Sounds like you don't really come first to yourself... I hope that doesn't come as criticism I mean it in that I can totally relate. When I'm really upset nobody used to seem to care in my life, but then I was usually the first to bend over backwards when someone else was having a rotten day.

Now I say the hell with it. I'm a grown woman and I don't need to give everything for someone else to like me. If they don't reciprocate in the way I'd like, then I have the right to say "See ya" or just accept it the way it is...

One of my friends in particular I have this problem with. She is NOT there for me, but I've come to the conclusion that she is incapable of that. I have learned to accept it and be there in ways that are convenient and comfortable for me. Expecting anything in return is where I get in trouble...

I do care about you and I think you have a lot of great qualities. Maybe you can join a meetup group or something? I did and I have met some cool people through there... just an idea. Just getting OUT there more helped me a lot...

You have a dysfunctional family, and you are blaming them - because you don't have enough friends or life, you think their words and actions are YOUR LIFE....

My family SUCKS! you can check out any journal, and I can smoke you with loneliness and family members, not only are mine not there, or nice - they don't right try and insult me every turn!

With depression and bad habits, are circles are small - so for you, Mom, brothers and sisters, dad - but if we were healthy with friends and jobs, our family would just upset us -

Instead, we "devastate" ourselves, wanting what they don't have to give! Your circles should have more friends and support, groups maybe, outings and things with people - NOT blood...

So the goal is to get healthy, so instead of sis busy, your busy - doing bigger and bigger circles, instead of the prison/hell WE create in our minds....

Hope this helped- LOL, its kind of where I'm at too : )

Gem, I don't come first to myself... I always try to take care of others. It gets me used and hurt- a lot. I need to learn how to say no and I need to learn how to just look the other way sometimes. The problem with joining a meetup group is that I don't have a car and most meetings are at night or places the bus doesn't go... It gets frustrating.

Thanks for the words of encouragement Gina! I am trying to find new friends but it's just hard to meet people that have free time, even when the semester is in progress and I meet new people all the time.

You sounds like a giver. I'm a giver. You do everything for other people in the hope they will do the same for you.

You take time to make them feel special and loved and you want that in return.

But normal people aren't really like that. I use the term normal loosely.

Stop running around after them and stop expecting anything from them.

If you do too much then you expect something back, so you're setting them up for failure and your self for disappointment.

Take time to enjoy who you are. and do what you want. If you are happy then they will be drawn to you.

I have a rule. Expect nothing from anyone, that way you can only be pleasantly surprised if they do give something.

You are a real bright girl and I love reading your posts Shlay. I'm sorry if I was harsh, or out of line in any way. I just think you're selling yourself short and would benefit from meeting a better group of people (or even just one)...

Heck I'm far from perfect myself... I can totally relate...

(((HUGS)))

That's really good advice Chocmonster. I just *assume* that people will treat me how I treat them, and it just never happens. I've never met someone who gives as much as I do.

I do need to learn to expect nothing from anyone. I feel better for it!

Oh, Gem! You weren't harsh at all! No worries Hun! I try and meet new people all the time, it just never seems to work out for some reason. That's why I think I'm defective.

Shlay, you're everything you need inside you.

I hope you start feeling better soon. It might be an idea to take up a new hobby meet new people. It might make you feel less dependent on the people you have around you at the moment.

I think I will feel a lot better once the Fall semester starts and I'm back in school again. People ask me to tutor them, I can talk to people outside while smoking cigs, and hopefully make some new friends.

You making plans to get better in the fall? So does that mean, your family "will be letting you down" all summer??? jeez..

We are responsible for our own happiness - no one else, not spouse or parents. I learned to say NO, when I realized I WAS hurting myself, no one else....

Maybe its time to figure out how to get a car..... My NAMI meetings, we pick up members that don't have a ride - sometimes eat lunch together after the meeting.... practicing how to socialize and act - while joking about being crazy : )

Gina, I am going to Arizona from the 6th till the 18th next month to see my dad and grandmother, so I have that to look forward to. But other than that, yes, I am making plans for Fall to be happy.

I hate asking people for rides, I always feel like such a mooch.

I'm a little confused because just a few days ago you were pleased about and thankful for your mom. Seems you kinda go back and forth regarding her. I'm just saying that you must have some mixed feelings. I agree with Gina...time to figure out how to get your own car. That should alleviate a lot of these problems, no?

Good luck & feel better!

"Feel" like a mooch?

or

isolate, lonely, pouting and wanting others to do- what you should be doing for yourself?

Hope you have a great time, but you did explain your dad could be rough, sooooooooooooooo - maybe get some tools, so you don't expect him to make you happy : )

or wait till fall.......... LOL ((((BIG HUG)))))

Gina... I'm pouting? And what am I expecting others to do for me?

Bitten, I am thankful for my mom when she is in my life! It really means a lot to me! I was just having a rough day today- over thinking everything, plus a fight with a friend. Some days I just get really sad and lonely living alone, but that's what I thought this support group was for! lol