Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
and some days can feel so out of sync it's totally unbelievable to me, the difference in a day....an hour even in a few minutes. I don't like this one bit but I have no choice than to bite the damn bullet once again.
Damn why does it have to be like this, total inner restlessness but tired beyond belief?? What did I do that was so wrong in a past life to deserve all this utter bullshit now?? I'm very sad, my energy level is just gone out the window on me.
So tired of waiting for these mood shifts to pass.....christ I wait and wait....and time goes by, precious time that I will never get back. Time I could be spending with my son doing something constructive, something worth something but I can't keep the tears away long enough and I am too busy trying to hide so he doesn't see me like this.
I feel like I'm losing my mind tonight.....I haven't felt this alone in a very long, long time. This isn't good, not good at all.....
Damn why does it have to be like this, total inner restlessness but tired beyond belief?? What did I do that was so wrong in a past life to deserve all this utter bullshit now?? I'm very sad, my energy level is just gone out the window on me.
So tired of waiting for these mood shifts to pass.....christ I wait and wait....and time goes by, precious time that I will never get back. Time I could be spending with my son doing something constructive, something worth something but I can't keep the tears away long enough and I am too busy trying to hide so he doesn't see me like this.
I feel like I'm losing my mind tonight.....I haven't felt this alone in a very long, long time. This isn't good, not good at all.....
I'm sorry you feel restless I hate that feeling.
I hate going months and years until I find the correct med for me.
The ups and downs for me happen within minutes.....now I am ready to head back to my old job and ask them when I can come back to work...it's only been 6 freaking years!!! But I will do it just like that!!! That is my plan, I need to be able to help my son get his first car and SSDI will not let that happen!!!!
Yes bipolar robs of us of many things doesn't it....totally blows. sigh
And I do have the diagnoses of BP1 rapid cycling.....have for many years now....and I certainly have been cycling too!! Wish I could do so well on a damn bicycle!! lol
What about coming off your meds? Do you think thats why you feel so bad? Why did you come off therm? Was it because of the side effects? Well write back and let me know.
Abilify made me freaking scared to do ANYTHING.....I wouldn't drive the car out of town, made my agoraphobia worse not better.....did the reverse on me bigtime. I still take my Amoxapine and klonopin....the amoxapine has AP properties to it that's one the pdoc put me on it. And the AP's also give me bad tardive's side effects like making my face feel like it's sliding off my damn skull, facial grimacing too. Not going to tolerate that crap...can't do it. I was told it was from long term use of AP's, am considering Geodon,,,,,gotta talk to the pdoc next week and see what he says.
That is the gist of things with me right now.....rapid cycling from hell for a while now.....sigh
I am so sorry for your roller coaster. It's exhausting.
I just wanted to say that I bet your son would rather have a healthy, functioning, happy mom than a car any day. Did your parents help you with your first car?
The only help we gave the Babys with respect to their first cars was to help line up their first off-farm jobs. :)
Please don't be discouraged. Do you practice yoga?
No, I got no help with my first car, bought it all on my own....started working when I was 15yo at a local dry cleaners. So I know I shouldn't be so down on myself over not being able to help him out.....ugh.
There is a long story behind why I feel the way I do about helping out my son. His father has had nothing to do with him since he was about the age of 4, no child support, no contact...just moved away and never looked back. I think therein lies the guilty factor that I lay on myself.
My son has been looking for a job, but couldn't find anyone to hire a 15 yo, kept saying too young. He's been volunteering at the local museum this summer, I thought what better way to prepare him for the job that he will be getting, hopefully after school a few days a week this school year!
I do not atm practice yoga but will certainly be looking into it. I may have a book around here that could help me out, going to scout around after dinner for it.