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A few issues I've addressed

Rman
Rman
OK, so it's been about 8 months since my wife and I officially separated and I'm beginning to open my eyes to the reality of the situation. Here is my perspective:

I lived in denial, as I knew she checked out some time ago, yet failed to accept that fact.

She is completely over me and has moved on with her life.

I'm not completely over her, have filed for bankruptcy, in the foreclose process with my home and I'm scared of what lies ahead.

I have many questions that will never be answered, such as could I have done anything more to make the marriage work? Would this have made a difference? Why doesn't she feel the same way as I do? Why is it so easy for her move on, while I'm still pretty devastated.

I miss what we once had together.

I am trying to accept this as a reality and slowly moving away from denial.

I see that my life is not over and there may be a wonderful life out there for me, some day.

I'm grateful for the things I do have in my life.

I'm not alone.

I've learned that reaching out to family and friends is always better than keeping things inside.

I've really got no other choice but to face this head on, do the best I can with what I have and realize that we only get one life. I've been pretty much masking the reality with denial and other distractions.

Today I'm going to use whatever positive I have inside me and put it to work.

Just felt that I needed to say this out loud, so that it gives me something to work off of...

Hope everyone is doing as well as they can at this moment. I'm not, but I will try...
TML67
TML67
Hang in there Rman, You are taking all the right first steps, remember don't deny yourself the right to break down and feel all the emotions don't try to suppress them or sweep them away, you need to purge your body and soul those emotions.....as hard as that is.

My other point to you is focus on you be selfish learn about yourself and don't try and think what she is doing....this will hurt your recovery.

Peace
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yeah, denial... so many of us did that.

You're a good man Rman and I like the way you're approaching it.

Sorry about it all and try not to worry if you could have done anything to change the outcome. That's a crazy maker.. because the answer is most likely not.
patti22
patti22
Rman, sometimes we live with pain so long that we just get used to it. I think you might be surprised how much your life can get better in the coming years. That said, it's a bumpy rollercoaster between here and there.

Healing Hugs,
Patti
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm right in the same boat, brother. It is a horrible, painful experience but you need to put one foot forward. Then another. Keep doing it. Keep busy, exercise, stay healthy, keep going. It will get better.
deleted_user
deleted_user
shedding denial is liike waking up
and it sounds like you've finally woken up from your bad dream


losing a house and filing for bankruptcy would scare the crap out of me, but I can see how it would also be freeing, cutting off the albatross from around your neck

you always sounded so exhausted and sad and overworked every night

maybe now you can have a life being something other than the captain of a sinking ship
Misred
Misred
Yes....I have a lot of unanswered questions too. Most likely we will never know the real truth. And since some of the stuff I do know is pretty scary....I find comfort in not knowing all of it.

Hang in there. It can get better. Look at it as pruning off dead branches. You will be able to adapt and re-route that energy so you can grow again.
JennyMe
JennyMe
i love you friend. and i am proud of you. you can never slay the demons unless you actually face them first. we are here for you. every shitty step of the way.

subway sc perv clock sick depressed cmu twins
deleted_user
deleted_user
You know who your friends are, baybay.

XOXO
sandysan5743
sandysan5743
You can only try. Just make sure you try a little harder every day. You'll make it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can relate with the financial problems. I can tell you this much, it's not as bad as it seems at first. You can build yourself back up rather quickly.

I think many of us have felt the pain at one point or another, realizing that we were not loved as much as we previously thought. Just be sure that you don't equate your worth in relation to your wife deciding to leave.

I'm glad to see that you are wanting to do what you can to get rid of the denial and work through these feelings you're having.

Hang in there doll.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I feel as though you ripped a page right out of my book! I can relate to every single thing you said. Sending you ((HUGHS)) Try to be strong and focus on the good in your life! Each day that passes you will become a little stronger !!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Rman I am sorry you are going through this. I believe that people have been going through what you are for the time you have been on here.
deleted_user
deleted_user
omg you are talking to the queen of denial here....my husband checked out of our marriage emotionally within the first year. Only I refused to accept it. I've grown enough to know now that he is not capable of this type of relationship. He tried to tell me he was a loner when we were just dating, but I didn't understand. I thought it was a phase or a side effect of his miserable childhood. I never believed he would stay that way. But...he has...it is who he is and more importantly, who he WANTS to be.

I am a classic case of "I wish I knew then what I know now".
deleted_user
deleted_user
dude...as a fellow dude ,I can relate with alot of your post...been on my own 6 +months...theres been alot of good feedback here for you,and if I can add something...as men we seem to have to be stronger or not "feel" as women do...Im here to say that it doesnt matter,hurting is hurting....as Im making my way through this,its gotten alot better by just appreciating the peace in my life now because the biggest hurdle was "what more could I have done to make it work?"---in my heart I gave everything I could----and Im sure you did too...and speaking from experience and as others have posted----we were in love with the "image" in our mind of marriage...also Im a little bored w/life now but you know what?---Idont have the drama of trying to keep a marriage going that she(and I to a degree) checked out of long ago- because lets face it ---is that really why or what we got married for?----thats a lil rough to believe at first but its actually quite liberating to have a clean house,a happy daughter and the boob tube to just enjoy life.. one last point,give yourself credit for the stuff you are doing...that doesnt mean youre just "surviving"it means youre living...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Just want to say, I really like this thread... such great feedback. Hugs Rman