Skramp-

I just got divorced from my husband of 27 years. In a nutshell, he cheated in 2010, said that he wanted to work it out, used me for money and other stuff for the next 3.5 years until I couldn't take it anymore and I asked him for a divorce.

I left at the end of December 2013 and I recently learned he's living with the original other woman he had the affair with back in the day. It hurts but there's nothing I can do about it except move on with my own life.

No contact is a huge help. I haven't spoken to him since February and I've had a few business type email exchanges regarding some loose ends in the divorce. Our kids are grown now so there is very little contact pertaining to them. I know your children are small but I would keep contact with her very business like. Don't ask her about her personal life because there isn't anything she's going to say that you're going to want to hear about.

Take time to heal but also take this time to go out and meet some new people. Now that you split custody of your twins, you have a little more freedom-enjoy that and use it to your advantage. The busier you are, the less time you will have to dwell on the negative aspects of divorce.

Look, chances are pretty good that when you take time to reflect on your marriage, you'll realize that things weren't that great when you were together. We tend to get stuck in comfort zones even when those zones are bad for us. We lose a lot when we divorce but sometimes it's addition by subtraction.

http://thevarmps.tumblr.com/

I've added a link to my blog about divorce. You might be able to relate

I'm very sorry for what you are going through as I can understand as I'm also dealing with major ongoing depression. All is I can say is that what I've learned from a devorce recovery group is that all these crazy wild emotions are normal. They explained that 85% of a grieving divorce or seperation person will be exhausted by the intense emotions leaving us with only 15% left to be used. I wish there was a way around the pain but the ways that seem to are a mask and lead to more pain. Please hang in there.

I can only say my heart goes out to you as I go through my second custody/visitation change which should have been done 2 years ago.

All I am trying to do since he remarried quickly, is lose weight, look my best and do things that will help me.

Eventually, I would like to share my life with someone else..... Not necessarily marriage.

All I can say is I really thought this was a decent mam and he checked out on my son x2 in the last 4 years seeing him only 8.5 days a month.

All my security, desire for one marriage and a happy family were gone very quickly.

I understand your pain and can only imagine how you feel. It is painful. And I am still rebuilding so I don't have all the answers.

Hang in there!

Hey, please don't focus on the ex any more, you don't need to know what she is doing, where she is going, who she is seeing. Only when it endangers your sons should you even question and ask. It's time to out focus on yourself so you can actually be functional and strong. That will be a requirement for your in your raising of your sons. I'm going through a similar situation right now, it's the hardest thing I have ever done, but I've realized there are things I can control, and things that I cannot. Have a positive attitude, and embrace the new normal. It's a new beginning. Get yourself figured out. Let go of the baggage, and meet new people! A also am an acid bike rider...it's the best therapy for me right now.

I see your situation from two sides and no matter who you are and what precipitated the divorces we all are hurting and have to move forward. When I read everything yall have written I sympathize. One of the reasons I probably didn't get decide to split up with my husband sooner was because I felt guilty, I didn't want him to be lonely, I didn't want him to be sad or miss me. I stayed in the marriage even though I probably shouldn't have and didn't want to because I cared about him and wanted him to be okay. Maybe this is how your wife felt and maybe some guys tend to make the leaving wife a evil ho- but a lot of times they've put up with a lot of crap and they have waited and tried until they just can't do it any more. I don't know your life- but I know mine- I've been married for almost 27 years and I've asked for the same things over and over with my husband- he's emotionally unavailable, stresses out too much about money, wants his way all the time, ignores me, rejects me, and every conversation I try to have with him ends up going no where because he twists everything around to make it go his way. The first time I was read to leave I was 25, he was miserable and I wanted to move out of town and he wouldn't do it, we weren't happy and he went on a business trip and slept with a stripper. Later that year I had an affair with a guy I met who made me feel pretty and wanted. We separated and got back together. I gained probably 50 pounds within months. I tried to be happy, I got pregnant, we loved our kids. We built a house, he didn't know what he was doing- he got stressed because our finances were crap, he withdrew, had an emotional affair or two and I spent nearly every night crying myself to sleep. We had to sell our dream house. I was ready for it to be over, he begged to try again. We did, it hasn't been good since except once in a while we laugh or have fun with our kids- but he hasn't really been that good to me in such a long time- and he just won't try hard enough. I have cried and worried about him but I can't anymore, I'm going freaking insane trying to fix this and I can't anymore- I'm done- eventually your heart breaks so many times you can't put it back together- that's my side of the situation- the leaving crazy wife- I so worry that's how it's going to be- Poor nice guy- people with say, such a great dad, he seems so sweet- she's must be nuts, that ho- I bet she's sleeping around- no one knows what goes through people's minds- that's why WE, YOU and ME- we have to know deep inside that we deserve what we need and want, that our happiness depends on no one else. We have to find it on our own and not let how other people talk to us or about us- or how people can or can't love us- because we ultimately need to care for ourselves first to make anything work.
If my husband had just tried to listen to his own voice, tried to fix all his issues and be a happy person it would've helped us so much- but now he's going to blame it on me. That's fine, because I won't have to put up with his crap anymore.