ok - I can't get rid of the suicidal thoughts bombarding my brain for the past months. The light of my life is my wonderful girlfriend, but she is the only thing keeping me alive right now, and don't know how much longer that will be effective. I have three plans - plan a, plan b, and plan c (in case either plan fails). I SO DO NOT WANT TO HURT MY DARLING, but also am finding myself so unworthy of this world that it trumps even that desire. It is the 19th, so I have at least given myself until the first of next month. after that, I simply do not know. I hope I can get back on my meds before I act on my urges. I don't even really know why I am writing here, other than that it is good to get my feelings out, Next couple weeks, I plan to see my MD to get more medicine. maybe that will help. yeah - that will do the trick. I'll give that a go. Someone please just pray for me. Please pray I hold out long enough for the medicine to take effect. You all know where I am - it's not that I WANT to die, but rather that I just don't see any point in going on. What would my death matter anyway? most people would not miss me, ant any who do would simply be better off without me. And as for my few enemies, I shall simply haunt them when I am gone.