Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
A year ago, I filed for divorce. I had connected with a former classmate. I misconstrued a few things from that classmate and blew that. I didn't stop thinking about her, the connection we had. I stopped divorce proceedings and after my wife finished therapy, I won't go into details, I thought things would be better. A few months, they were. But, then back into the same rut, bought a house thinking that would somehow make it better. Intimacy?? What's that? Same old stuff that irritates me. I'm not white glove clean. Just, when you are done with something, put it up. I say that because I still pick up after her. Tired of it. Still tell her don't talk with your mouth full, and I mean full. It's more than that I know. I am older now and sex isn't as important but I need touching, and yes, holding hands, and dare I say it, cuddling. We are two people who have so little in common now. I like patio intimate seating, enjoying wine slowly, conversation. We don't communicate. Her idea of doing something....shopping. No thanks. It's not a hobby.
Well, somehow the former classmate and I connected again. She reached me after I posted that my oldest brother had a heart attack. He's ok now. But, I traveled to see her without the knowledge of my wife. No intimacy with the "other" woman. I just can't do that when still married. 3 days with her and I mean all day. Wine tasting, nice restaurants, long walks, just driving around the old neighborhood. Talking the whole time. I was extremely nervous and anxious about seeing her again. But, it was like I never left her. Picked up right where we left off. Now.......I don't want to leave her and I know how much it's going to hurt leaving. I know I won't be able to hold back the tears. She is so amazing.....why didn't I connect with her so long ago. I've been seeing therapists and they say I have to decide what to do. My daughter is grown and married. I know the pain I will cause will be great. I just want to be happy again, some how, some way. I'm just as anxious about leaving her as I was arriving. The quickest 3 days I've ever been through. What am I going to do? Even now, I have tears just writing this. I don't want to leave her. The only thing I've done is hug her. But, she knows how I feel about her. I don't want to go back to the life I'm living. I just don't. Thanks for listening.
Well, somehow the former classmate and I connected again. She reached me after I posted that my oldest brother had a heart attack. He's ok now. But, I traveled to see her without the knowledge of my wife. No intimacy with the "other" woman. I just can't do that when still married. 3 days with her and I mean all day. Wine tasting, nice restaurants, long walks, just driving around the old neighborhood. Talking the whole time. I was extremely nervous and anxious about seeing her again. But, it was like I never left her. Picked up right where we left off. Now.......I don't want to leave her and I know how much it's going to hurt leaving. I know I won't be able to hold back the tears. She is so amazing.....why didn't I connect with her so long ago. I've been seeing therapists and they say I have to decide what to do. My daughter is grown and married. I know the pain I will cause will be great. I just want to be happy again, some how, some way. I'm just as anxious about leaving her as I was arriving. The quickest 3 days I've ever been through. What am I going to do? Even now, I have tears just writing this. I don't want to leave her. The only thing I've done is hug her. But, she knows how I feel about her. I don't want to go back to the life I'm living. I just don't. Thanks for listening.
I know it may be dumb what I am saying...but sometimes people are so quick to give up when things are past the "honeymoon" stage.
I wish you luck in whatever you decide. Just think about it.
Step up and tell your wife the whole truth so that you both can start to move on. It's going to be tough on her, but I think you owe her that, particularly since she took you back after you left before.
If you leave this time and it doesn't work out, I wouldn't plan on returning back to your wife because that would just be cruel to her.
If you insist on leaving your wife for this other woman, the only thing I'm going to suggest is that you don't add insult to injury by being hateful and ugly to your wife. Don't rub salt in the wound by treating her with contempt and disdain. Don't make it worse by saying nasty things to your wife or pretending that your marriage no longer exists from the day you announce your intention to divorce. Don't start sleeping with the other woman and deny that you're cheating. I've been there and let me tell you something from personal experience, it isn't a good place to be. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Think about what you're going to say before you say it. Have a little compassion and empathy for what you're going to put your wife through. Show her a little sensitivity and kindness. Don't be an ass about it.
Sorry, this is still fresh for me. I don't mean to rant against you but I also don't want you to do the same thing to your wife that my husband did to me. It's cruel and it hurts. You loved her enough to marry her. Just keep that in mind.
That's a good idea. Leave your wife for girl that's going to ditch you again.
Just leave the wife. She deserves better.
You condense a time of perfection, wine-tasting, restaurants, blah blah, blah, it's picture perfect. Why? Because it's SUPPOSED to be. You aren't waking up dealing with the daily toils of life. Finances, taking out the trash, doing dishes mowing the lawn, her kids, your kids, finding out she doesn't brush her teeth - ever. That she snores and you have to sleep in separate rooms, the list goes on.
You haven't done any REAL time with former classmate, nor have you detached emotionally from your wife. So even if you do divorce your wife (which the mob has called for, and I favor) you and classmate Disneyland or going to fail.
How do I know? Been there done that, have the parting gifts.
I know I already posted on this, but people trying to justify and villianize their spouse to give credence to their affairs is appalling. I mean, former classmate goes bye-bye, so he buys a house with the W? Then "somehow" reconnects, and now the W is too messy?
Ugh.
I always wonder if these people would like for this to be done to their sisters, mothers or daughters (sons , fathers too).
I tell people, imagine someone did that to someone you loved! How would u feel?
This is why this stigma on divorce is so negative. So many people believe divorce is due to people being to "lazy" to work on their marriage... They don't see the people who have tried everything to make it work.
If one has tried - they need to accept that THEY put the effort forth and the other party just didn't. That doesn't say anything about them except they made the effort. It's not that the effort wasn't "enough", you just can't change the mind of someone that's already made it up.