Yes, it is normal to feel like you can't go on when you are going through a hard time.
As long as you realize that this is your hurt heart talking, that you are tired and things will get better, I think you are okay.
Not normal would be having joy when thinking about dying and having a concrete plan of how you would kill yourself and lingering in that state for some time.
If you are unable to perform normal daily activities, then you probably need some meds.
Many people resort to medications for situational depression. We have to do what we have to do to keep going .

I am so sorry this is so painful. You will be okay.. Just get whatever help you can get to get through this.

As far as your ex goes, he is manipulating you. Remember who he really is and this kissy-huggy crap is NOT why you are leaving him. You are leaving him because he is capable of very bad behaviour and this is the real him.
Stay strong

Why isn't he blocked?

Listen, when I was getting divorced I prayed for the same thing. I just didn't want any more pain and stress.

I'm still surprised I'm still here.

Part of you is looking for the easy way, and thinking this time MAYBE it will be different. Only you know if you want to go through that one more time to end up in the same place. Only older, with another betrayal under your belt.

I'm glad you're going to speak to your therapist. Unless you like his begging, you need to block him.

It's not we easy. We all want peace. Think about yourself 5 years from now.

Do you want the merry go round with this guy, or the possibilty of a healthier life with someone that truly cares for you?

I know you guys are right. I just could never had imagined this pain. My chest literally hurts. I should have blocked him of course, but I'm like an addict looking for the next high. I get it intellectually but my brain can't seem to convince the rest of me. I don't want to die, but I don't want this either and while I know it has to get better I simply can't imagine it right now.

You're right. You're an addict.

He will control you until you break that pattern in yourself.
Maybe time to deal with that? Ask your therapist!

It's not a xanax, but this was in my inbox today. Take care of yourself.



May 31, 2016
A Self-Healing Day
Time For Wellness
by Madisyn Taylor


A beautiful gift to yourself is a day of healing and nourishing just for you.


Human beings carry within themselves the seed of healing. Our choices affect us more than we realize, and it is because of this that we tend to place responsibility for our wellness in the hands of others. As beneficial as regular visits to a healer can be, we have the power to heal ourselves at will. When we dedicate a day to the pursuit of wellness, we can relax and renew ourselves in a nourishing and comfortable environment. A sincere desire to open ourselves to the highest realities of our physical and spiritual selves is the key to self-healing so that healing energy can flow into us unimpeded.

A self-healing day should address the vital needs of the self as a whole while directing healing energy where it is needed most. Solitude is an important part of the process as is the ability to take refuge in a space that is both beautiful and peaceful. Start your healing day by setting the intention that you are dedicating this time to healing yourself. Flowers, candlelight, incense, and music can guide our focus toward a more tranquil state. For a more intense session, try listening to music through headphones since tuning out can help you tune in. It is up to us to decide what we need to do to cultivate wellness in our lives. For some, it may be time spent in reflection. Others will turn to calming activities that help them remember their purpose, such as journal writing, being in nature, or studying. Our healing may even take a more direct form as we use color, sound, or crystals to balance and ground ourselves.

Ultimately, your wholesome intentions transform what might otherwise be a simple day of rest into a day of healing. Grant yourself permission to relax and savor the stillness. If you attune yourself to the calm around you, worldly distractions will be minimized and the unadulterated flow of your consciousness will reestablish itself in the forefront of your mind. The needs of the body, the heart, and the soul will then be revealed to you, empowering you to tap into the essential healing energy of the universe. The mechanism you use to channel this energy will be dependent on your shifting requirements, so each day of healing you enjoy will be unique. All will replenish you, however, allowing

Sarah seek out coda or alanon mtg, you are
At your bottom and there is one way and That
is up. I just sat in my alanon mtg for almost two
Years just listening and crying, i was seeing a
therapist Too.

My therapist could help me to a point the rest
Was my job. Untangling the web that held me
I am still doing it. There are no quick or easy
fixes for what ails us.

I come from it and married it and my ex was
No where near as bad as yours. Mine has been
Dry for 30 years and only really acting out really
bad Since 2011. It brought me to my knees.

He Had been being nasty since 2003.

Hugs take care of you and stay safe there is
Hope, churches are good at this time, have you
Gone to divorce care?

TELL YOUR XAH TO STOP CONTACT OR YOU
WILL CALL THE POLICE FOR HARRASSMENT
CHARGES, I WOULD NOT MESS AROUND HIM.
HE WILL NOT STOP PLAYING YOU IF YOU LET
HIM. HE IS SICK.

Hugs Mirandac

If you know this upsets you then yes BLOCK him....you need to heal not be in mote misery and you must take care of you because noone else will. Mentally its draining you.
First thing I did was block mine and his fam on fb. We have kids so must text but its not even much. I only respond if i feel i need to for the kids.

I am learning self control amd that i am in charge of happy i truly am.

When you talk with your therapist, please ask her/him about trauma bonding. This happens more than we realize. This is a link to a description I wrote about it a while back. If your therapist hasn't heard of it, ask her to look into it. And know there is help for and you can feel better.

~healing hugs~

I guess it would help to actually post the link. :p)

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/19534739-trauma-bonding

Wow MTC thats quite a list, i dont belong there
Many do though. Thats why i try to be quiet
on DS emot & phy abuse site. Way out of my
League.

I was not in that bad of a situation and He
seemed normal for years. We lived a Normal
seeming life. Now i dont know what i Had.

((((((Hugs))))))

MyTrueColors, the trauma bonding list applies to me almost entirely. I will ask my therapist about it and will now google more info. Wow. Scary stuff, very real.

Sarah, it wasn't mean to scare you. It's meant to educate. Sadly, not all therapists understand the dynamics & effects of abuse & therefore may not be familiar with the concept of trauma bonding. And not all therapists are trained in trauma recovery techniques. The good news is that there are therapy modalities that do help. It may be a process of trial and error, because what works for me may not work for you.

I can't say it's normal, but you're not alone. I think the same thing all the time, I'll see a story about a cop getting shot in the line of duty, and how he had 3 kids, and a wife that are devastated. Or a cyclist that was run over, that was getting married in a week, etc. Good people that will be missed dearly, Then I wonder why would God take them over someone that doesn't have a family. Why can't I be sustituted so that family doesn't have to suffer.

At times I pray it will all end. When I am down I don't really care how it ends. I have something that keeps me grounded. My kids deserve more from me than just a memory.

Find your reason to go on and hold tight.