I wonder if any one of them will interact with each other. I came back online not for anyone, but myself. I can't concentrate, write, sleep, or read poetry at all. I am so paranoid I wish I was dead right now. I know suicide ideations and paranoia intertwine, I was in a few psych classes. I am in constant worry that all of my friends are out to get me, that they just want to pounce on me when they get the chance. Three people on my friends lists cared about my horrible face to do something about it. One sent me massive hugs, one made me feel accepted when I logged of and emailed her. One asked me why my face is so sad. Why I say? I can't sleep in my own bed. I haven't been able to since march. Then again, march was when my brother died three years ago. I always fall into a deep depression in the spring, always it never fails. I came to DS when I couldn't see straight and was so suicidal and too paranoid to sleep in my own bed. I am so terrified I have a hard time walking around in my house doing the things that I need to do to get by. A friend of mine made me feel so accepted I wanted to smile a mile wide. Thanks Nana, you are there for me when I feel like I am a nobody when the sunshine needs the rain you're always there. You're my rain nana. You're wonderful. I really wish there was an end to my paranoia. I am so paranoid I can't sleep straight. I know those two words don't go together, but I am the queen of figurative lannguage. I write so well I write metaphors without using them the way they're supposed to be used. I break conventions, that's just the way I am. I surpass boundries, I always have. I've been through so much crap within my life my aunt bonnie wonders why I am still alive. She's pretty much the only support system I feel I have at home right now. My husband doesn't understand me, but he won't come online to get information on how to better understand me, although I've begged him to do so. I am so far down, I feel empty inside. Empty.