Doesn't sound like she's able to end the relationship. Has she not filed all of the divorce papers, did she tell her lawyer to hold off? Have you been served with the papers yet?

It's certainly not fair for her to say she wants to divorce, but then carries on daily as if you're still married. Pretty unhealthy, and you're suffering those consequences. In my opinion, being left to hang like this is the worse case scenario. You feel so powerless. Talk to her and get her off the fence.

She filed and I was served in October of last year. She has been having her lawyer just continue things out . She keeps saying it's going to happen but nothing ever does.

It shouldn't take this long with nothing to show for it. My ex and his lawyer dragged everything out terribly - cancelled appointments (once 5 minutes before a meeting as my lawyer was waiting for him in his lobby), often missed deadlines, never had paperwork ready, cancelled court appearances, once my ex even lied and spouted some BS for not being able to attend a hearing and I knew it was because he had a planned golf trip. I lived with him, so I knew. A big part of the delays was because my ex was always purposely late getting his lawyer paperwork. I was the one who filed and once I did I wanted it OVER so my lawyer and I were always on top of things, waiting for the other side, trying to hold their feet to the fire. It still took a year.

Someone is putting a wrench in the workings - either your wife or her lawyer. If neither side pushes, you'll be in limbo forever. Lawyers listen to the squeaky client. I think you have a right to push your wife to let you know what's going on with this process. It's not right.

Sadly, I can relate to not being able to let it all go. For me, it's my husband's unwillingness to talk through the problems and understand how betrayal eats at the person betrayed. If the two peple aren't on the same page, out can't work. You can only be responsible for your own actions but you can be sure you've opened up and your partner at least is told your view.

She says it's all in the works right now , but still nothing to show for it. The only Thing I have received is a text from her lawyer

Could it be she's not really ready ? I often think she doesn't know for sure what she really wants to do.

I think it is exactly that she's not ready. Which is torture for you, and I guess for her too? I can't see filing for divorce then putting it on hold unless you're not ready to cut the cord. I say press her on this issue and get to the heart of why you guys have nothing to show divorce-wise and why she still wants to sleep with you and co-habituate. Most people who file don't want to even see their stbx, much less play house.

Do you have kids?

What did the text say?

I never received a text from my ex's lawyer, everything was written, signed and received either via email or regular mail. Texting sounds pretty unprofessional and unofficial. Did you do a google search on the lawyer - just to see if he's legit?

The text was just to ask for permission to file for a continuance. And he is a legit lawyer, very expensive on top of it. And yes we have 2 children.

Just brought it to her attention that it seems like it's taking a long time and get reply is we are getting divorced a f that s final. We are supposed to sit and talk about who gets what and separate household belongings. Every time we set a day she plans things to get out of having to do it.

??? Why a continuance??? Is she waiting to get money together to pay the lawyer? Is the lawyer held up in some gigantic case? Is she slowly stealing all of the joint marital assets and isn't quite done with that yet? Does she have someone on the side and waiting to see if things don't work out with him???? Are you do a financial windfall she's waiting to cash in on, or an inheritance she thinks she can get a piece of? Waiting for the kids to graduate high school?


It just doesn't make any sense to me, especially in light of her statement that "it's final".

Does she often flip-flop on decisions? Perhaps this is how she handles strife in general - by having grand plans but not being able to follow up on them?

It would kill me to be in your place, I'd feel as if I were leashed to her and she has a constant tug on the collar stopping me from moving. Going nowhere, fast. Try to do more digging as to the reason for the continuance. You shouldn't allow yourself to be kept in limbo forever. Trust me, I was there for years and it can erode your own self-respect.

According to her , her lawyer is still drawing up proposals. No cash value of anything worth while. No boyfriend in the side that I know of. And yes on big decisions she does flip flop a lot. She has her friends and family telling her to get divorced and other half saying that she shouldn't get divorced and to.work out our issues. I do know she lost her state funding and is on a 6 month waiting list for any low income housing. But she just started looking into options sonshr says.

We have 2 kids neither will graduate soon.

It seems pretty murky and jojored said you are in an unhealthy situation being at the end of a string. It does sound weird that you still have sex. Something is amiss here. She seems to be confused about a lot of things and unable to really in down what it is she really wants. Has she always been like this?

I meant to say "like jojored said" ...

I meant to say "like jojored said" ...