Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I originally posted this in the "Life after Divorce" group. Seems this group is more active and offers great advice, so I'm posting it here. Sorry it's so lengthy! Just feeling very "stuck" right now on what the "right" thing to do is...
Hi there, I'm new to the board. I've yet to join a support group, and I really should. My ex and I have been divorced 7 years. Our son was 2 at the time. For most of our divorce, getting my ex to see his son has been like pulling teeth. Even though our parenting plan/decree states he has him every weekend, most weekends he'd plan trips to go out of state, out of country, etc. When he started dating again, we saw even less of the ex. Coming from a background of divorce and knowing how my mom did everything she could to keep my dad out of my life, I never wanted to do that to our son. When we divorced, I moved 5 min away. My door was always open. Even though he didn't take me up on the offer, we got along all right. Even his gf and I got along.
Then he broke up with the gf in 2013. By this time, I was re-married. We (my husband and I) were always the shoulder to cry on for my ex, even though he was the one who sabotaged his relationship by cheating on her multiple times. He was very "woe is me". He didn't understand how she'd dump him. He's very selfish and narcisstic and it's hard for him to see things logically.
December 2013 he informed me he'd met someone new. He knew her all of 3 weeks at this time. Due to this, he informed me he'd see less of our son now, because he had to see where this new relationship was headed. They got engaged two months later and just got married. The ex's new wife doesn't like me. She has a hard time with the fact that I'm the ex wife, and that we share a son together. She's never been married, has no children of her own. My ex told me himself that she's insecure. Soon after the engagement, the ex moved out of state to live with his now wife. He talks to our son maybe once every 3 weeks. And when I try to have a conversation with him, his wife is always in the background. He's also become much more critical of my parenting style, where he wasn't before. They've also sat my son down and told him he needs to start calling the new wife "mom". I told my son he shouldn't call anyone anything he's not comfortable with. He's barely known this woman nearly a year, if that. When they got married, it was the 2nd time he'd met her! This in and of itself shows me how insecure she is.
I am trying to keep the peace, but those two are driving me nuts. I keep trying to have my son's best interest at heart, and I know for him, getting along with his dad would be a good thing, but I don't know how much more I can take. I needed to vent and to maybe seek out some guidance. Should I say something to the ex? Or keep my mouth shut?
Hi there, I'm new to the board. I've yet to join a support group, and I really should. My ex and I have been divorced 7 years. Our son was 2 at the time. For most of our divorce, getting my ex to see his son has been like pulling teeth. Even though our parenting plan/decree states he has him every weekend, most weekends he'd plan trips to go out of state, out of country, etc. When he started dating again, we saw even less of the ex. Coming from a background of divorce and knowing how my mom did everything she could to keep my dad out of my life, I never wanted to do that to our son. When we divorced, I moved 5 min away. My door was always open. Even though he didn't take me up on the offer, we got along all right. Even his gf and I got along.
Then he broke up with the gf in 2013. By this time, I was re-married. We (my husband and I) were always the shoulder to cry on for my ex, even though he was the one who sabotaged his relationship by cheating on her multiple times. He was very "woe is me". He didn't understand how she'd dump him. He's very selfish and narcisstic and it's hard for him to see things logically.
December 2013 he informed me he'd met someone new. He knew her all of 3 weeks at this time. Due to this, he informed me he'd see less of our son now, because he had to see where this new relationship was headed. They got engaged two months later and just got married. The ex's new wife doesn't like me. She has a hard time with the fact that I'm the ex wife, and that we share a son together. She's never been married, has no children of her own. My ex told me himself that she's insecure. Soon after the engagement, the ex moved out of state to live with his now wife. He talks to our son maybe once every 3 weeks. And when I try to have a conversation with him, his wife is always in the background. He's also become much more critical of my parenting style, where he wasn't before. They've also sat my son down and told him he needs to start calling the new wife "mom". I told my son he shouldn't call anyone anything he's not comfortable with. He's barely known this woman nearly a year, if that. When they got married, it was the 2nd time he'd met her! This in and of itself shows me how insecure she is.
I am trying to keep the peace, but those two are driving me nuts. I keep trying to have my son's best interest at heart, and I know for him, getting along with his dad would be a good thing, but I don't know how much more I can take. I needed to vent and to maybe seek out some guidance. Should I say something to the ex? Or keep my mouth shut?
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
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I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
I understand that you want your son to know his father and have a relationship with him. I want the same for my kids with their father.
You're right in telling your son that he shouldn't have to "reassure" his step mom by calling her "mom" if he doesn't feel comfortable doing so. This is something the new wife and ex will have to come to terms with.
I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
~Ducktapetherapy77
Duck, when my ex moved away, I lined up counseling for my son through his school. I knew it would be tough on him, and I wanted to help him in any way I could. The school counselor really helped my son, saw him periodically over a year. I haven't sought out any counseling for myself, though.
On the other side, if I ever meet anyone new, I would not want my son to call her "mom." My ex-wife will always be his mother, and she does a fine job parenting. I wish I could have more time with my son, and she sometimes lets me take him on off nights for which I am appreciative. I can't imagine not wanting to see my son, or putting someone else first.
I'm very sorry for the hardship this places on your family and I commend you efforts to keep fostering a relationship with your son and your ex. The ball is clearly in his court. Don't try to own it besides that. It doesn't sound like you badmouth him or anything, so you do your best to keep communication lines open, and the rest is up to him.
You also care deeply for your son and are responsible for protecting him. Setting clear boundaries that he doesn't have to call anyone anything he is not comfortable with is just responsible parenting. Her insecurity and drama is not your son's problem, it is hers.
It sounds like you are doing fantastic as a mom. Good luck to you and your family.