I have never experienced that badly....sometimes I do get really annoyed easily and I will yell. I have gotten to where I can tell my son I am in a mood and he knows to keep his space. I would be scared in your shoes though. I know drs have a obligation to call the state if they feel a child is in danger. U will be in my prayers.

My anger/rage mostly takes the verbal form of action. I did get lots of good out of an Anger Workbook (available at bookstores) and of course meds. My kids learned that silence was their best reaction when I got in the mood and I admit that helped me cool off more quickly. Raging causes lots of guilt/bad parent feelings and I think it's a good idea to bring it up to your therapist. I'm sure our children would agree!

Thanks! People, please keep posting, I need to get a sample on how "out there" my problem is.

I constently find myself yelling at my kids, and I always feel bad about it. I caught myself the other day about to slap my middle son on the top of the head to get his attention because he was completely ignoring me. When I find myself getting to the breaking point I try to go to my room for a little quiet time to myself, to give myself a second to calm down. I hope you find something to help you calm yourself down when you get so frustrated.

I only have one child. She's 20 now. The worse it has ever gotten between us were screaming matches. She used to be very mouthy and she could easily make my blood boil!

Last year she & I went to my grandfather's funeral. We went to the restroom in the church. She copped an attitude and was acting like a little shit... I was furious! I grabbed her arm as said: This is my grandfather's funeral, if you don't snap out of it and show some respect I will beat the fucking shit out of you right here! Yep, I snapped. That's as bad as it ever got along with many other arguments. Now that she's older, it's pretty much a non issue bc she has her own apt. now. Yeah!

I know children can be so difficult. If you have self constraint when angry, you'll be OK. Your daughter needs to be safe and if you think that you are unable to control physical violence, you need to seek further help. There are therapeutic exercises and other types of therapy that can help you. Please know I am not saying this with any judgment. I respect that you are reaching out for information & other experiences.

If you address it w/ your pdoc again, I wouldn't bring up an example
with your daughter. I really think you can get help with this by describing your feelings about being scared about your anger and wanting to act out on it with people in general.

I wish you the best. You'll be in my prayers. Hugs & peace!

Get to a good therapist! Beepers are famous for child abuse. Alice Miller was the first to get it out in the open---in the 1970's she wrote For Your Own Good, and then published more books. Child abuse can actually CAUSE BP to develop in the child. (I'm going to the thearapist that my mother took me to when I was 13---we've just reconnected after my mother's death---that was 45 years ago! YOUR KIDS NEED UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND FREEDOM FROM FEAR. PLEASE GET YOURSELF A GOOD COUNSELOR!!! I told my mentally retarded daughter to put her hands up in front of her and yell, "MOM, STOP!" and it worked! (But I also had therapy and medication.) Abused children usually grow up to be abusers unless they get serious help.

I don't have kids but when I get really mad I start getting intrusive thoughts about killing/hurting who ever got me mad, even though I would never do such a thing.

I have rage all the time and it kills me that i could get that mad at my little angle over something so small. No I don't think that you too are the only one. I would tell you doctor because they can't help you unless they know whats going on. I have found that if you can talk to someone about whats going on helps so much.
Good Luck

Im glad I'm not the only one. I get like this sometimes, I just try to take a breather even if I have to ignore whats pissing me off for a minute

Back in 2001 a few months before my first hospitalization I found myself getting physical with my son. He was 3 at the time and I remember on a number of occasions throwing him across the room. I would then break down crying, thinking I was a horrible person. That I shouldn't be allowed to live or I should be in prison where others could do to me what I had done to my son. After my suicide attempt in late 2001 I was put in the phosp. I got on medications and I found myself in better control. I vowed to myself then that I would never lay another hand on my children, not even a normal spanking. So far I've been able to keep that without difficulty. Thanks to the meds and the counseling I'm sure.

Sometimes though I still feel like I've failed my children because of what happened in the past. The thing is we can't change the past. All we can do is make sure that we do the best we can from this day forward. I actually think at times that I'm a better father today because I know the horrors I've done. In knowing I try to make up for the past and actually have a good time trying and so do my kids.

longstory and dreamingtree,

Both yours comments are truly head-on. I was an abused child, and I was (severely) dysfunctional as a result. I've had many, many years of therapy, which had a great cumulative effect, and most of my dysfunction is now gone.

However, these childhood traumas can never be addressed fully until you have a child of your own. The strength and range of emotions! And bipolar to add! I was not a good parent the first couple of years (until I got properly medicated).

But the worst my daughter had to endure was me yelling at her, which I know most people made of flesh and blood do. I purposefully taught her to hold her hand up and say "STOP! Don't yell at me!" to ANYONE who ever yells at her, including me. Same with hitting.

But now I am an OK parent, and honestly, my daughter was never in danger of me hurting her. I am just troubled by this moment where I caught myself starting to do something I don't want to do, and that leaves me in shock.

jstreet, thank you for being honest here
you sound like a father who does care
just keep up with treatment, and do what you're doing, it takes strength to turn things around

Thanks cb72.

I think the key here should be that you "caught yourself" and yoiu did stop.That shows good judgement and good parenting skills. I think everyone loses their temper sometimes...but its the ones who "fail" to catch themselves who are the danger. If it bothers you that much go ahead and tell the pdoc everything. no harm has come to your daughter...what can he do? at least you aren't as bad as i was unmedicated. I don't want to go there. Let's just say...I have the best husband on Earth.

jstreet, You sound like a wonderful man and father. It's really great to hear a man be so forthcoming and honest about his experience w/ bp.

cb72, I think you are awesome for this post. I'm sure you have helped many. It provided awareness to a topic most would be afraid to talk about.

{{{{hugging cb72}}}}}