Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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ZanyBeeper 07/31/2009

Hey guys. The issue is with my father. He had something to do with me sexually as a teen. After that I got into alcohol really bad and seems like I have used one thing after another since then to try and keep the emotions repressed. He has just moved back to Georgia from Michigan after having lived up there for like seventeen years so I did not have to deal with being around him day in and day out. Now, I have to see him every day and he seems to always wanna hug me and put his hands on my shoulders, etc. and that makes me cringe on the inside. It is so disgusting and dirty feeling to me. It reminds me of the event all over again. I can't show any effects on the outside because somebody might notice and wonder what is going on. I have PTSD in relation to this event. My T says that the only way to take my power back is to confront him about it, but I don't think I can. He still holds a great deal of power over me. It is still hard for me to tell him no. How do I get through this with what little of my sanity I still have left? Hugs.

acuriousfish 07/31/2009

hi, I hope you get some good answers. A number of people in bipolar have had those kinds of issues.

You might want to ask in sexual abuse too..there are some good people there.

ZanyBeeper 07/31/2009

Thanks, Fish. How ya doing? Take care of yourself.

acuriousfish 07/31/2009

I'm recovering..my own issues that I was actually going to journal but sort of got swept away by all the drama on the board..

deleted_user 07/31/2009

Personally I would confront him and then tell him exactly how you feel about him and what he did to you, If after that you findn it necessary to distance yourself from him don't blame yourself. He and his actions are the issue not you. My parents son (refuse to say brother) was my original abuser and as far as I am concerned he is no longer family now that my parents are deceased. I had basically written him off years ago but since the passing of my parents I have totally written him off.

Love & Peace

deleted_user 07/31/2009

How- very specifically, does he still have power over you?

The only real way, imho, is to tell him that touching you is not allowed. If he wishes to show 'affection' then he can do it by words- preferrably from across the room.

You're going to need to be strong- you already ARE strong- you're still here- now you just need to show some of that strength.

((((BG hugs)))))

ZanyBeeper 07/31/2009

I don't know exactly how or why he still has power over me, Gem. I mean he doesn't have that much because he can't make me do anything he wants me to do like he used to could when I was a teen. He has power enough over me though that it just tears me up inside with anxiety to think about going against him on anything. He is a vindictive, manipulative person who does crazy things to get what he wants. If it weren't for my grandma and him being her only kid, I wouldn't have anything to do with him at all I don't think. He has COPD and will probably not live but 2 or 3 years. I am going to end up being the one responsible for taking care of him in the end because my sister still lives in Michigan. SIGH. Thank you guys for your responses. I appreciate it. Hugs.

deleted_user 07/31/2009

Sounds like you still have some emeshment issues with him. Do you tend to 'own' his emotions and think that his emotional responses are your responsibility? There's no wrong answer on that one! Just how you feel. Gotta start somewhere! lol

Do some research on how to create some healthy boundaries- emotionally and physically. Oh, and no you don't have to take care of him. Not at all- NO WHERE is it written down that you have to take care of your abuser. NO WHERE.

If anyone tells you that you do because 'that poor old man' or 'blood is thicker than water' is honestly deluded and probably emotionally boundary-challenged themselves.

ZanyBeeper 07/31/2009

But, I would feel worse if I didn't take care of him I think. I would feel guilty that I couldn't put my own issues aside and help him die. I can't not do it-I don't think I have it in me. Even though he hurt me, I don't have it in me to hurt him unless he forces me to.

deleted_user 07/31/2009

You're your best barometer- if this is something you want to do then go for it.

Just make sure to be honest that it helps YOU more than hurts YOU. Screw him- he's an adult and he made his choices, being old and sick doesn't negate that.

(can you tell this is a knee-jerk topic for me? lol I'm coo I'm coo!)

deleted_user 07/31/2009

Dont invite him to your resident.
If your at realitive place when he enters, I would side step him and leave. I would let him know if he ever touched me in any manner I would sue him for physical sexual assult and knowing me I would let him know that I would beat his freaking butt into the ground.
I would stay calm and composed but I would let him know to stay away from me.
Get a no contact order and/or restraining order against him. He's mis useing his postion of being your bio father as away to continue to have sexual abusive power and control over you.
He's probly get his rocks off fantising about having hugged you. sick sick sicko - jails are full of men like your bio father.
Thur police dept take some self defense class's and next time he puts his hand on your shouder or goes to hug you lay his butt on the ground.
In mean time visit w a therapest that specializes in sexual assults ...

deleted_user 07/31/2009

Your T is right, you just need to find the way to overpower him; you still see him as the alpha in your relationship, and as long as you feel that way, you will always be subordinant.

deleted_user 07/31/2009

I was sexually touched by my mother and father on different occasions. When I confronted my parents my mother went around telling people in the family. No-one believed me and they thought it was my illness. My sister became quite enraged by this and our rocky relationship became worse in fact all of my family relationships were rocky. The little support that I received was because they still thought they should do what my mom asked of them. My Mom still kept a relationship with me. When my mom got really sick with alzhemiers my brothers and sister turned on me. They spread rumors about me, stopped inviting me to family functions, didn't tell me when relatives had died, stopped sending gifts/cards to my daughter, and divided my mom's house up between them leaving me out. I fully expect that when my mother dies the will will be challenged to try to kick me out so I get nothing

deleted_user 07/31/2009

i'm thinking that you might need to do some "practice" confronting w/your therapist. it might give you a better sense of words and keep you from getting flustered. the thing about confrontations is they seldom go how you think they will.

take care of yourself first. really, do you need to see him? stay away at all costs. maybe now isn't your time to confront him? also, by confronting him are you trying to appease others or yourself? i say don't push too hard. sounds like you're not quite there yet. be patient w/yourself.

i'm not always onboard with confrontation. what do you want from it? if you're looking for something you may have failed already. what i mean is, you are still giving him power by looking for something that you may not get. don't serve that master. the guys a waste product. look for healthy love in healthy people.

good luck to you. whatever you decide to do, take care of yourself and make sure you surround yourself with supporters!!!!

hugs

cliff

ZanyBeeper 07/31/2009

Hey Admiral. He is not my biological father, but he is the only father I have ever known from the age of 2. I can't get a restraining order or bar him from my house because my granny, who is his momma, lives with us and it would hurt her and she would wonder why and she must never know. I am stuck I feel like. SIGH.

ZanyBeeper 07/31/2009

SIGH Paragon. You are right. I don't know why I feel so powerless when it comes to him. I still feel like a little kid with him I think. EXAGGERATED SIGH. Hugs.

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