hi ya'll. I wanted to ring something up(and this is gonna be longer than some of my posts so I'll try to break it up) .

I've noticed that somthing in me has changed since feburary and I don't know for better or worse yet. It's like somebody gave me a hammer. I'll try to explain.

I used to be this obediant, follow all the rules, do exactly as I'm told, stay home, balance the budget, cry all the time, do my little crafts, volunteer for the church .....person...I even slept on command.

Then I went to this hospital in florida that I had never been to before with kick ass councellors. I see this big change in me...and not all of it good.

I still cry alot, I whine about having to take my meds, I take 3mg of ativan a day instead of 1(and I'll get to why in a sec) I don't give a flip about how much things cost anymore. and I'll given to suggen urges to attack people..so far my husband while he's sleeping and I'm trying..and people in the movie theater bathrooms.(I came so close I scared myself, while is how I ended up in the other hospital this last time)

oh, and I'm hypoglycemic..so I drink....soda...enough to crash my bloodsugar because that's how I get high. and I've become addicted to doing it.

so I guess somebody gave me a taste for rebelion...a hammer...and instead of finishing the house..I'm smashing the windows..and I don't know how to stop.