i also remember you saying something about starting or being active in a bp group and he had a fit. why did he move you from where you were? were you too close to family support and all of that? these are some serious issues hannah and i hope for your sake you are able to work them out.

contrite made it clear..
us women want to be able to vent and have our feelings validated..this is how women talk to other women.eg.
.....'"i understand ..oh how awful''
men on the other hand tend to ask advice only if they need an answer or need something fixed..that is how they interact with each other..
when we want to vent to a man, they assume we want them to fix our problems, 'oh well its not that bad , try doing this or that'....then the argument starts...you think that he doesnt understand ,
its difficult, in his mind he thinks you want him to solve your problems..but really you just want him to validate how you feel.....but he shouldnt be reading over your shoulder.
hey lets see if he reads this lol :)
big hugs

.

and i hope i didnt offend any men with that little statement...i can give a vice versa if needed :)

My significant other knows I need my space when it comes to DS and therapy/pdoc. He has asked what I do on DS or how it helps and if I feel like answering the question I will, but he doesn't press me for information. He has also asked to speak with my pdoc, which I haven't agreed to either (I'm going to soon though). He knows my illness is not something he can comprehend, I'm not a computer glitch waiting to be fixed and that my time with people like me helps me feel less alone. He also knows that I don't tell him everything because he doesn't need to know every last detail. He is my support system and he gives me room to walk and grow on my own. Sometimes he does get frustrated, but it comes back to that "there's a problem and I can't fix it" situation. If your fiancee is in your personal space that much then it's a good idea (like mentioned before) talk to him about it, talk to a professional about it (together or separate) and do the pre-marriage evaluation with your denomination.

Reads your journal, reads over your shoulder when you're trying to have some private time on DS and questions you about it, Hmmm, not a good sign. These aren't things I would ignore. I think there is a big problem here and it may be considered a deal breaker. Do you really want your life to be like this forever? It will only get worse.....

I think this is something you have to think long and hard about. Again, not a good sign....

I certainly don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone that I can't trust. That's why we don't have ANY wedding plans at all. He insists he won't marry me until I'm "happy" (whatever that means), and I won't marry him until I know I can even stand to live with him.

Of course, I come on here and talk about him, so I have a valid reason for not wanting him to see what I'm writing about.

He's got a reason for everything he does, and the reason usually makes sense. So of course I'm made out to be the one in the wrong. Not sure if I want to spend the rest of my life like that either. I would talk to him about it, but he always makes me out to be the one in the wrong, and I can't stand it.

Just to clarify, he doesn't pick up and read my journal...he'll just read over my shoulder if I'm writing in it. Annoying all the same.

I think you deserve to have some privacy. Im not good at relationships, but if it were me, I wouldnt like it.

That is a misgivin . You cant and he cant be everything to you and you him. You are both human. You both need seperate lives. YOu need a seperate suppor group. Keep him involved and informed. Do not keep secerets. and you will be ok. Does he go to tharpay with you. Just learning how to comunicate is a big huge.

Hanna.
I was thnking and the guy before me is right. You need seperete lives. Atleast I do. Do tharapy together. There are alot of church based options out there. Plus lot of free ones. My ex and I did som estuff like that and it was fun for me. My ex couldnt always be ther for me. I am like you bipolar
and we need lots of help

In my experience, the people in my life who insist they 'understand' are usually the ones who don't. I don't know that you should necessarily be able to talk to him about everything - I don't know many couples who can. But you should be able to talk about your need to talk to people like yourself, to be able to open up. If he loves and trust you, he'll give you space. If not, do some couples counseling before you get married. It can't hurt. HUGS!!!

yes hanna you shoulsd be able to do anyting that you desire..being married shouldnt make any diffts..if anything it should be better...

yes you need to go talk to your freinds or people that you need to....

we all have to do this hanna.....dont be discourged...theres a wife and a husband that is what we call a ===!!!!! but if hes not giving you ur space and understanding the the = goes away!!!

Could you go to like 10 weeks of marriage counseling before you get married? This type of control is only going to get worse once he feels he "owns" you. Seek help now. I am just trying to be honest and help you as best I can. My brother is a minister and insists on 10 weekly sessions with anybody he marrys.