I really hate myself right now...of all days to be "having a bad day" the day of the meetup. I freaking hate myself for crying over this sham of a marriage, how this will affect the kids, and someone who obviously didn't give a shit enough about us to not let this happen. God, I love the man and I know I need to love myself more. I feel bipolar..thinking I'm doing well and them bammmm...hit rock bottom again. WTH? I really think this pain will kill me in the long run, even tho' to most I hide it so well you'd never know. It's my alone time in this house or whereever that it really hits me...really hard! I'm just sick of it all..being exhausted, having puffy eyes, but honestly, I cannot help the way I feel...I'm trying so hard so hard to move past this...but it cuts me to the core. Sorry to vent and whine people, I thought I was so much better I guess I just needed to see how I felt in black and white.
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