So sorry to hear and all your emotions are normal. Yes she does move fast and I feel she was seeing this person longer than she stated. Why the rush to introduce them to the boys? I think that is irresponsible, but let's focus on you.

You need to take care of yourself. Is there a counsellor you can see or if you are religious a pastor. You need help to sort through these feelings. It will be a rough ride. But you can do this. Try to keep busy when the boys are away. Go for a walk or run. Journal how you feel. And trust me you don't have to worry about being replaced. Your boys will love you forever regardless. So don't feel you have to compete.

Just take it one breathe at a time and do some physical activity to get through the angry, but be comforted by the fact that there will be good days and eventually good weeks and months ahead. Stay strong!

Your story is mine. After 24 years my wife wanted to split up March 2, she moved out March 24th, and is already seeing someone while I'm still picking up the pieces with our daughter who lives with me (she's 17 so not quite as bad as your situation but bad enough)
How can they move on so quick? I have no freaking idea.
Are u in for a rough road? Yup. I don't have any answers for you except I feel your pain and know what u are feeling. Our relationship was pretty non existent the last couple years but it was still a shock she pulled the trigger.
I guess all I can say is love your kids and make sure u stay in their lives. Let them know you are there for them. Absolutely sucks i know, sorry you are going through this too. Message me if u want. I'm on here a lot just getting support and trying to give some when I can

Thank you, it's just really hard. I've always been one to bottle up my emotions. She said that was one of the issues, but when we tried to discuss and resolve things, it always turned into a screaming match where she just nit picked things and yelled the nastiest and meanest things she could just to get her anger or frustration out, and of course that made me close up more.

I think I'm having a hard time with the "new guy" situation because it's the first time I've ever had to deal with it, and it's happening so fast. She's sworn to me that she met him a few weeks after she left and never had talked to him before. Honestly, I don't care. She had a two year affair during our marriage so I wouldn't put anything past her. But, there's nothing I can do about it now except deal with it.

I wish I had more friends to talk to, but I want unbiased opinions, not friends who have connections to me or here, hence why I am on here.

I have started riding my bike more, doing like 5 miles every day I have a chance. Only been 6 years since I rode it, so breaking back in slow. I have lost 16 lbs in two months due to stress, anxiety and depression.

Good job on the bike. I joined a gym shortly after she left just to have some outlet. I hear u on the new guy. My ex is seeing my daughters boyfriends dad. Talk about having no feeling for anyone else but herself. Had not a care how that might make everyone else feel. She's turned into a shallow selfish person and shortly after she left she lost her job she had for 17 years more than likely because they got fed up with the new her too. Well the new guy makes shit money so he can deal with her overdrafts and bills like I had to. Hope he enjoys that part of her too.

When these people leave us, it hurts, the rejection and pain stings, but they actually did us a favor. Change is scary and painful, but it is also good. Let the people they hook up with deal with them now. The have no integrity. They cannot be trusted, so let them go. We do not need people like them in our lives. It's better to be alone and be miserable than be with someone and feel Aline and miserable. We will learn new routines, learn how to live without them and learn to be happy again. We had a life before them and we will continue to have a life after them. They have served their purpose in our lives and now we are free! We have the opportunity to make new goals and work towards them. It's tough to accept, but sometimes we have to hit rock bottom to rise and realize our fullest potential. We dint have these toxic people to weigh us down. So we will have to work hard through the roller coaster and know that their will be calm after this awful storm. Chin up. Turn that frown upside down and work on a game plan, focus on new goals. Way to go on riding your bike. Keep riding!!!

Brother I am really sorry that you're in this situation. I think it's way too soon for her to introduce the boys to the new guy, if only because there are bound to be a dozen "new guys" on the horizon.

Let me tell you this: You will always be "Dad" to your boys. No matter what happens, you are their father and that is imprinted on their hearts and hard wired into their brains. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY is going to replace you. The new guy isn't competing for your job, but that doesn't mean there isn't room for him too in your boys' lives. So, hard as it may be, perhaps you should try to think of the new guy as being an addition, rather than a subtraction. It takes a village to raise children, and he can be a part of that village. That doesn't detract from, or even change, your role as "Dad." Hopefully he's a decent guy and will be a positive influence for them.

In any case, I think it's important for you to not show resentment or anger towards the guy. If you treat the situation as being totally organic and normal, then your boys will too. You need to show them that you are so comfortable and confident in your role as father, that you aren't insecure about another adult male in the picture. And if they like the guy, then they will want you to like him, too.

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going thru but I don't think she just met him recently. After our reconciliation try ended, my now ex was with her new guy in less than a week. In both of our cases, I think they met while we were in our respective relationships. With yours actuality having an affair during, I'd put money on it.

Like yours, mine moved on very quickly, leaving me an emotional basket case feeling the exact same feelings you are. Time will help you heal, my friend...please trust me on that. You right now feel the lowest of lows but it will pass with time. You've come to the right place here as we are here to help each other get thru the tough periods we face.

Hold your head up and know that you're not alone!

Thank you everyone! I'm digesting and accepting what you are all saying about always being their father. I know that, but it is still hard to deal with. I do appreciate everything that you have said.

How do I deal with the heartache of feel abandoned and inadeaquate? I knew it was coming, she checked out a while ago and told me she loved me, but wasn't in love with me, that she couldn't be intimate with me and other since New Year's, so the writing was on the wall and I had time to prepare, but it still hurts. And now with her onto some one else, and the fact that I can't even find someone to hang out with, makes the loneliness even worse. I know I shouldn't be pushing to find someone, but would be nice just to have someone to see a movie or a grab a drink with.

