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Unexpected Life Change

Stony2018
Stony2018

My life is about to go into a tailspin and I need some advice!!! I rather not go into details, so here is a brief explanation of things: my brother has made some poor life decisions, and as a result he is in jail awaiting trial for a very serious crime. His wife left him years ago, so now there is nowhere for his four children to go. I live with my mother and my younger sister. My mother decided to volunteer to take all four children. I love my nieces and nephews, of course I do, and I don’t want them to rot in foster care, but I do not want to be a parent at this point in my life. I just don’t. It’s not an accident that I am thirty years old with no kids. It is a deliberate choice I made. I want kids someday, but not now. It’s hard enough taking care of myself, I don’t have the energy to take care of 4 kids!!!! And I know it won’t be me by myself, that it will be a group effort between me, myself, and my sister, but I can’t help but be freaked out! I’m freaking out!!! The kids will be here on March 4th, 2019 and I don’t know what to do. I know this is happening and there is nothing I can do about it, but this is a major change. A major change I don’t wanT, but that I can’t avoid. Any advice would be appreciated. 

keepswimming
keepswimming
The only thing I would say and I do this often is don’t write the story before it even happens. Just let it play out and take a deep breath. It sounds like it is going to happen so just set your boundaries and make sure everyone knows them and really adhere to those boundaries. Best wishes for you. You never know it might turn out to be the best thing that ever has happened to you. Take care of yourself
invisablefriend
invisablefriend
I agree with keepswimming “set your boundaries” you might end up enjoying a lively full house but sticking to your boundaries will keep you unstuck.
OlderCPer
OlderCPer
I agree you need to set very precise boundaries as to how much, how often and to what amount you are willing to participate. Not everyone wants kids or is made to have kids. I love my sons but I'm very glad that neither of them are in a hurry to have kids, as I have no desire to be a grandmother and won't be the clingy, "let me take those kids off you hands" kind of granny. I love babies....as for toddlers, I love for someone else to deal with them. lol

And if its something that doesn't work for you...don't be afraid to do what you need to change the situation, as in find a new place to live away from the kids. You and your mental health are important also.

Take care,
Kat
Sunshinegirl0228
Sunshinegirl0228
Four kids can be very overwhelming, especially if they are younger. Kids take a lot of time and energy. I will echo the others, establish boundaries. And make sure you get plenty of you time.
Personally, I would let them know right away that your bedroom is your private place, that they are not to enter without your permission. I think it’s a good idea that there is at least one room in the house where you can escape if need be
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
Personally, I think you should embrace the change. This could be a learning opportunity for you and it could turn out to be a welcomed change. You never know. We can't predict the future.

I really believe things happen for a reason....you may find it very fulfilling to be a part of those kids lives as they grow into adulthood. You might be the role model that they need at this point in their lives so try not to be judgmental and more accepting of mom's choices.

God Bless
Ande
Ande
I can understand why you are freaking out. It will be a big change for you and your family especially for those kids. Keep your goals and dreams close by you will have help with the kids. It sounds like they will have 3 people taking care of them. They are lucky to have that support system. Just embrace the experience but don't let it consume you. I have four kids in my household some are mine and some are not, but I consider them all equally my responsibility. It does get overwhelming and when it does I run for the hill, lol and take time out of the day for just me. It is a big adjustment and this is scary for the little ones there lives as well will change and hopefully they can get through this without major damage.
patti22
patti22
Big supportive hugs. How old are they?
Stony2018
Stony2018
Thank you for all of the replies and support. I am thinking over what everyone said and processing it. Just to reply to a few questions: I would love to move out, I would move out tomorrow if I could, but I can’t afford to, I am working a part time job that I enjoy, but in the city I live in, even renting a room is difficult without having the income of a full time job. I am applying for 2010 E housing, which would allow me to live in my own place and pay low rent. But there is no garuntee I would get it, and it is a very long application process. I plan to move out within 1 year. : My nieces and nephews range in age from 3 years old to 8 years old.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Big hug Stony..... This would be a massive change for all of you and I imagine his children must be freaking out as well..... A huge change for everyone

Deep breaths.... I agree it might be really fore filling for you be apart of this and know how much you're helping these children

By the same token I would talk with your mom about boundaries …. If you choose to move out there's absolutely nothing wrong with that either … Even if you do you can still help your mom out at times...….

I'm sorry that there's been such devastation in all of your lives..... Another hug and a blessing.....xo
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