I will light a candle in the darkness.

you are not selfish you sound just like me. I dont have any words of wisdom.

I feel the same way at times. My daughter just told me the other day that everyone is somewhat bipolar. I laughed because I want to know what somewhat bipolar is like! How are your meds...do you take meds? Have you talked to you dr? It does get better, believe me...I have dealt with this for 19 years (really all my life) But only the past 19 years have I known. I like to write a journal, I have one from 1986, I pull it out when I feel real low and write in it. I also write short stories or poems that just pop in my head. Gives me a way to vent or calm down. You also have the right to ask for help...you need to know there are people out here willing to help. Best wishes.

Sweetie...everyone has times when they feel guilty. Guilty about money being tight b/c they can't work, or guilty b/c they snap at the drop of a hat, or guilty about bipolar. I even feel like a burden at times. Those are all normal emotions for the situation that you have to live in. It's ok. You aren't strange. You aren't weird. And most of all, you aren't alone. We love you and I am here if you need an ear!

wow, thanks. it really feels good that you replied so quickly.
I've been on some meds but i don't have insurance and they're frickin' expensive. Also right now I'm spending my summer with a family who is totally accomodating, but totally different culture (a culture which doesn't accept mental illness), so physically I'm a fish out of water and mentally/emotionally I'm totally alone...

I don't have insurance either and yes, they are FREAKIN expensive. I am waiting on patient assistance. Talk to your dr. about it. They have to sign you up for it. I know you have to qualify income wise, and the waiting period is long, but well worth it in the end. I think it is $5 per medication to apply. Not bad at all. You can also find assistance programs online.. I know Montel Williams has one that he sponsors. Do some lookin...there is help if you can find it! Good luck

I also keep journals like chattykathy. I have a little umm I guess you can call it a poem that I have on my fridge and on my nightstand that I read when I am really down. I will share it with you. Add your own and see if that helps

I am thankful that the sun was shining today
I am thankful that I can breathe
I am thankful that when I am sad my cats spoon with me
I am thankful that I was able to check myself into a valle vista before I killed myself
I am thankful that I have found a safe haven
I am thankful that I no longer feel alone
I am thankful that my friend called me tonight and I could be there for her
I am thankful that camel came out with a pink box
I am thankful that I slept a for 7 hours last night
I am thankful that I found Daily Strength cause that is what it gives me
I am thankful that I hope when I thought there was none left in the world for me
I am thankful that I have an imagination that can save me from the dullness of life
I am thankful that I woke up this morning
I am thankful that I was hypo manic today
I am thankful that the moon was so beautiful tonight
I am thankful that some angel created toaster waffles
I am thankful that when the nightmares rule my brain that I can hold my teddy bear
I am thankful that I can feel the wind on my skin
I am thankful that I can draw and write again
I am thankful that I have met some amazing and inspiring people when I thought I would be alone forever
I am thankful for daisy cause they make me smile
I am thankful for being me

Get on your meds. I was cycling rapidly and ended up in the hospital 5x in 6 weeks. I changed them and am doing so much better. Never feel guilty for what you are. Acceptance is a huge part of dealing with this ilness. It is a tricky one because it will tell you you're ok. You are not selfish either. It take a lot of time to deal with this ilness. Educate yourself, get therapy to get tools to deal with it.
Hang in there, it can get better

you're not selfish....not at all

I am very afraid to be on my meds. I think I know some people that could help me out, but I hate to lose my life. I know I'm different than other people, but who are they to say that my different is wrong... I just felt so jaded with life when I was on my meds... I have been reading all I can about this and tryin' to talk to people, but then when I see my symptoms I feel like I'm just getting the ideas from what I read. Do any of you ever experience that?

Yes I felt that way. I have to really look inside and sort that out. It takes self honesty to not buy into things. My wife helps me, I'll ask her straight out when I come across something. Sometimes the answers suck - lol

I know what you mean about the "everyone is bipolar" response. I hate that. It comes from people who don't take bipolar seriously. Also, I have talked to people who claim to be bipolar who I'm not sure if they are. They claim to be, but have no diagnosis and don't fit the description in my mind. Is it just me, or does everyone get this?