Well... This is the weirdest way I can look at it, being a pot smoker myself, but it's kinda like Intervention... Enabling is no beuno.

All I do is speak from experience.
I stayed married to a nice man,didn't smoke,didn't drink never swore..all around nice guy.
The problem was,he never saw me as a real person,never considered what my dreams and goals might be.
I spent 24 years with him because of belief system ...Till Death Us Do Part
I now see those as wasted years (other than learning about myself)
Do not waste your life and time on someone who is not making you happy
IMHO

I don't think you should leave her with nothing. I don't know all the facts though. I think you're a better person than that. True you shouldn't be half in half out but I think it'd be harder on you in the long run if you just leave her high and dry. I'd wait until you can leave her with something . Unless she's abusing you or your son then I'd just get out when you can.

I kindof agree with sirsmiley. I don't know all the details(but other than abuse) maybe the details don't matter. What matters is, you have a concience, you are a loving and caring person, and even though the love is gone, you obviously are bothered by the fact if leaving another person high and dry. So it seems for you to feel good about your actions you may need to give her enough notice, so she can get a plan in place. If she fails to take the initiative once you've CLEARLY and unambiguiosly tell her of your plan to move on, you will know in your heart you dealt with her fairly and compassionatly. The details on whether you need to leave her with a little something or not, is something I think you know, one way or the other.
BUT are you going to muss out on a once in a lifetime offer here at the end of the month!(or beginning-whichever that was). Don't cheat yourself out of a life altering opportunity. But if it's just a matter of an apt coming available, something like that, well I would wait and give her a chance to get on her own feet first.

Tough call.

One of the biggest things that push my buttons is this whole entitlement attitude that many people carry around with them these days - the whole "The world owes me a living" thing.

I know what I would do and I wouldn't feel guilty doing it. As far as the emotional fallout goes - yeah there would be some. Ending a relationship is like losing a loved one. There needs to be a grieving process.

When I divorced my 1st husband, I debated it for a long time before I actually left. But when if was clear to me, it was if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

However, there were still all the details to be ironed out. Luckily we both had good jobs. Even then, things got nasty. So, I believe planning is everything. Also, who will your son live with, how old is he. These are all things you must consider. Does your state allow for alimony? These are some things to consider.

I do agree though, that at 36, one should be able to provide for themselves unless they have a grave disability. And then, w/ SSDI, one is usually able to survive. I am fortunate enough to still be able to work. I don't know what your wifes situation is.

I also agree that it is fair to sit down and have a discussion about what she can and should prepare herself for. That is, if she's reasonable.

It was hard for my then 7yo daughter and while I know I made the right decision, I sometimes grieve for her loss.

I'm sure you will make the right decision.

I think you should do what is needed. If there is no love there and you aren't happy and your son needs you.

I hope you've talked this through with your pdoc is all.

oops, couldn't help myself, gonetroppo - "ending a relationship is like losing a loved one" - Hmmmm. :)

I say do what is right for yourself and the child. Her life is her own responsibility. You havent' said that she has a disability just that she's a pothead, so it's a little hard to have sympathy for her.

I am in the process of trying to end a 17 year marriage. Ending a relationship in itself is hard without adding any circumstances into the mix. I am in your girls position though. I have not worked in over 1 1/2 years due to haveing a nervous breakdown and suicide attempts to havingan autoimmune disease. I physically cannot do much without being in pain. I do not know the circumstances with her if she has a problem or is just lazy. lthoug with me I do own 50% of the business we share so I do believe I am entitled to money even though I don't work. Take into concideration carefeully what reprocussion you may cause to her. Wsh you the best of luck and no matter what you choose live without a guilty consious.

I think that people are going to drugs if they want to do drugs, even if somebody leaves them. Change can only come from themselves when they realize that what they are doing is bad for them, because people are selfish like that--self-interested; if they can benefit from stopping, then they will.

Get her some info for community rehab clinics and other govt. programs that can help her in her inevitable time of crisis. This info is publicly available, and if confused as to where to start looking, go to your state's website, or call a crisis hot line and say you want to know some resources that are available for drug intervention and crisis counseling.

In the mean-time, you do not need to feel obliged to let her drag you down any further into her black hole if you are ready to get out.