I am safe right now and can stay safe. I just want that out first, so please no suggestions to call my doctor or go to the hospital. I see my therapist tomorrow and will tell him everything. If he suggest the hospital I will go.

I have been having thoughts about killing myself, not to actually doing it, but thinking of the how to do it. Will it be painful, what would it feel like and that kind of thing.

I have been thinking about homicide. Not of committing it, no planning. I have been thinking about how I would get away with it. How I would choose who to take and things like that.

I have been thinking intensely about self harming. I have been remembering times I have done it in the past. I have been remembering the way it looked and the way it felt and the way it made me feel.

My mind is really in a twisted and dark place right now. The strange thing is they are just thoughts I am having. They are making me feel guilty and terrible. But I know I will not go forward with any of it. I am using my DBT skills and they are helping a little. I just can't figure out where this morbid thinking is coming from.

Suggestions and comments would be helpful.