Yes - don't call her. Since she's lied you really can't expect truth out of her now, and would you believe what she had to say anyway? Why? Why open the wound that is healing? No good will come of contacting her. How have you been feeling since you went no-contact? Isn't it worth your sanity to not contact her now? Don't do it!

I know, but now I am hurt even more, How can someone who loved you so much do this to you? How can they have the balls to go and do it! I can't believe this is even real unless i hear it from her.
i'm hysterical right now, i apologize, she probably wouldn't even answer the phone.

How did you find out if you didn't hear it from her?

I think even from before it was clear she had moved on - she is your ex - she is allowed to move on. I know that's not what you want to hear - but she is your ex. Why, if you didn't hear it from her, do you need to have it verified? She had moved on 18 days ago - and the situation is still the same. How does this information change it? Because she lied to you? Are you surprised that she lied? What is it going to change if you confront someone you are no longer dating/in a relationship with about the fact they lied to you? Is she going to stop being your ex? Do you think she is going to feel the pain she caused you?

Leave it be. She's allowed to date. Yes it sucks. But you need to start focusing on you and your life. Focus on your job, your career, your friends and family - set some goals for you. Stop focusing on her so much. I know its harsh - we all here have been through similar - but there is nothing you can do - nothing that will change. She is your ex. My now ex-husband started to date while we were still married - he cheated on me. It was out of my control. Move on with your life. She is no longer an issue.

xoxo

Perhaps she didn't love you as much as she said she did. She is a liar, so nothing she said/says can be trusted. Believe me, you will set yourself back if you contact her. Remember, she lies. She will continue to lie to you. You will never know if you're getting the truth or not. And in the end, what does it matter? You 2 are broken up. She's no good for you. Time to put her in the past and look to your bright, shiny future. Be done with her. Tell whoever is giving you information to stop it. It's not helping you.

She is your ex. She is allowed to date. Let it be and focus on your own life.

I'm telling you now that if you contact her you will only hurt more because she will reject you. How can you even have love someone who don't even respect you? Relationship is not one way. If it ceases to be nurturing and supportive, then it is not a relationship and you are better off without her. You need to let her go and open your heart to someone else who will give you what you deserved. Why not list all her positive and negative traits and see what you come up with? In my opinion, if she was brazen enough to flirt with another guy in front of you, she is either not right in the head, or she's just not into you! Sorry to be so blunt.

thanks for your posts, she also knew this guy when we were together, that is what is bothering me so much. I thought i was being paranoid.

Well now you know you're not paranoid. She lied. She's a liar. Let her be a liar with someone else. You gain nothing by talking to her, and will lose much (18 days of no contact).

I also emphasize to you that she is your ex and she is free to do as she pleases. If you think you can call her up and say what you please, it's when you later can find yourself hit with a protective/restraining order for threatening her or harassing her. Nothing good will come of it.

You don't break contact. What you do learn is that you have good reason to be broken up with her and NOT RETURN TO HER.

When you contact her, you immediately give your power back to her and you will get very hurt, plus you could find yourself smacked with a court order. Let everything you find out just confirm that it is good she is in your past and that for your future, you will set the bar higher for women you want in your life.

This has set me back a lot.
Thanks for your comments, I'm just hurt beyond words again....
I thought it was bad, it turns out to get worse and worse the more i hear.
She is my ex, i understand, but that doesn't make it ok. What she did was wrong and bad. So suddenly she shakes off responsibility by being my ex?
I don't know what to do any more.

If you have not already done so look into individual counseling and I just joined a infidelity survivors group thru BAN. I is nice to know you are not alone and everyones stories are very similar with the lies. Hang in there!

There's nothing you CAN do, except move on. Whether she takes responsibility or not is not your concern. You are broken up. You are set back now. Imagine how set back you'll be after contacting her and not getting the satisfaction you want. You can't MAKE her take responsibility. She lies so deflect responsibility. That's not someone who will accept responsibility. Please tell whoever is giving you information to stop it. They are hurting you, and you are letting them. You should go no-contact with them as well.

Mark - I am so sorry you are going through this. Please listen to everyone and do not contact her. I know you want answers but trust me you will not get the answer you are looking for. I too can totally relate as it seems everyday (4 months since my ex left) that I continue to find out things that just hurt me more...just when I think there can be nothing else I get knocked down again.

Be strong, don't contact her and take care of yourself. I know you probably don't want to hear this but you need time to heal. Take it one day at a time and focus on you. You are the only person you have control over. You have no control over what she did to you in the past but you sure as hell have control over your life moving forward.

Hugs to you!

thank you so much everyone. As ALD says, it has opened fresh wounds for me. I have just heard from her best friend and room mate that she doesn't recognize her anymore. That she is acting like a 14 year old and she thinks she is living her life.
i have let this crazy nut job control my life and my actions and my feelings. She sent me this BS letter about how she needed to be by herself and all that crap, and she is doing all of this.
She was not like this before...
But i have to accept that she is now, that she is toxic extremely toxic.
Now i have to go to bed every night and imagine how she is sleeping with this guy.
I feel worse than when i first was dumped actually. To know all of this. Jesus, was i blind? or was this some horrible coping mechanism?

Do not contact her. You seem to be really hurting and the contact is not going to help you get better. I understand she lied but she is just going to continue too if she will even speak with u. In the long run, you are who is important and finding a way to move on