my grandmother died last week. She was 96. I wasn't close to her, but feel sorry for my dad.  My grandmother's  funeral was last Friday. After much debate, I decided that it would not be a good idea for me to go. Long story short, my brother his wife and his daughter  are extremely toxic. My niece who I've never met, was out for my blood because I told her about my grandma dying via Facebook messenger. she cussed me out and told me to fuck off because I didn't even know her and have never even met her. Which is true. I've been estranged from my brother for a long long time. So I asked for Monday off because we get one day off from work with pay when I grandparent  dies. I may not have gone to the funeral, but it turns out I did have some grieving to do that I did not anticipate. I always thought that it wouldn't affect me when she died, but it did.  So on Tuesday I came back to work. A coworker asked me how things went over the weekend with my grandma's funeral. I told her briefly what had happened. Well it turns out my boss was listening. In front of  my coworkers, she had the nerve to call me out because I didn't attend the funeral. She said "" you only get the day off for the funeral itself not for anything else "". I snapped back at her and said "" while I was in aware that it had to be the day of the funeral. But I guess were all set because I don't have anymore grandmothers to bury now "". It was a crude thing to say,I know.   After I said that I said "" I was going to go to the funeral but there was a lot of family stuff came up and it was a good idea that I didn't go "" not that I should've had to explain it to her. Our handbook does not state that the day you get off has to be the day of a funeral. So today, she wasn't even in the office she was working from home. So I thought oh good I'm safe. She called him on the phone and she was so nasty to me. And she kept calling back over and over to talk about the same thing. And she yells about everything. She doesn't talk to me or anyone else like they're human. She's like a pitbull that won't let go.  After  I hung up with her the last time, I sat at my desk and cried. I just don't know how much more I can take. I don't cry very often, and when I do it's usually because I'm pissed off. I'm looking for another job and right now that's all I can do . But she is really making me crazy. I had a doctors appointment after work and my blood pressure was high because of her. I know I have to try to find a way to block her out until I can find something else. And I know that no place treat people right anymore . But the job I'm at right now pays 925 an hour. If I could at least find a job that paid me enough to live, it might be easier to put up with the bullshit. And because I got a raise up to 925 an hour, I will be losing Medicaid in June.   I have Medicaid secondary to my primary insurance, which picks up whatever the primary insurance does not pay. It has been a godsend for me. So when it ends, I will be paying all my co-pays again for all my meds. I just don't know how I'm going to make it work.  So, between the money worries and the work worries plus grieving a loss that I didn't think I would experience, I just feel like I'm gonna lose it. I was going to take a Valium when I got home.  luckily, a friend of mine called and distracted me. I just don't know what to do. on my birthday. I just feel kind of hopeless right now overwhelmed. I was going to cut, too, but I didn't. I don't even want to go to bed because I know that when I wake up I have to go there again. I have Friday off though because it's my birthday. I took it off on purpose because I don't want to be at that shit storm on my birthday. I just feel kind of hopeless right now overwhelmed.  Don't get me wrong. I am grateful to have a job a car and a roof over my head. But there's only so much abuse a person can take. And it's not just him I have people witnessed it. And it's not just me other people at my job  get the same treatment. It is a toxic, verbally and mentally abusive environment. I'm just praying that I'll have the strength to find another job. Everyone I work with is looking for other work. Thank you for listening.