i hate both.
theres genuine pity.
and then theres false pity.
then theres self compassion
and then theres self absorbation.

who knows man the lines are thin.

I don't think it's a character flaw, but it is something I think can be bad for you if you get in that pity mode and stay there. Everyone needs a day here and there to just feel bad and maybe even pity their situation some, but all in all, if you focus on helping others, at least for me, that is what helps me keep going. I am not saying I don't have pity day, lord knows I do, but I try to avoid them as much as I can. There is always someone out there, no matter how tragic my story may be, who is worse off than I am. I have healthy kids, a roof over my head and something to eat every day. Can't help but feel blessed most of the time even when I'm down in the dumps.

I don't care for the word pity much either though I have been quilty of throwing a few pity parties for myself ( since no one else would ), however; I am fair I often invite others to join me. My invites are usually declined.
I am a care giver and have been all of my life and the only times I truly feel pity for myself is when I'm mentally and psyhically exhausted and feel unappreciated or when life seems unfair.
Fortunately the pity for myself does not last long, it doesn't change anything so I try not to dwell on the source of it for too long.

This is an interesting post... I agree with Gracie that I don't like the word pity. It's nitpicky, but I prefer 'compassion', because pity sounds like you think less of the person (in my mind) like "oh what a loser, how sad" whereas compassion sounds more like empathy, like "That could be me so I won't judge them too harshly". Nitpicking,I know.

I'm not a Buddhist (where is Richard when you need him??) but whatever the term is, it's like you said, Heretic, it's a form of love. And to be merciless to one's self is not a good extreme either.