Told the pdoc that since I've gone back on wellbutrin due to her wishes for med maintenance that it gives me anxiety attacks. Told her I called a psych nurse and he told me that anxiety attacks are a rare side effect of wellbutrin and that if I am having anxiety attacks then I shouldn't be on it....and if I am not depressed I shouldn't be on it. You'd think that since my pdoc is also a registered psych nurse that she'd understand the other psych nurses opinion but she doesn't care. I mentioned a smaller dose but she said that 100 mg is the smallest wellbutrin dose. When I am not on the wellbutrin I don't freak out....when I am on it I have really bad panic attacks...I told her that my husband knows it's the meds and he will testify if it means anything....She said that I wasn't having anxiety attacks when I was on it before then it's not the meds.....I don't know where she gets the information from but both psych nurses opinions are conflicting. The secretary asked me what would help me want to take my wellbutrin......I told her that if my pdoc deals with the anxiety issues and puts me on an anxiety med then I will force myself to go back on it even when I'm not depressed. I am not sad.....I just have a low self esteem due to being over weight and fat. I think I am ugly....and I am a firm believer that if I had an after my wedding photo to show you all that you would also think that I am fat and ugly reaffirming my thoughts about myself. The pdoc is going to enforce med monitoring on me even though the other psych nurse doesn't feel I need to be on it I just don't know what to do. The hubby wants me to lie to the pdoc and tell her I am taking it when I am not. I feel the pdoc is dismissing my feelings and don't know where to turn.
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Living in the Moment is a song by Jason Mraz. I found it this evening and it is going into my iTunes library when I get the cd. It is well. inspiring.I am looking to songs and other things these days for building me up not taring me down.I need to listen to this when my mental illness take flight especially when I get into black and white thinking Also good for DBT (dialectical behavior...