Maybe the Healty Sex forum here at DS?

Good suggestion QuackedUp. I've never experienced any insecurities about my sex organs, not even sure what there could be to feel insecure about so I guess I can't join the convo.

Yeah, the Healthy Sex forum here on DS is a good idea.

Thank you every one I will check it out and think carefully before posting.

I don't see why you can't discuss it here, sure it's off topic but it's something that effects everyone whether it be directly or otherwise.

If you are interested you can look it up on the healthy sex forum. Trust me it was inappropriate for this one.

I know of a lot of people who have increased libido when they are manic/hypomanic and who have decreased libido when depressed. There are also those who experience loss of libido as a medication side effect.

This can be an issue for bpers and a major life issue for many. It is part and parcel of many people's experience of bipolar.

Why sweep it under the carpet and relegate it to some other board where the link between bipolar and libido is not as well understood?

I read what you posted and I didn't agree with any of it, but it was interesting none the less.

I don't see why it couldn't have been posted here though. I really don't see that as being inappropriate at all.

Don't know. Any one can look it up, I don't mind but honestly I didn't really want to discuss it on DS. But I don't want to discuss it on a porn site either. And I'm not looking around so I social net work is not good for it either.

Maybe it could have been posted here. but honestly I don't feel it's related to bi polar other than the lack of sex drive. So I would have no way of know if it is appropriate here or not.

I have insecurities but it is not due to my bipolor. I was raped 5 times and had cancer surgery that left me very scared. I wouldnt even think of sex for a long time. Now I have a wonderful hubby that loves me the way I am and not for how it looks...Sex is great in spite of my problems...

Lack of sex drive due to bipolar and medications is a really big issue. People should address it more often.

Yes I hear you. But my lack of sex drive is convenient for me right now.

My post on the healthy sex group wasn't really about my lack of sex drive more about my insecurities. But I have many more than just what was listed there.

For example I'm extremely over weight. the men who've been attracted to me had ulterior motives and were not interested in me. Honestly I know I'm not ugly but I know what I look like and it's not what most consider attractive. That plus mix in the mental illness plus the fact that I don't bathe regularly, don't work, don't cook, and don't clean. And if that wasn't bad enough I don't feel like putting out.

Not only am I not in a good mental state for a relation ship, I have nothing to offer.

Plus mix in the fact that I am a drug addict who is always at risk for relapse. And I did relapse about a year ago. I haven't been tempted to use but honestly no matter what a drug addict is a drug addict. And no matter how much time you have clean you are always at risk of relapse. What people fail to realize about addiction is that just because you are clean does not mean the addiction goes away. You have to live with that the rest of your life.

Not to mention that I have bad credit which will also destroy any good credit the potential man might have. While normally most things disappear after seven years I have federal loans and those never disappear.

All that plus I have a low tolerance for bullshit, and I'm very demanding. I know I'm no picnic.

I have very specific requirements. He will have to have a house a steady job, and car. He will have to have plenty of things in common with me, plus be completely mentally stable. I also want some one smart who I can respect. He's going to have to hold his own against me or quite honestly I will bulldoze him.

I understand where you're coming from.
I'm overweight too and it astounds me that my husband even married me in the first place because he is far too attractive for me.
It causes a lot of problems in our relationship because I don't like to be intimate because I feel really ugly.

I've had a lot of bad relationships with men in the past and it's really knocked my self confidence. I'm trying though, and I guess that's all you really can do.

You'll find someone, if a fatass like me can find someone who caters to my every outburst then anyone can.

Honestly doorknob, I dont think that topic would have been innapropriate here at all. You might want to consider posting it here but that is up to you. I think you would get a very honest opinion here based on the fact that we do sometimes have greater insecurities and other times a huge amount of sex drive that causes us not to care at all.

Just a few comments about what you said over there. You made a comment that women have alot more insecurities than men. I dont agree. I have consulted with men on this topic as well as women when I worked for an infertility specialist in a large OB-GYN practice. No, it did not include all men, but I can tell you that even when the woman was larger, the man felt guilty and self conscious that he could not satisfy his partner.

One reason a woman might experience the larger size, especially at a more mature age, is lack of hormones and hormone changes. It tends to deplete the "fullness" and create problems. This can happen at an earlier age with multiple births. I was fortunate and after my fourth son my OB-GYN doc thought to put a few extra stiches in.

I agree that there are MANY techniques for handling pleasure and satisfaction in a relationship. While there are elements of insecurity, there are ways to build self esteem and be happy with who we are.

I find sex very pleasurable with my husband and that has deepened over the years. The enjoyment comes more in the pleasure of the act because we love each other deeply and feeling that emotion while making love transends all other thoughts.

Maybe focusing more on the act itself and less on the attributes or lack of would produce a much more pleasurable encounter. Many of our insecurities come from low self esteem in other areas of our life. We seem to take them out on our bodies and self presentation. The world seems big on that but if you are in tune with your inner self and learn to love who you are, you will be more likely to attract someone who wants you for who you are and not what you have.

Don't get me wrong. I get where you are coming from because I have been there. Especially wondering why in the hell my husband would want to have sex with me after four kids and all the physical changes that come from it. But, he has changed also and together we just dont focus on that. The act is more that of pleasing each other. I no longer have those insecurities and part of that is due to conversations with my husband.

I can tell you that when I am hypersexual, I dont care on single bit how I look and never have. It is more about the sexual gratification that never comes when I am like that. It is insatiable. When not hypersexual I can now enjoy the act and be satisfied without focusing on things that make no difference anyway.

Hmmm I've seen a few fat women with very good looking men. I don't know about relationship wise but I've been able to manage one night stands with men I thought might be out of my league. In fact at the age of 29 I was having sex with a 19 year old. I know some will probably find that sick, and it was all about sex nothing else. And I by no means forced or manipulated him. We met online and he just would not stop talking dirty. Well you know how this leads to that. Honestly never under estimate the power of flirtation, mixed with a healthy dose of a fun personality.

Honestly though I'm not too worried about my looks I could weasel my way into some ones heart. It's just that I question men who approach me. Its one thing if they already know me. But a when a complete stranger starts lying and telling me I'm so beautiful I wonder what kind of drugs hes on. Honestly I attract psychos and other losers like a magnet, I always have though. It's like they all know when I'm in town.

I will say I probably do worry about my looks some what but not for sex. If a man whom I accept is interested in me I know how important it is to keep having sex regularly. Sex is very important to men and they still find us attractive even if we don't. I'd either be questioning what was wrong with him or proud of myself for having him fooled. Yeah I have an ego too. Probably effected by my mood the whole bi polar thing.

Believe it or not men who are mature are similar to women. More interested in the person then just looks. And some times a beautiful personality or what ever personality floats their boat is way more important than looks.

I regret the saying anything about the whole 19 year old thing. I just know some one will attack me on that. He was on a dating website it's not like I'm pedophile or any thing.