Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
(This should probably be for the Bereavement section, but since I feel it applies to both, I'll post this over there as well.)
I was recently diagnosed bipolar, and unfortunately missed a session with my therapist. The good news is he will do his best to make that up.
It can't be soon enough because some bad junk went down and I'm a big ball of nerves, though doing my best to maintain. Here's the problem, Part I:
I am still grieving the loss of my father since April 2009, and trying to deal with the trauma from that, as well as the eventual foreclosure of the home we shared for 9 years, not to mention the trauma of constant emotional and psychological abuse from people I mistakenly trusted to help me. One man in particular, who put me up in several different places after I left my home, I trusted to store some property for me. I haven't seen it since and when I'd ask where it went, he'd say he didn't know. But that's not the worst of it. I was living in a raunchy old hotel in a very bad neighborhood, and unfortunately HE became the landlord my last two months of living there after his ex-wife became ill with cancer. I was working the rent off at thrift store the ex-wife owned; but they had to close it and since I had no way to pay rent I had to find another place to live. I asked my niece to take me in and she agreed. I knew it was asking a lot of her, but at that point there were no more options and I hated the thought of going to a shelter.
I left the hotel June 23rd 2012. My niece and her partner took two trips to help get my stuff, and there was quite a bit of stuff. Before we went back to my room to get the rest, we sorted out the bulk of the stuff at her place to downsize everything. After we were done, we went back to the hotel for the rest of my items.
Among the items I treasured most were some heirloom jewelry passed down from my grandmother (deceased), some jewelry from my deceased mother, my late father's Korean War ribbon, several religous articles and several old magazines I loved and cannot replace without considerable expense. I had it all in a box or bag waiting in my room between moving sessions.
I did not realize, until a month later, that none of those items EVER made it to my new residence. When I asked the landlord about it, he denied even seeing them. The problem is, HE is the only one with a key to my room, plus he has a history of stealing from people. Several of the tenants at the hotel reported items missing, including medication.
I filed a police report the next evening and plan to talk to an attorney. But I am so hurt and so angry about the cruelty of this man, who knew what my father meant to me and has caused me so much distress in the past. It was like he had to put one last knife in my gut before I was free of him.
It brought so much grief back to me that it made me have lots of crazy thoughts and suspicions, which leads to Part 2 of my problem.
When you've been through so much loss and unfair treatment, it's too easy to become paranoid and suspicious, even of the people who are being kind to you and trying to help you because at some point you don't know WHO you can trust anymore. I'm sorry to say I even began to suspect my niece of taking the jewelry, which was quite illogical since the landlord would have had far more motive and an inclination to hurt me that my niece couldn't have. I was even hoping she HAD taken it so at least I might know where it was...and because of that I did something really stupid.
The other day, while she and her partner were out, I decided to search her room. All went well until two drawers on her nightstand got stuck. Knowing she would discover that and trying to cover my butt, I came up with a little white lie ("I was looking for a bandaid, yada yada yada) that hopefully she bought. She wasn't happy that I went snooping in her room like that, but what was I going to tell her??? "Ah, I thought you took Grandma's jewelry, so I was looking for it in your room!" Even if she hadn't wanted to kick me out of the house (a scary thought), she would have been pretty upset at my suspecting her and things would never have been the same between us...and I couldn't have lived with that.
So needless to say, I'm a mess. It's like this whole situation brought me right back to that terrible year I lost Dad and was waiting to lose my home. I was just starting to move forward and now THIS had to happen. I could curse myself for my own stupidity and lack of faith in my niece, who has been so wonderful to me and helped me when I needed her most and whom I am trying to help as well. I worry that she will wonder if I was trying to steal something, and I can't tell her the real reason I was there. Maybe I'm just projecting, I hope; I have tried so hard not to be a burden to my niece and her family, in fact I've done my best to help out around the house and all, and her good will means so much...yet it seems like I'm constantly screwing up, like leaving the water on and like that---and while I have a lot of freedom, there are of course the rules of her house I have to conform to. Sometimes I feel like our roles are reversed to a parent/child thing.
