Of course you feel betrayed. It sucks when a partner has to draw a line in the sand, but from time to time ultimatums have to happen.

I gave one to my husband before we were married "go on anti depressants". His depression took the form of extreme paranoia. He gave one to me recently "figure out your meds and look for a new job". I love him, and I value the hard step it was to make his voice be known. I can be a rather self righteous know it all.

Your wife loves you a lot. She is giving you a road map to a successful relationship. She wouldn't give you this road map if she didn't.

You can make it work. I hope you two are seeing a marriage counselor, it would help.

I agree with Tigard. I am sure there are other issues you havent mentioned that play into your relationship. She is saying she loves you very much but that it is give and take and it is your turn to give by taking care of yourself and in turn taking care of her. She deserves a quality of life the same as you do. I know you can work this out with each other through therapy and making some changes. I will pray that God will bless you with the knowledge that you need to make the right decisions for your life. Hugs

Mental illness is not something you can just fix because someone demands you do it. Its like asking a cancer patient to get themselves together before they can deal with you.

Stop drinking,see aPdoc regularly,take your meds religously,and begin to CHERISH her as the most important person in your life....couples counsuling

At least she is giving you a chance. In my last three marriages, I only gave the second guy (the daddy of my three kids) chance(s) to change before I finally divorced him.

I didn't speak up with the third guy I was married to. He scared the crap out of me. He was depressed and irritable all of the time and told me it was because of me and my kids. He also drank like a fish.

If you really want your marriage to work out (and it sounds like you do), be nice to yourself, your wife, and your kids...and get help NOW for your depression and alcoholism. I know when you first are contemplating having to take meds for depression, it can be overwhelming and you don't want to do it...but what other option is there?

YOU KNOW the alcohol is NOT helping your depression. Your wife has made that clear to you.

I hope things work out for you and your family. It would be great to hear a success story.

Praying for you and yours,
Wendy

amen to seeking. Hi, I am new to the site and going through all of this too, I have been treated for bipolar for 5 years attempted suicide past may, had about 15 ECTs and am still manic(at this moment) and considering either running away or doing the deed. I have been on most of the meds and I still am a wreck. My husband is not understanding or supportive, he said he has thought of divorce numerous times since may but hasn't done it. I have filed for SSI and hope to have a hearing too, my Pdoc is all for it. He agrees too that I am too wacko to be out in the real world. To tell you the truth I am not afraid of divorce, it is the alone part that will be my ruin. Good luck with your wife and treatment, and I agree with the others, ya gotta stop the drinking. Nice to meet you all.

Are you seeing a Dr? Therapist? Taking your meds? So many questions.

The others asked about the two of you going to therapy? Or other issues in the marriage that we don't know about.

She is staying through these things, but she's using tough love.

Hell I'm BP and I'd like to move away from myself. LOL

I wish you the best.

I gave one to my husbend befor we got married. My ex was a drunk. my husbends father was andd one brother. one night when he came home loaded i waited for him to sober up and told him there would be no wedding if he did not five up drinking. he has drank sence then but I have never sean him drunk sence that night we have been together 18 years.

Before giving up booze, make sure you understand that some of the most successful people in the history of the world have been alcoholics. You might be one of them.

P.S. I can understand the drinking thing but mentail illness is just that an illness. but you do need to see a Dr.

Patton says he has been on ADs and is using depakote now. We all know how long it takes to find a med that works if ever. Seems like his wife is punishing him b/c of a disorder. Its okay for her to say i can't deal with the illness its too much, but to blame him like he is a child and its his fault he has a disease is mean. If he had alzheimer, Chrohns, sickle cell, would she react the same?

The part I don't understand is what she has to forgive you for.

You have just been self-medicating, as far as I can tell from your post. That is not something that needs to be forgiven, IMHO.

I hope things work out for you.

Love,
Wendy

Responding to meds and having our spouse acknowledge the meds are working are two different things. That is why marriage counseling is so important.

Patton is scared, we should be supporting him not critiqueing the type of communication in his marriage.

I am so sorry that you sre going through this! I hope it all works out!

Sorry to hear it Pattongb. That's really tough.