One thing I have learned is that women sometimes just want to be heard and this can create friction because primarily men are problem solvers so we like to try to mend things or assuage negative thoughts by making light of them. It took me a long time to learn this so perhaps his intent is not as sinister as you would think. Although reading your DS posts over your shoulder is a definite boundary violation and probably something to discuss. I hope I made sense, I'm kind of tired at the moment.

Every one needs private time...stress to your fiance,your DS time is YOUR private time.

Also reassure him that your DS friends ,and the time you spend here ,is no threat to the love you have for him.

BUT you deserve some time and space of your own if you are going to have a sucessful relationship.

Ew, he sounds possessive/scary...may only escalate. If dude has boundary problems now...

Does your instinct send up red flags???

This seems to be such an issue with him...wasn't he also reading your journal? It sounds like he must feel really insecure about what's going on with you- has he talked to you about his insecurities, or dealt with them in someway? that must be really hard for you to live with someone who is that insecure...*hugs*

It's such an American idea that you ought 'to be able to talk about anything' with partner. Just my opinion. Maybe an unrealistic/unhealthy expectation.

I agree with lou.....we americans tend to americanize things too much. My hubby lets me have my private time on DS. I don't know what I would do without it. Sorry your fiance is doing this to you hanna.

Wow! Not to sound offensive, but this would be a deal breaker for me. I remember your post about him reading your journal. This guy will not get any better just because you are married. Something to really think about here. You might even tell him this is a deal breaker, unless you are also insecure....

if that is the case, you might consider this whole thing very unhealthy....

Gender aside, boundaries are boundaries and you have the right to your own private time/thoughts. Reading over your shoulder and reading your journal, whatever the relationship, unless that is something you are comfortable with and part of your relationship, sounds like it is an issue for you. It certainly would be for me. I would say is there a time when he is away that you can spend time on DS and write, but you shouldn't have to separate yourself from him in order to pursue an activity, especially one that you find so beneficial. It sounds like there are some control issues involved and, especially since you are getting married, you might want to talk to a professional about your concerns. I don't know your fiancee's attitude concerning therapy, but I can tell you that my partner and I have been together 15 years and mutual respect, in all areas, has been the key to our relationship. Also, even with the length of time we've been together, our minister STILL had us come in for a pre-wedding session and man, it was tough stuff! (And this is coming from seasoned therapy folks!) And this was from a Unitarian minister! Many ministers still do a pre-ceremony session/s to get to know you and discuss both the ceremony and your relationship. Now is an opportunity to discuss and move past this boundary problem before you would have to talk to the minister about it. Your privacy deserves to be respected and your fiancee needs to learn that it's OK for you to have other avenues of support besides him. And respect is the same regardless of the type of relationship, hetero, homo, bi, trans, etc.

Hanna, I'm sorry you are going through this. I am open with my husband about things. Has your fiance ever gone with you to the pdoc? Does he really know what you are going through? Is there anything we can do to be there for you?

I wondered why I hadn't seen you here as much lately. I agree with what everyone else has said. We all need private time. You should be able to have your time to be here at DS. If he is that jealous/controlling now, what about after getting married? Just my opinion, but I would not let my hubby keep me off ds.

i'm with kalima on this hanna, joint counselling and a pre-marital sit down is probably a good idea and if he won't go that's a strong indication that maybe he isn't really the partner you need. there's nothing more important in managing wellness than having a strong support system. ds is a major aspect of that for you and his attempts to control who you may and may not turn to for support is a little disturbing. he cannot be your sole means of support and he needs to really understand that. reading over your shoulder, reading your journal that's intimidation meant to cut you off from other avenues beyond him. i agree that he may have insecurity issues you're a beautiful women and he may feel the only way to keep you is to make sure you don't have any opportunity to have relationships outside of what you have with him. think about what you want from him in terms of support and let him know what you will and won't accept in terms of interference with your other outlets, sit down with a counsellor and go from there. you deserve to have a happy healthy and loving realtionship with a partner who really is supportive not just paying lip service. good luck!

You totally deserve to have somewhere safe to go and vent. We all deserve that! When I signed up for this new account, I was a little afraid to have my picture on here for fear my ex who used to go on here would find me and follow what I write. But then I realized...so what! I am not going to allow myself to be in fear and to have that fear prevent me from getting the support I need and deserve. You deserve to have that support as well and have it a safe place to be.

I have been re-thinking our relationship. I'm trying to work on it, and so is he, but I'm not sure if this is the right thing for us.

He has read my journal, over my shoulder while I'm writing. Esp. if he saw his name anywhere in my journal and he felt he was justified to speak about it if his name was in there. So now I only journal when he is not in the room....and if he walks into the room I automatically close the journal (without even finishing my sentence). So, he hasn't been reading my journal although I'm not sure if he would if he had the chance.

Our computers are right next to eachother. So while he 'could' be looking at his computer, he 'could' be looking at my DS stuff. He does ask me questions about whether I'm getting hit on, who I talk to, what do I talk about. No, my friends and BP. He makes it a point to tell me that I look pretty in a pic that I have up for my avi and then asks me if I'm getting hit on (also adds that "wow, that's an old pic" I don't know if it's an intentional dig at my self confidence)

Thanks for all your replies. I just don't know what to do...he's like a lawyer and thinks he can justify absolutely everything he does (including violating my privacy)

My husband is the same way. he read my posts over my shoulder a few times and does not like me coming on. I just try to avoid it when he's home or be careful about what I say while he's home. It's not fair. I feel the same. He says he wants me to talk to him, but when I do he gets upset because he's always on video games or watching tv. Then he says I'm manic cuz I talk too much.

You should be able to talk to your partner about anything, but the depth of that conversation will vary.

We all need to talk to people different people who are "experts" in some way. So you would tell your partner you are not ok but possibly look for empathy (rather than sympathy) here. Also you might get suggestion from here your partner cannot give.

Maybe as a problem solving male he feels threatened that DS gives the solutions he cannot? But then you could remind him that you need doctors also..and that is a similar situation.

On the boundary thing..if you need a space, be it DS or a journal then he should accept that.