Vent away.. I'm right there with you!

I understand the need to vent, especially being away from family and friends. When you lose someone it's like a death, and it takes a while to recover. Just look at the simple things that make you smile if possible, that's what I'm currently working on. I'm heartbroken too!

i get it. I know.

You're in England? You have the opportunity of a lifetime and you should take advantage of that. Grab your camera, get out there and GO! See as much as you can! Drink in every sight, every smell, every sound. Think of this as your journey to self-discovery. What I wouldn't give to be where you are now. I had the chance to go many years ago and passed it up. I've regretted it ever since.

Carpe diem!

Thanks guys.
I am from Scotland and I moved here in September to study illustration.
I try to go visit places to get photos, try a bit of shopping in Manchester (the museum there is wonderful)
It is just very lonely so far. No one seems to connect though I am always friendly and up for a laugh.
It is a great opportunity so I feel bad when I think that he was meant to share it with me. I constantly see places, things etc that I would love to show him/get for him and take him to.

I miss real affection. But as I said in another post before I don't go out "looking for guys" or have one night stands as some people here suggested I should try (nope) just to feel affection in any way.
Gah. Like I said my mood should change.

One hug just for you Hurt!

http://www.youthblog.org/archives/calvin%20hug.jpg

Aw I do love Calvin and hobbs :.)
Thank you

I know how you feel and I know how sometimes even being in a beautiful scenic place can make us feel so alone, But do get out there and live - even if you cry - crying is soothing and healing. Don't give up - keep pressing. I know all about the void that you are feeling. It will pass. I know it doesn't feel that way right now but it will slowly lift. Do not feel like you should rush to feel better or that you aren't allow to be human and vent. Stay strong.

I shall try :) Where are all you guys from? Bet it's substantially warmer! Heh
I'll keep going. it really is a fantastic help to be able to vent and talk here.
you are all great

you are very sweet but its reality that people do change over time. (big or small through new experiences and ideas)
you need to know that when you love someone, you can't treat them as if they are more bigger and more important then you yourself. when others start to feel that they are being treated like VIP, some have tendency to look down on those who are treating them like vips.
its also true that even though you are nice and loving to others, if that other person is not receptive to your feeling and intention, no matter how much you express it, sometime, it just won't go through.
This has something to do with individualism. we have mind of our own, and its a fact that no one person cannot read nor understand other people (other than themselves) mind, thoughts , feelings etc... and we do live in a very hactic world, full of distractions, eveything going too fast, people not only lose themselves in it but lose what is truly important to them. world is becoming more materialistic, more focused on profit, margins, efficiency, speed etc.. things are just getting out of touch here.
The people that need your love and deserve them is no one but yourself. you need to give that love you have to youself. give yourself more attention, you deserve it.
How can you expect "others" (who are not you) to love you when you yourself disregard your ownself ?
Somesay solo is boring but marriage is stressful. if you are bored, there are lot of interest things out there. set some new goal for yourself... maybe something to do with study/education ? Hobbies
? (music, books, knitting, cooking etc.. ) travel, etc....
World can be very interesting if you make your mind to it.. lot of things to take your mind off things and just have fun.
As for one night stand thing with random guy.. i would say its not a good idea.... there is a line between love and pleasure and doing thses "activities" without love first may blurry the line. also, whatever it is, if you do something or have something too many in quantity, its starts to lose it true value and meaning behind it. and ppl tends to less value them when it should/suppose to be valued.
Pleasure does not mean its love and love does not mean there has to be a pleasure....

I'm a firm believer that good things happen to good people... and you seem like "good people". Stay on the sunny side of life.

Yeah. I'm fine with the idea people change. Just when they don't show any sign of it until they blurt it out. When they tell you they love you, miss you and cant wait to see you when they are planning to leave you with hours.
I've come to understand nothing is stone.

I'm looking out for me more. I'll feel less anxious (hopefully) when I get through next month (when he comes back and if nothing further happens)

Thats does sound tough... When ppl change without any sign. .
Just wondering. .. did both of you talked easily like direct open communication or you guys didnt talk much ? Or you guys talked but avoided some topic that felt uncomfortable to discuss ?
I have heard some say ppl should marry their best friend.. Of course there has to be love to marry someone but also both party need to be comfortable discussing pretty much anything life in general to eachother. . Like work, friends, family, stress, their thoughts on particular issue etc. .
I kinda got the feeling this person was starting to flow in diff rthym but didnt tell you about his changing thoughts/perspective when he should have and end up dropping the bomb that was slowly building up right at the end. The reason im thinking this way is because ppl dont change instantly unless they went through some big emotional truma. . Well at least this is what i think
There is no obligation for you to answer my question if you don't want to. You can simply just ignore ^^

Dont let this negative event to affect you in any way though. Dont become negative bitter person as this will in turn affect your future relationship with other. Another way of saying. .. Dont let negative ripple to pass through you and onto other relationship.
Somesay some ppl live in their past emotional truma, unknowingly affecting their lives and relationship Hence not being able to fully live their lives. Even you went through hard time, i feel there is still love and warmth in you. .. thats wonderful !

It's okay I don't mind answering. For our relationship we prided ourselves on being able to discuss anything and everything. Funny, serious, intellectual, ridiculous, philosophical, future past etc.
Four years in I came back from my friends wedding in New York and a few days before his friends wedding I made the mistake of asking what he saw for us in the future (I know, how stupid right?) As we used to discuss that too.
He then blurted out he wasn't happy. He didn't know why. So I feel a fool and don't know why this has happened. I was miserable and wanted answers so a few weeks later we sat at his to talk. I spoke of the things I missed as we both sobbed when he grabbed me and kissed me. Apologising and saying he messed up and thought he had lost me.
I made him promise to speak honestly. If he felt off to talk about it instead of bottling it up.
Everything went well. Even on valentines he asked if I would consider moving in with him. I told him I would consider as we had lived together earlier (I admit that was too soon) and again, while randomly asking if he missed when we would visit each other, he wanted to have a chance at having his own place.

So. By July, I was feeling great. I thought we were stronger than ever. He brought stuff to my place to stay overnight for takeout and game of thrones and midway through deciding what to eat, he isn't happy again. He doesn't know why. He bottled it up then decided for us.
Note: This was after another friends wedding. He has yet to admit this is a recurring thing. When I pointed it out to him he wrote an email - Read this here and you'll get where I am coming from:
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups_Divorce/forum/17912929-betrayed-and-after-all-these

So that was it. I was tired of fighting.
I have always been an honest person. It means a lot to me. I try to be a good person. But trust is a hard thing to get again. But thank you for the kind comments. I shall always try to be friendly. To help people to the point of feeling really bad if I can't.
I can't forgive him though. He made me feel like I was finally safe and loved. That for once I could have everything go right without something fucking up big time. I almost thought I could have one year without heartbreak. Not so.
The year before Someone killed our cat, he left and I almost lost my job. Before I was stressed so much and I lost my nana.
When I was in the flat, on the couch doodling with our cat cuddled in and him either reading or playing a computer game I was so content.
Sorry for the big post!