Please don't go down this path. I know it's tempting sometimes, but things can and do improve.

You sound really firm in your decision, yet you're telling us.. Which sounds like you may realize you need help.. While you may think your pain will have ended, you would've started sooo many more peoples pain.. Do you really want that? You know what you need to do, call your pdoc..

Heretic,
you cant hun, please go to the hospital, its your illness...i refuse to lose you, we have held hands thru the very worst, before my bp. please dont do anything...get to the ER ASAP!!!

heretic- are you there?

what Chanel said. Do you want to talk?

Please please dont. I dont even know what to say, just that I am here if you need someone to talk to. You have shown me so much kindness in the past and I truly do value you. please go to the ER or something. I am so sorry you are feeling this poorly right now.

we're here for you at this awful time heretic.

please, get rid of that kit. burn it, flush it....just get rid of it. please.

((( Heretic)))
I feel so sad for you and to read this.
Please know that I am here for you , Please feel free to reach out to me , PM if you want .
I consider you a good friend here and would miss you !!
Please get rid of that kit !
PLEASE get help now . Go to the ER .
BIG HUGS of support for YOU

Mojo is right, it is NOT a good choice, getting help will get your more resources!!! Go inpatient, work the system - its time to leave that hotel, but NOT in a body bag!!!!!

It can't even imagine you gone! There is hope, we care is a sign of that... Your depression wants you dead! Going inpatient can qualify you for SSI - the hospital can start the process with their Paper Work - feeling suicidal is enough to do that!!!!

Please come back to us and hold on.... We care, and see your torture soul, and Know and many of us have been there - my first 20 years sucked, my 30's were pure hell - but I'm finally having a good year at 50!!!! Please give us a chance, let us be there! Go to ER, and start the necessary paper work - you can't get help!!!!!!!

Please don't give up yet. Please.

I know you feel like you are at the end of the line and nothing is working out.

There are a lot of people here who care about you.

Gina has some very good ideas about how to survive and get the help & care you need.

I for one, will cry....and miss you when you are gone. Please don't go.

Please don't do anything rash. I know it's hard but tomorrow might be the day when things get better and if you do something you won't be around to see it. That's how I keep going is by thinking this way. Sending you all the hugs I can to help you get though this. Hugs!

(((Heretic)))~~

I have always admired you for your ability to keep working your full-time job while struggling with bipolar. I want to continue to admire you for that. Call me selfish. Really, I just care about you and hope and pray that this isn't your final curtain call.

Hang on.

You haven't posted since this, are you still with us, are you still okay :(

I actively tried suicide, many years ago.

I also had a suicide kit. Did start the process then I told a therapist what I was thinking because I had promised her, that if it got to that point I would tell someone.

She played dirty and told me about all the people that I would affect. Also the it would affect them forever.

I didn't think that anybody would care. She then pointed about the people that were in groups that I was in. How they would wonder if they could have done, something, to make me hang around this planet for awhile.

Am not trying to be flip but from all of the replies to your initial posting it seems like you have many friends here. True you can't see us but that doesn't mean that we don't care.

Hope this finds you safe.

She's ok tonight guys. What a truly wonderful woman she is....

I've had 2 uncles who committed suicide. I never knew my uncle Larry: he died before my second birthday. I'll never know him because he thought no one cared. I care. He was funny and smart and my siblings loved him. I never will. My other uncle took his life when I was 10. I'm pretty sure that event triggered my bipolar (would've happened anyway--probably abfew years later.) I've been battling it since then. His grand kids will never know him. And the poor souls who found their bodies!! Don't get me wrong, I've faced the beast you're facing. I know exactly how I would kill myself. But every time I make myself think of my little baby niece who will never know me, who will grow up trying to fill that hole. I make myself think of my 9 year old niece who might be triggered into depression or worse by my death. I may want to end my life but I don't want to damage theirs. There are people who will miss you: many in this group. If you don't want to live for you, live for them.