To sum it all up, I have not only been robbed of precious possessions that I tried so hard to protect, but of something more precious: my peace of mind and the harmony of my new home. I am praying about this situation and doing spiritual reading and all, and hoping time will ease all this craziness. But since I have an SSI pending, I am also hoping I will have the means to FINALLY get a place of my own, since living with relatives (or friends) is always a complicated thing---especially when bad crap like this happens.
And I am also hoping for justice. That hateful man, who thankfully is no longer my landlord, has victimized so many people. It's times like this when it hurts so badly that Dad is gone; even though I'm 51 years old, I feel lost and alone in hard cruel world---that seems to be getting harder and crueler each year. I try to keep a positive attitude, and believe it will get better someday; it's just right now I really needed to get this off my chest. Your prayers would be much appreciated. Thank you and God Bless You.
I was recently diagnosed bipolar, and unfortunately missed a session with my therapist. The good news is he will do his best to make that up.
It can't be soon enough because some bad junk went down and I'm a big ball of nerves, though doing my best to maintain. Here's the problem, Part I:
I am still grieving the loss of my father since April 2009, and trying to deal with the trauma from that, as well as the eventual foreclosure of the home we shared for 9 years, not to mention the trauma of constant emotional and psychological abuse from people I mistakenly trusted to help me. One man in particular, who put me up in several different places after I left my home, I trusted to store some property for me. I haven't seen it since and when I'd ask where it went, he'd say he didn't know. But that's not the worst of it. I was living in a raunchy old hotel in a very bad neighborhood, and unfortunately HE became the landlord my last two months of living there after his ex-wife became ill with cancer. I was working the rent off at thrift store the ex-wife owned; but they had to close it and since I had no way to pay rent I had to find another place to live. I asked my niece to take me in and she agreed. I knew it was asking a lot of her, but at that point there were no more options and I hated the thought of going to a shelter.
I left the hotel June 23rd 2012. My niece and her partner took two trips to help get my stuff, and there was quite a bit of stuff. Before we went back to my room to get the rest, we sorted out the bulk of the stuff at her place to downsize everything. After we were done, we went back to the hotel for the rest of my items.
Among the items I treasured most were some heirloom jewelry passed down from my grandmother (deceased), some jewelry from my deceased mother, my late father's Korean War ribbon, several religous articles and several old magazines I loved and cannot replace without considerable expense. I had it all in a box or bag waiting in my room between moving sessions.
I did not realize, until a month later, that none of those items EVER made it to my new residence. When I asked the landlord about it, he denied even seeing them. The problem is, HE is the only one with a key to my room, plus he has a history of stealing from people. Several of the tenants at the hotel reported items missing, including medication.
I filed a police report the next evening and plan to talk to an attorney. But I am so hurt and so angry about the cruelty of this man, who knew what my father meant to me and has caused me so much distress in the past. It was like he had to put one last knife in my gut before I was free of him.
It brought so much grief back to me that it made me have lots of crazy thoughts and suspicions, which leads to Part 2 of my problem.
When you've been through so much loss and unfair treatment, it's too easy to become paranoid and suspicious, even of the people who are being kind to you and trying to help you because at some point you don't know WHO you can trust anymore. I'm sorry to say I even began to suspect my niece of taking the jewelry, which was quite illogical since the landlord would have had far more motive and an inclination to hurt me that my niece couldn't have. I was even hoping she HAD taken it so at least I might know where it was...and because of that I did something really stupid.
The other day, while she and her partner were out, I decided to search her room. All went well until two drawers on her nightstand got stuck. Knowing she would discover that and trying to cover my butt, I came up with a little white lie ("I was looking for a bandaid, yada yada yada) that hopefully she bought. She wasn't happy that I went snooping in her room like that, but what was I going to tell her??? "Ah, I thought you took Grandma's jewelry, so I was looking for it in your room!" Even if she hadn't wanted to kick me out of the house (a scary thought), she would have been pretty upset at my suspecting her and things would never have been the same between us...and I couldn't have lived with that.
