Oops, sorry about that. Something went wrong with the site or my connection.

Not always no. But it seems she listens to everyone else on what to do it seems lately. One person says stay and work it out next says divorce. I try to talk to her about it but she just shuts me out. Talks to some one else

Hummm. Your divorce should be relatively simple based upon what you said about money and as long as you both are agreeable to co-parenting. In fact, if you were in my state, you could be divorced already or very close to it, and my state is not known for quickie divorces.

This could play out a hundred different ways, based upon what she does or doesn't do, and based upon how long you are willing to wait for her to make a move, any kind of move. I'm sure you've already considered the scenarios.

Since you're in a holding pattern now, I suggest working hard on building a strong relationship with your children - they're going to need it as will you. Reach out to friends and family and build yourself a support network. Do all the things we should all be doing everyday like drink plenty of water, eat healthy, maintain an active lifestyle and watch for vices. Stress can knock you on your ass pretty handily, you want your body at least to have a fighting chance against it.

If you're a reader, there was one book I read which really helped me understand just how unhealthy my relationship was. It's called Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum. It was printed years ago, you can still buy new copies or find it in your library or on Amazon. It really helped me understand a lot about the dynamics of my messed up marriage and knocked me right off the Indecision Fence. Might be good for both of you to read.

Thanks I will have to check into that book. This was a shock to me in the beginning, I wasn't expecting papers. But as time goes on I it doesn't surprise me. What dies surprise me is that she had taken this long to do nothing. For as bad as she said she wants it she's not acting like it. How long do I wait for her to make up her mind? I don't have a answers, I thought we would grow old together and travel the world after retirement.

I don't know how long you should wait. I let myself get into a little bout of depression (probably a year) before I finally made my decision. My ex was all about doing nothing about everything. Wouldn't even really acknowledge that there were any problems. I'm a bit ashamed to say I waited 7 years. Had I been better informed, or had read that book earlier, or had reached out for support 7 years earlier, the picture would be vastly different. I'd still be divorced, but I'm guessing I'd have not suffered so much in those years of indecision. How long do you feel you need to give her? A month, 6 months, a year? If you're just reaching out to DS now, I'd say you're getting close to the end of your waiting period. But then again, what do I know, just my hunch. I will say that when I finally decided on a direction to take, I went full force into it, with no remorse or looking back. I was at peace with filing, and a year later I'm very glad I was able to finally stand up for myself and do what needed to be done.

i just received a letter from the court for 2 moth court date, i asked her if she heard anything and nothing. I also asked if they had drawn up any paperwork to go over for custody and all that, her reply was plenty of time for that.
As far as time to figure things out is a very good question, how long i don't know, I do know i am giving her space to figure it out what she wants out of this,
i know what i would like to see happen, but i also need to prepare for court, i have not contacted or hired my own attorney as of yet, but have family help when needed to.

jojored, i finally recieved the book and i am half way done reading it. This is very helpful so far and I must say I think if she reads it herself things might be different for us. Thanks again for referring me to this book!