So it's a rough day. Barely two months from her moving out, finding out she has been seeing someone else for the last month and today she decided to introduce our boys to him. I don't know what to do. Having a hard enough time working through the divorce emotions, now I get to deal with her seeing someone else and bringing our kids into that relationship. I just don't get it!! I know it was going to happen sometime, but seems so rushed and fast. Our boys are young and probably dont really understand everything associated with the divorce, and now are being forced to deal with this new endeavor. There are days I can barely keep myself afloat, but now I have to been even stronger to give them the support they need and answer any questions they have about this new person. How do I do it? How do I keep going everyday?

I'm sorry for the what your family and you are going through,
sorry to say this but it sounds like she was with the dirtbag before she told you she was done with the marriage. either way it is was too soon to bring him around your kids, she should know that and he should know that but people can be pretty ffffffffffffffffing selfish.

You can't fix stupid and you can't fix selfish.

you can be a good father, keep trying to do right, be as age appropriate straight with you kids, don't blow any smoke their way, keep walking your walk with them, do what you say or don't say it.

Please get help by confiding in some people that you trust. no shame in telling anyone how deep the wounds are.

She is gonning to do what she pleases, you can't fight it or fix it. let her go and be a flake, sucks for your kids - you be straight with them, be a man ---- that is good for your kids and in the long run you

I can't believe ur ex already did that. I'm hurting for u too man. Just keep being that awesome dad to your kids like I try to be. Been a serious rough weekend for me and probably more of those to come.
Be there always for your boys they know you're their dad. That shit never goes away like other things. Your kids will be your strength.

Thank you Refurb and KBB for what you said. I have and will always continue to be there for my boys. No matter how bad I'm hurting, I wont let it show to them and I will always be their rock, there's no doubting that.

But, I don't know what to think about her new relationship, I know it's not really any of my concern, but it seems to be. She told me when she first started talking to him a month or so ago, she had a lot of anxiety about it and whether she was doing the right thing. I have to give her that at least she was honest and upfront about things, but that still doesn't stop the hurt. She told me they only spent about 2 hours around him today and it was nothing serious. But still, 2 months out is way too soon to be introducing 7 year olds to someone new. They are still probably processing mommy and daddy not being together anymore and now she's introducing someone new. I don't get it.

I work from home so I've been around my boys all the time since they've been born. And that created a lot of jealousy on her part, she wanted to be a stay at home mom, and she says that at one point I promised her that that would happen (i don't remember) so there was a lot of jealousy and animosity on her part as a result. She told me around Christmas that if the boys don't grow up to be smart and well-mannered, that she was going to blame me since I was around them all the time. Is it fair for me to say that if they develop emotional or mental issues from this point forward that it is a result of her behavior?

If she had a two year affair during the marriage, it doesn't surprise me that she moved on so fast and there's another man in the pix. Sounds to me like she was over her marriage long ago. So sorry for your situation - it's tough work to get over a divorce but we have no choice especially when the person is clearly showing us that they have moved on. That however doesn't make you inadequate or insignificant - you do not need ONE person to give your life purpose or validate you.

With regards her wanting to introduce the kids to the new man - there really isn't much you can do other than have a talk to her - sounds like if she's only met this man two months ago she should wait a lil longer before bringing him around the children - sounds like she's rushing - but again, all you can do is let her know how you feel but you can't prevent it - I wouldn't dwell on it too much unless you feel the kids are in danger - you have enough on your plate just trying to get your life together to also add to that her agenda, the new man, etc. Focus on you and seek counseling if you are having trouble coping.

I feel for you, these situations are so hard - but hang in there, it will get better.

Good luck.

Sorry to reply yet again to this, but I want to clarify a few things that people have talked about.

1) I don't think she was seeing or talking to the guy before. I had control over the cell phones in our house and I checked the phone records and her texts, and there was nothing out of the ordinary since Christmas.

2) Her rushing the kids to meeting the new guy, I'm not suprised. When I first met her, she had a 6 year old daughter from a previous marriage, and she introduced me to her the second time we were together, but she lived with her. It seems weird but after talking to her last night, they went swimming for an hour, had pizza and played some xbox, so nothing major. Said there were only there a couple of hours. And she said they wont see him again for two weeks or so.

Ok, now onto to some new questions........I know I have to be strong and move forward, and change things to make a better life for myself. I'm learning to deal with the loneliness and am working through it. But how do you deal with the small normal things? Like, we used to watch a few tv shows together every week. I enjoy those shows and want to keep watching them, but when I do I find myself looking for her on the couch next to me. I don't want to have to completely change my life just because she's gone.

On the topic of her new man, she's going away with him for a weekend fishing trip over Labor Day weekend. I asked her to go fishing with me a few times and she always said it was boring and wouldn't be fun, but now her new man asks and she jumps at the chance. I know, I know, it's just her trying to impress him, it's just the "wooing" phase, but still hard.

Any suggestions?

Try not to focus on what she's doing and what they are doing together. The less you know the better. Try to keep your conversions focused only in the kids. No need for small talk right now until you are healed. Limit your contact with her and avoid seeing her if you can. This is a difficult stage and a transition from then to now. Make new routines and traditions for yourself and the boys. Make goals and work towards them. Most importantly focus on you and your healing. She's living her life, start rebuilding yours. Hang in there.