So needless to say, I'm a mess. It's like this whole situation brought me right back to that terrible year I lost Dad and was waiting to lose my home. I was just starting to move forward and now THIS had to happen. I could curse myself for my own stupidity and lack of faith in my niece, who has been so wonderful to me and helped me when I needed her most and whom I am trying to help as well. I worry that she will wonder if I was trying to steal something, and I can't tell her the real reason I was there. Maybe I'm just projecting, I hope; I have tried so hard not to be a burden to my niece and her family, in fact I've done my best to help out around the house and all, and her good will means so much...yet it seems like I'm constantly screwing up, like leaving the water on and like that---and while I have a lot of freedom, there are of course the rules of her house I have to conform to. Sometimes I feel like our roles are reversed to a parent/child thing.
To sum it all up, I have not only been robbed of precious possessions that I tried so hard to protect, but of something more precious: my peace of mind and the harmony of my new home. I am praying about this situation and doing spiritual reading and all, and hoping time will ease all this craziness. But since I have an SSI pending, I am also hoping I will have the means to FINALLY get a place of my own, since living with relatives (or friends) is always a complicated thing---especially when bad crap like this happens.
And I am also hoping for justice. That hateful man, who thankfully is no longer my landlord, has victimized so many people. It's times like this when it hurts so badly that Dad is gone; even though I'm 51 years old, I feel lost and alone in hard cruel world---that seems to be getting harder and crueler each year. I try to keep a positive attitude, and believe it will get better someday; it's just right now I really needed to get this off my chest. Your prayers would be much appreciated. Thank you and God Bless You.
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Good Thursday to you!I've been watching a really long trial on Youtube these last couple of nights and will finish tomorrowHopefully I'll be in the land of nod soon and I hope my peeps are having sweet dreams followed by a great daySending hugs...xo
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
Your dad sounds like he was a very caring man.
I am sorry that this landlord stole precious items. People like that are just evil, IMO.
Yes. Even in the deep south, people are beginning to feel the effects of the economy and the evil of other people-the cutthroat nature of people, as it were. Hard luck. Sometimes I ALMOST feel like I live in the 1930's.
I am glad that you are here.
Hugs,
Achala
It is truly sad that such unreasoning evil exists in some people's hearts--the recent tragedies in Wisconsin and Colorado are but two of many, many examples. In spite of everything I believe and hope that good will triumph in the end.
And yes, it does seem like we've gone back to the '30s sometimes...if only we could go back to 1930s PRICES! XD
I'm sorry you're struggling with so much.. If you can try to reign it in a little and work with what you can sort out a day at a time otherwise things can get so overwhelming it's debilitating..,,
I'm sorry for the grief you feel.. I know how painful it is..
It's good you've done what you can to get your possessions back and I hope you do..
Big hug of comfort for you and a blessing..x
it's not fair. :(
'
In the end my brother ripped me off to the tune of 300-450K depending upon which bank you talk to . I ended up with 168K in the bank and some possession. I went on a hell of a manic spending spree and now well my bank account is back down to normal ranging from -100 to 800 to the good depending upon the day of the month. The possessions? Most were stolen by a terribly selfish X of mine tho my brother did manage to steal some too. It makes me sick but it is what it is. I can never replace the items and for quite some time I was really pissed but earlier this year decided to let it go. They were after all only things and I sure as hell cant take them with me when I die
I am sorry about your dad - hold tight to the memories those cant be stolen and please quit snooping in othjers belongings its not very nice
And re the snooping--I've learned my lesson about that anyway. It was a in a moment of desperation and thoughtlessness; it doesn't make it right, I know, and I've repented it over and over. I came on here because I felt so bad about it...so please everybody, lesson learned, k?
As for the parent/child reversal....that doesn't apply here, Your not her parent, she's not your daughter. You don't have any rights to tell her what to do or which rules to have and follow. Your a guest in her house, and she's an adult. Like you said her charity and good will have been great but that doesn't mean she's going to let you treat her or her posessions poorly.
Are you on meds currently? to help with the anxiety, fear,emotional upheaval? If not, you probably should talk to your pdoc about getting on some.
I hope that the police can find your jewelry....what about your nieces partner, how well do you know that person? they were in the room with jewelry also.
I would absolutely NOT go through anymore of your nieces' house...having a houseguest underfoot, is hard and most women are territorial. All you can do to make that situation easier is do what your asked and don't cross anymore lines.
