one is perfect, and we all handle sadness in our own way. But only you can pick yourself up and turn your attention elsewhere. You can do it!

Mark
I'm sorry you are going through this. It has taken me 4 years. Yes 4 years to accept and realize I was used betrayed cheated on then dumped. I am now in counseling to finish the after math. You might consider some counseling. We think we are going to be with someone forever and our whole wirld is turned upside down. Hang in there. It will get better. Face it, think about it, talk about it and stay busy.

Mark,,,
I know how you feel... I had my ex's brother tell me today he thinks I should be tested just in caes he lied and was fooling around before he told you...
I know the lies and betrayal are so hard to take... they just cut you to the quick... it hurts everytime you figure out another one.
folks are right though.. they lie.. your girlfriend... my husband...
They protect themselves or think they are with the lies...
We have to move on.. you do and I do.. there is nothing back there for us... but lies and betrayal.. nothing good for us.

We deserve so much better than this.

I am beaten right now.. a bit but I am going to do my best to move on.

Good night.. hope you feel better in the morning.