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Past Trauma and Fears associated with it.....

BipolarPrincess
BipolarPrincess
Have you ever been abused so badly in the winter you wished you never existed? Then 30 years later every winter your body gets scared like it's trying to protect you from something that's about to happen to you?

My friend said the moment she was hit by a truck a year later she woke up in the middle of the night in a hyperventalating sweat.

And that's when her roomie at the time associated present fears with past trauma.

I was abused really bad all my life and molested for 7 years. A lot of the winters were rough for me. A lot of the nights were rough too. I was generally abused at night when my mom was visiting her mom and I didn't want to go. Then when I finally got brave enough to make my mom do something about the abuse she started forcing me to go with her when she visited her mom or made me go to my cousins house to play or told me to go ride my bike around the neighborhood till she got home but she made sure I wasn't anywhere near the abuse. =)

I don't have any explaination for my fears. Just took my night dose so I have to give meds time to adjust. It's wintertime and I don't have a reason why I feal so scared that I need to leave the house and go somewhere safe. I wish my body would stop sending me these distress signals.

Sigh....I just wanted to know if anyone else had the same thing happen to them?
Cammiecat
Cammiecat
Yeah. I get that. Only for me it's April, and early fall. Winters are good because that was when it was ok to be inside and near safety. April is the anniversary of my finding my father after he committed suicide. April scares me to death. And fall is the time when my brothers would do things to me like force feed me sand and tickle me until I peed and having to walk home like that in humiliation. Fall was when they were at their cruelest.
BipolarPrincess
BipolarPrincess
I'm sorry that happened to you. I don't feel so alone. I keep hoping each winter and each night will get better but I seem to be afraid at night a lot and during the winter months a lot too.
deleted_user
deleted_user
sorry to hear everything, but im sure the more you talk about it, the more youll feel safer. time, and hope cure everything. i hope everything goes the way you want it to
deleted_user
deleted_user
Christmas is always been bad since I was a kid, grandmother died when I was 9, then grandfather died when I was 21, father died when I was 23, then grandmother on my father's side died when I was 28, sister was diagnosed with MS. Mother suffered mental break down and tried to kill herself when I was 12. Always around christmas. I fucking hate this holiday to many bad memories. It was hard enough to loose so much of my family on top of being a time of year when your suppose to be joyful. If I follow this pattern I can except to die around this time as well.
deleted_user
deleted_user
almost forgot or am trying to forgat my first wife asked for a divorce around the same time my father was passing away. Just to throw a little more salt in the wound.
deleted_user
deleted_user
{{Hugs}} I know its so hard to get through these months. I was abused emotionally, physically and sexually throughout the entire year when I was a kid. My moods do go down and my anxiety is out of control in the winter and the summer. Novembers are bad for me too because that was when my client committed suicide last year and I feel responsible because I was handling his case.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes I can relate to this, I had problems Christmas eve and didn't know why until the memories of trauma that happened on that night came back. I also didn't want to go out of my house and be in my garden all last year, and didn't know why until I finally realised that I was avoiding hearing or seeing my horrible neighbour who had attacked me several times.

I've had therapy this year for those issues and it really helped a lot. I don't know if you have had therapy for the abuse?

The therapy I did was desensitisation, I had to write a detailed description of the attacks and read them out to my therapist over and over until the horrible feelings went away. It helped heaps. Now when I hear or see my horrible neighbour I feel anger and not fear and I say horrible things to him that he can't hear, like FF off you asshole I hate you.

Sounds like you are stuck in your fear? There is a way out, I am proof of that! Message me if you want to chat more.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes, same thing for me. Like during football season. I mentioned, on another discussion, that the sound of football on TV was so disturbing to me that I couldn't stay within earshot of it. Until I figured out that it was because of some really bad stuff that happened to me during the times when football games were on TV (like Sundays during the winter). Once I let go of the bad memories and emotional stuff, I was able to learn to enjoy football. Go 49ers!
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