last night I had an altercation with my father. He got in my face and was jabbing his finger at me and was yelling so loud that he was spitting on me. All because he wanted to shut every window and every door in the house. It was a beautiful night, like 73. I asked him if we could leave at least a window open because it was was going to be stuffy in there. Plus he knows that I have medical conditions that cause me to be too warm. Plus I reminded him that when he is at my place, I make sure he isn't uncomfortable. Well first I need to backtrack. The night before last, he was being a total dick to my stepmother. I probably shouldn't of said anything. I asked him why he was being so mean to her over the oven not working. He went ballistic and said my problem is YOU (meaning ME). He was throwing himself around and acting evil that night. So last night, I went over to his house, and my stepmom was not there at the time. I tried to make conversation with him, but he seemed very pissed off. I asked him to please leave A window open for ventilation. That is when he went totally off-the-wall. He started screaming at me about the fact that losing my job was probably my own fault. And then he told me to mind my own effing business when it came to him and his wife and his house. He ended up getting in my face and I could tell that he wanted to hit me. I told him go ahead try it. I yelled at him and that he may have been able to abuse me as a child, but I'd like to see him try it now. He is an evil horrible man. For him to say that I was the cause of my lay off when he knows how upset I already am about losing my job, that is pretty low. Low blow. So now, my sister is up visiting and they are going on a tubing trip and I'm not going because I don't want to be anywhere near my father. Last night, on my way home, I was so upset that I came close to crashing my car into a tree. Instead I punched myself on my thighs so hard that I have bruises all over my leg. I also cut myself when I got home. I am in a really bad state of mind right now. I just wish that God would take me so I could be out of this mess. I feel like I have nobody and nothing. I don't know why I keep putting myself in these situations. I know that nothing good ever comes out of it. Last night I saw A demon in my fathers eyes. It was pretty terrifying. It is what I had to deal with as a child. That look just is so so awful. And I know that this is going to sound horrible, but I hate him I know he's my father. But I can't keep letting him do this to me.he came so close to hitting me. I almost wish he had him so I can put him in jail. He thinks he's all high and mighty because he goes to church four times a week he is. He's the biggest hypocrite I've ever met. So needless to say, I am in a very very bad state of mind today. I feel so lonely. I just wish I could lay down and go to sleep and not wake back up. I honestly feel like taking everything I have I own,putting it on the curb with a free sale sign on everything and just taking my clothes and leaving, and not telling anybody where I'm at. I am fed up with my family, I am fed up with my life, I just wish I was dead. Plain and simple. I am really hurting inside right now. I just don't know what to do. Thank you for listening I appreciate it very very much