Take care,
Kat
The "total stranger" happened to be the manager of the building I lived in, who had a moral responsibility to be trustworthy in regard to his tenants and their possessions.
Second, I have never gone into my relative's room again and don't intend to. In a moment of anxiety, and yes, foolishness, and even an insane hope, I went through her things, but will never do so again. I felt terrible about what I did and THAT is why I came on here to talk about it.
Finally: it is said not to criticize your neighbor until you have walked a mile in his moccassins. If you only knew the avalanche of crap that fell on me over these last three years and how desperately I am trying to get out of it...hopefully you would understand my feelings. I was just starting to move past my loss and the bad times, and now I feel my exlandlord's act has set me back again. I intend to talk to my therapist about the whole mess and also go to legal aid to see if anything can be done.
In addition, I will ask the moderator to remove this topic, since I'm getting more judgment than support.
To those of you who have offered actual support, my thanks and apologies.
I did read your entire post. I'm sorry you've had such a long string of sad and unfortunate circumstances. My condolences for the loss of your father. Sounds like you were very close. I've lost my dad too. Though I'm about your age he's been gone for 25+ years.
I'm also sorry you lost your prized possessions during your transition from the hotel to your niece's. I love old, sentimental treasures. None of them are very valuable but they are meaningful. I had to keep it in check though or I would have become a hoarder. I found it difficult to part with anything -- especially gifts from others -- because I associated the person to the object .... to extreme. Now my most treasured possessions are my memories. Maybe you could compose something for each of the pieces you lost describing it, the meaning of it, your relationship with that person, etc. You might even find pics similar to the missing items and put it all in a scrapbook.
Have you ever thought about just being completely honest with your niece about looking for your missing jewelry? By explaining that you were just hoping against hope that the pieces might still be around somewhere and that's what led you to look for them, I think you'd clear the air and clear your conscience.
Take care Ethel. This really is a caring, understanding and supportive site despite your first interactions. Please stick around to let more get to know you.
I'm not sure the value of your possessions, but have you checked into Small Claims Court? Theres a max monetary amount, but I can't remember what it is. Have you thought about taking this Manager to Small Claims Court for the value of your possessions that he got rid of? Might be more beneficial than waiting for the police to do something. Just a thought.
I love my niece and appreciate all she has done for me; but all things being equal, it's still awkward living in somebody else's house for me. I have self-esteem issues anyway, and having been diagnosed with BPD doesn't exactly help. Once I can get some decent medical care for that, I'm hoping things pick up; for now, I just have this projected image of being the family "nut case".
Yep, I was very close to my dad, and even three years later I am dealing with his loss. My family has meant so much more to me now, bbut sometimes I wonder how it affected the rest of them. I'm sure they miss Dad, but, but they still had their jobs, their homes, and each other. Though I do appreciate all they've done for me, it's pretty humiliating to be a charity case to them.
I do hope in time I can talk to my niece about the incident, and I hope she will understand that I meant no harm. I was almost hoping she did have the jewelry, in fact---better for it to be in the hands of a family member than a hard-hearted stranger.
The dynamics in our family have always been "iffy", and in fact trust issues have run rampant for years---sometimes quite honestly. I love my family and pray for them every day, and hope with all my heart and soul I can finally come into my own again, and take care of myself and even be able to do more for them.
Thank you again for your kind support, and God Bless You. :)
Thank you for your suggestion, and sorry for my reaction earlier. I know you've been to hell and back too, and I hope things get better for you.
I amN in fact, thinking of going to small claims court, or legal aid or whoever manages these things. There is of course the burden of proof, but hopefully we can get over that hump.
Some of the things can be replaced, but only with considerable trouble and expense. The Korean ribbon with the bronze stars can probably be replaced too, though it was something my father had personally owned, and so the sentimental value is priceless. My mother's jewelry and grandmother's cannot be replaced. My mom's jewelry was costume jewelry, but still it was hers. My grandma's ruby ring and pearl necklace were very old and worth God knows how much---but even if they came from a gumball machine they would have meant something. I never sold them even at times I needed money the worst.
So I will take whatever legal action I can about this thing---I know from experience that the police dept. Works too slowly sometimes.