Thank you for the compliment dreamingtree.

thanks deamingtree

To answer, I am worried about the pdoc contacting authorities. That's a very distant possibility, as she is a very level-headed person. The other worry is if it came to a custody battle she might be asked to write a letter about me being a good parent, and maybe she wouldn't be able to do that in good faith if I disclose. I don't know, but why dig yourself into a hole for no reason?

And your answers here have given me a sense of the range of experiences, and it seems that I am up there with the hardest hit. That's disturbing. I know I'm not at risk for physically abusing my daughter, but it's still disturbing. Thank god for medication. I wish they were around for my mom.

nevr2late, you are making me consider telling my pdoc
if I've learned one thing over the years, it's that paranoia should be ignored

I think that as long as you tell your pdoc in the manner you have us here you won't have a problem. You said that you've never hit her, just yelled. Also you said that you are doing better now that you are on meds. So there's absolutely nothing there for any kind of concern. I would wonder though why tell the pdoc? I think this would be better handled talking with a therapist. Maybe find more what's at the root of things. Perhaps abuse you suffered in the past is causing you to look at yourself in a negative light even though you really haven't done that much. I know I do that. Start looking at myself as though I were turning into my dad. I despise my dad for the way he treated me.

cb, I really don't think you have a need to worry. I really really don't.

Oh, and paranoia, been there and it serves no purpose for anyone. You are on the right track with acknowledgment. The good news is that you are fine and so is your daughter. Now you can begin to make the changes you want so bad.

geez Louise....I got my daughter taken away from me because of a phone call I made "threatening" to hurt her. I never did of course and in the 6 years she was with me I only yelled at her once.

I would say don't tell ANYONE what is happening or you could end up like me without any children

during my worst post partum there were times when i almost shook the baby or had dreams of trying to kill her narrowly escaping the urge. but I told hubbie all about it and then the theripist the next day they got the appropriate services involved (family and child services but i asked them to talk to them) they got me a doula so i wasnt so overwhelmed... and dave also took some time off work while i stabilized on meds, before the doula was available that is.

I have experienced violent rages against my husband, or soon to be ex husband, which is why he left me and I feel incredible remorse.
My psychiatrist knows about this.

My ma had this problem with dysphoric mania etc especially when unmedicated. Definitely think you should tell your doc so they give you the right meds..My mother's temper is completely nullified by right meds. It's frightening for children, you really need to get on it.

Yes, I have, before I was diagnosed. And all the parenting classes, anger management, etc. did not help, of course. And poor Isaac was the most difficult to handle, so caught the brunt of the outburts.
I think you are getting a HUGE wake-up call, realizing you are having to hide this info from your Pdoc.
One thing I know about this kind of rage, whether related to BP or not, is it is VERY likely to keep getting worse, until and unless you somehow get it under control.
I wound up losing custody of all four of my children, and believe me, that is not an experience you EVER want to have, even if you get them back. Which I didn't.
If you have no other resources, who can give you a break, you CAN put them in foster care voluntarily if need be. It is much better that way, and they will be much more willing to work with you, than if they have to come take them from you.
I asked to see my file once at children's services, and they put little yellow sticky notes in all the places where they removed stuff to maintain anonyminity about someone -- and there were lots of them. Which meant, there could have been several reports from people, I was never aware of.
Be careful, and get ahead of this, or it can cost you dearly.

b4 medication and dx i was in a similar situation i did tell and ended up almost loosing the kids the experience and help i got did benefit the family and put changes in place that will last forever so on that side t was worth it,

I am way better now, no violence at all, but when tired/exhausted I do snap and yell, she knows...working out well so far...stable and happy, good luck.

Sue xx

Yeah. Before I got diagnosed i would rage a lot!My poor son tasted all my rages. I would put my hands on him when he (ADHD) would step on my last nerve. But I I had the sense to stop myself from physically hurting him. But mentally...only God knows what damage was done. I used to scream in his face like a crazy person...where he would just cry in fear. I regret those days and I can not take them back.I can still see his little face melting in fear as I scream. Aweful. But I can take care of my head now and this will protect my son.When I have an issue with my son now...I call my husband to handle it. I don't take chances.

Just to clarify, my pdoc IS my tdoc, and a relatively good one. That's why I wonder about telling my pdoc(/tdoc) about this.

The last dozen or so posts now got me wondering. I really think my daughter is safe with me, will be safe with me, and actually, always have been. But can other people see that?

I'm still listening...

I would tell my doc about my rages that i go through but honestly i don't think i would tell her about the rages that i have with the kids that is my opinion i know that it can be hard at times especially when the kids are not listening ((HUGS))