Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
My life is utter hell. I sit at work every day and think about ways to kill myself. I am very limited in what I could do, but it has to end. No one can help me. I tried the hospital but they were more interested in how I was gonna pay the bill than in what was wrong with me. They couldn't change my life anyway, I should be on disability but can't be because I work too many hours to qualify, It makes me so angry that others get disability when I can not, I want to die so badly, I wake up in tears every day knowing I will have to live another day. I have to kill myself. I have begged God to take me in my sleep but God doesn't care about me at all. If He did He would take me home, out if this nightmare I live in. But He doesn't care. I have to kill myself, I can't bear this existence any more. I've tried suicide hotlines but they can't change my life either. There is nothing anyone can do to help me. The only thing that would help is getting on disability so I don't have the hell of going to work to deal with, the nightmare of worrying if I'm gonna be able to pay the rent, The stress is unbearable. My pdoc won't give me anything for the anxiety. I just have to suffer. And I can't anymore. I have to kill myself, It's the only answer, I've been suffering horribly for over 50 years. Enough is enough,
(((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))
{{{hugs}}} and best wishes.
But I'm here to tell you it DOES get better! I know with that dark ugly cloud around you it's seems like you're trapped! Even paralyzed. Focus on the negative at least once a day even if it's just a small negative. Be thankful for the things you have and the depths that darkness has brought you through so you could be that much more sensitive to the light making everything around you shine.
I'm not trying to say you'll ever be singing with the rainbows but I can sincerely say they DO get better.
I'd try another Dr. I just don't get the health personnel these days they don't want to give you what works because there is such a fear of drug abuse. Yet I've heard stories of the people who take the Hippocratic Oath and do a lot worse but who am I to judge. We had a pharmacist that was hooked on drugs not to long ago.
Didn't mean to go off on a tangent but please don't give up keep telling yourself it will be ok.
As for disability, it took me a lawyer before I got mine. He took his payment out of my lump sum check I received when I finally got my first check. Is there any way you can cut your hours at work enough to qualify for disability? That might be an option if you can do it.
As for anxiety meds, my pdoc won't prescribe them for me becuz I od on them twice so it's my fault. If you're feeling that suicidal and you pdoc knows, that may be why you can't get them. Benzo's are very easy to od on. I'm now on trileptal which helps some. It takes the worst of my anxiety away.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope you can figure it all out. Try the hospital one more time and make them listen. If they know how you're feeling, maybe they can give you something that will help you.