3 yrs ago I lost my husband of 20 yrs to his infidelity and what it did to me. A 21 yr old college kid, she got pregnant, he had a new baby when our daughter was about to graduate high school.. and still I tried to forgive & stay. But the damage was done to my psyche and eventually he abandoned me because I was insane with trust issues. The abandonment devastated me. We were together since we were kids. I knew he'd always be there like I knew the sun would rise and set. When that kind of certainty fails you the worst thing is you lose trust in your perception of everything. I trusted no one and nothing, not even my own mother, sisters, it really had seeing fear around every corner and my emotions nonexistent, flat, nothingness. I am happy to say I feel today which is not always a wonderful thing. : ) Anyone who is experiencing the pain of loss, yes it does feel worse than death, I remember months of hell but it only needs to be suffered through is all (easier said from here than where you are I know but I've been there). In time you will regain most, perhaps not all, and will be stronger & wiser for sure. Let me save you some pain.. DO NOT enter into relationships. You will have trust issues that will harm others, lose others, and break your heart again. Wait and heal first. A good time check is wait 1 year for every 4 yrs of your lost relationship (e.g. my 20yrs requires 5 yrs healing. I have 2 more to go.) Yes, I know it's a long time but I am SAVING YOU PAIN. Anyway, I have lots to share if anyone has questions. All you have to do is survive each day for now and YOU WILL BE YOU AGAIN ONE DAY... Have FAITH! : )

I had to go and seek out help after we separated and one of the things my therapist said is that I have become or was, "Hyper Vigilant" I went into this relationship because she came to me after we were dating 3 months and told me she was pregnant....and I loss trust in her not because I question paternity, but why me? I spent 2 years in the begin of our marriage trying to trust myself and not list to that voice in side me that said something was wrong.
And I could agree more with you 1traceof me......I'm vacant inside and the thought of entering a relationship doesn't even make my horizon....there's not a day that goes by where I don't weep for what I have lost.....I hurt to the very marrow :(

I think it will be a long time before I can fully trust again if ever.There will always be that little part of me wondering if they are going to leave too. My stbx won"t admit that he is with someone either but I know now I would never take him back because for him there would never be trust again.

You know my husband cheated after our first year of marriage. We got thru it somehow. But after 7 years of him looking at other girls, and just going thru hard stuff this year. I realized I was carrying alot of everything. You can't keep a love together if it's only one sided. You know you can love so much with your heart, and something in a good person like you are. Can shake the spirit, Mine is so shaken I am not mad about what didn't work out. It's easier for me to let go.. But heart says will anyone love me, I am so not scared of the divorce he is hitting his friends my friends preparing for the divorce. And I am trying to be so rational.. And not lose me in the mist of all this.. Don't let her effect love for you.. May you always see the good, because us good girls out there.. I will enjoy that time to heal, and dance having fun with friends and get me back. And I will still help where i can with my ex husband. I don't think the pain goes away and the trust issues wont come all of a sudden. Due to the cheating and all the other things they can wear on your spirit, so hugs.. I hope that life continues to treat you awesome and don't let anyone take away that heart you have always loved with. That goes for everyone that has ever been hurt thru divorce who is going thru it. I say cry be mad, frustrated. Get it over with then find someone in need and share your spirit with them. hugs