Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Going through some things last night...I found a lot of writings from my preteens through my teens which were a very volatile time for me. Being first diagnosed with depression at 15 then BP at 17...going back reading my writings I could see where I started spiraling out of control. Things that effected me the most were war, harm against animals, greed and cruelty of people in the world...at age 12 I was writing about these things...do 12 year holds really think about such things so deeply? Then in my teen years loss of friendships and "love" relationships seem to trigger depression and it was just downhill from there.
I did find a yearbook where a good friend had written a sweet letter to me telling me that she was able to do a lot of new exciting things because of me and I helped her stand up for herself. She said she wanted me to know she would always be there for me no matter what. We grew apart in my late twenties but we reconnected for a bit. I kept her at a distance though and a few years ago her soon to be ex husband and her mother in law shot her to death. I read that and felt so guilty for not being there for her when she needed me...but what can you do. Sometimes its good to remember things and look back and sometimes I wish I hadn't seen all of that.
I did find a yearbook where a good friend had written a sweet letter to me telling me that she was able to do a lot of new exciting things because of me and I helped her stand up for herself. She said she wanted me to know she would always be there for me no matter what. We grew apart in my late twenties but we reconnected for a bit. I kept her at a distance though and a few years ago her soon to be ex husband and her mother in law shot her to death. I read that and felt so guilty for not being there for her when she needed me...but what can you do. Sometimes its good to remember things and look back and sometimes I wish I hadn't seen all of that.
-
When i was in the ER February 16th 2025, i was being admitted to ICU where i was for 3 weeks, then had to relearn to walk for 3 weeks in another hospital rehab floor, the nurse told me something that made me feel for over 18 months now that i was finally *safe*. She told me that the guy who raped and beat me 21 years ago now almost 20 years at that time, was in prison as of a month before that...
-
Sometimes, I think I have ODD. I can be oppositional. It seems that the only times that I feel like cleaning are when I should be doing something else or I have to go somewhere. Well, not everytime but most of the time. Yesterday, I was supposed to be doing online training for work but instead, I decided to work on my kitchen table. Most of the time, I don't know where to start and give...
I've lived with severe CPTSD all my life and experienced full amnesia with it. Both good and bad, memory is a precious part of the human experience. Yes, we need to take the time to keep our memory in shape.
Then they told us about the possibility of intelligent Life elsewhere in The Universe.
As if there was ' intelligence' here on Earth.
She ' unveiled' a large cross-sectional diagram on the projector.
It was of a fully erect penis totally inside the vagina.Hilt.
Cross-sectioned so it looked kind of brutally cold and devoid of any human character.
I was one of only 6 boys in a class of 20. And we gulped but the girls gasped.Then laughed at the boys.Embarrassment and fear.
The teacher asked if there were any questions.
There was silence.
Then she just tutted and exhaled sharply...then tersely said " Aren't you gonna ask how the bloody thing gets in there ? "
More gasps and gulps.
haha
I remember walking to school wondering why the Hell they were making me go when a bomb was going to blow us all to kingdom come at any minute!!!! (Bay of Pigs.)
Surely a child's place was at home with the family under such circumstances!!!
I found a bunch of things I wrote as a child and I was amazed that I had as much a grasp as I did on all the deeper life issues!!
I had a great understanding of things I had no personal experience of -- yet.
Kids pretty much engage in black and white thinking until they get into their teen years. They're very clear on whether things are right or wrong. And often feel strongly about both things.
Then they progress into being able to see the gray areas. Many situations are no longer viewed as being so 'cut and dried'.
It's fun and very interesting to look back and see how differently you viewed the world at an earlier stage of development!!!
Or to see that you're still pretty much the same person now as you were way back when!!!!
When I was in school, they had these awful Civil Defense films that had this awful synthesized music. I would watch the films and get a sickening feeling in my stomach. I cannot remember my entire childhood because it was so thick with trauma but I can remember sitting on that grainy school carpet on the pod floor and it being dark and seeing the mushroom cloud and always being afraid.
Three years ago, I got into conspiracy theory and began again to feel that same sense of fear.