Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
On Thanksgiving I decided to go and spend the day with my mom. The cycle never changes for my mom, why do I expect something different? We never lose hope that our loved ones will change, but are we expecting too much? And if we are waiting for them to seek treatment, are we wasting away our lives in the process? Are we forgetting who we are, what our purpose in this world is, and not living our lives to the fullest.
I understand more now, that it is not my mom's fault that she has Bipolar Disorder. However, there are consequences to not voluntarily seeking treatment, such loss of family.
What I struggle with the most is the lack of support system Caregivers of Bipolar parents have. We are forced to try to understand this illness that rob's our parents of a normal, content life? We have to come to terms with not being able to change our loved ones condition. And merely be there for them and let faith be both their and our guide too.
In all honesty, this could be a very difficult thing to do alone. I am a single mom, and I need to think where my priorities should be? Taking care of mom, who is for the most part explosive and volatile in behavior and actions. Or taking care of the child I have, as my young one should not be exposed to a grandmother who is speaking ill of her mother, and who has tendencies to want to yell in front of my daughter and my 10 year old niece. Take for example, one day my mom told my niece that i am with gangs a bad group of people and am doing bad things. How am I able to keep my relationship with my mom, without compromising my relationship with my child and niece. How can I accept that it is okay for my mom to speak and act in this way. My mom has called me many vulgar words, and she has not been able to know the repercussions for her actions. Everything in her eyes, is acceptable no matter what. She can express her negative feelings to me. My child will not experience this, as it will impair her growth and develpoment, making her more prone to future behavioral problems.
What are my options, which must I sacrifice to allow my child to live a normal, healthy and happy life. Doesn't my child deserve that for the least? Can we find somekind of balance in between to be caregivers to our families and be able to live again ?
To seek or not seek treatment for Bipolar illness is the underlying question?
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Which explains the mysterious fevers and my extra fatigue. I'm so glad I pushed for answers.
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Due to my increased paranoia, anxiety, and a panic attack over the weekend, my psychiatrist has put me back in a full dose of Zyprexa until further notice. Every time I think I'm getting ahead something happens and it's back to square one. I knew he was gonna do this but I can't help feeling disappointed. It is what it is.
Please remember that everyone on this board has bipolar disorder.
Most of us already feel guilty about what we have done in the past and it's difficult to be reminded about something we cannot change. Many of us have lost or damaged relationships that we now cannot fix.
Perhaps it would be better for you to post on Friends & Families of Bipolar?
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/family-friends-of-bipolar
Treatment is not a panacea. Objective counsel, et al, can make it easier, but only easier. I have yet to see ^it^ achieve the big *Easy.* Even the choice of family estrangement I made 40 odd years ago continues to impact my life today in more ways than my arthritic fingers care to type. Whether I am looking inward at myself or outward at my loved ones, "Less Hard" is my hope these days. Just hoping. Forming realistic expectations was/is a huge part of my strictly personal therapy.
The questions you are asking are important and valid. The main diff between how I answered those questions in August, 1977 when I held a "Therapy Funeral" for my birth family and how I answer them now while my middle-aged sons are draining me to the geriatric nub is coverage. I buried my birth family, once and for all. I still mean it 40 odd years later. With my sons and their families, I take it a day at a time.
As for the okayness of your posting here, this beeper is encouraging you to keep posting here, if I am allowed a vote. I have a deep, strictly personal need to work through all facets of the issue, including (especially?) that guilt, et al, over damage my own illness has caused in the lives which touch mine. Just a strictly personal vote. Group consensus rules.
Thank you for sharing a your life experiences with me. This information you have said here, has encouraged me to want to have more compassion for my mother. I love her, and am still her caregiver, but unfortunately I feel as though i am that and not her daughter. She has recently said that if you were not my caregiver, i probably wouldn't see you at all. And, you know what Alfie, she is spot on there. She would like me to live with her, but I refuse to in the best interest of myself and my child.
I feel like I am losing my mom without a care in the world. I want to have my mom back, but not feel endangered by her actions. She tries to control every aspect of my life. For example I decided to volunteer for an organization and she took all products I needed to get it started and returned it to the warehouse. I don't know what to do. After i help her, i go home and she calls me 20 times a day. Half the time i don'the feel like answering, because she only criticizes and speak ill about me. Life has it struggles, and i dont need the negative energy from her to top it off. I sometimes feel it is time to cut the chord on her and never speak or see her again, but my conscious says I shouldn't. I am caught between a rock and a hard place. Alfie, I am in this dilemma alone, and I don't know what to do.
I think that your primary responsibilities are to your child and yourself. If you don't take care of yourself, your child will suffer. After you have taken care of yourself and your child, do what you can for your mom.
Curious Fish is right. Check out the support group for families and friends of bipolar.
Good luck!
These days I am seeing it as an on-going dance and mostly protecting my own toes while I attempt to learn new steps to the dance. I work to hold the love sacred, especially when I feel like I can't take any more. Small steps, big faith and lots of prayer.
Where are all the Perfect People for me to love? All too often, hubby's perfection feels too thorny to qualify.
If you are in the US there are Meet ups for just about everything so I imagine caregiving would be included...xo
If the relationships you have in your life begin to become toxic for whatever reason even if illness is the cause for your own sanity and happiness I believe in taking a step back from the one who is hurting you. That does not mean you love them any less nor that the space you are taking will last forever but there has to be some fairness in relationships and as hard as mental illnesses are waving that as the flag that somehow allows us to say or behave without due care is wrong. No one can or should shoulder the hurt you are forever and I hope you are not offended by what I say but just because they are close to us partner or parent does not give them the right to constanly cross emotional lines and say but I am unwell so you should cope.
You sound as though you need some you time spent with your children, you can't force your mother onto meds neither can you make her see the harm she is causing her family with the love you have for her so perhaps it is time to re-think how and when you interact with her and put your own time limit on visits so you can cope.
Thank you for emotionally supporting me through this tumultuous time in my life. I have felt alone for so many years. As I keep my distance from my mother, she claims I have abandoned her, and how could I let her sleep at her house alone. I get the guilt trip that she raised and sacrificed for me and now I left her side. And yesterday, I spent time with her and she tells my child, how do you feel seeing me your grandmother sleep alone do you feel good about that? I explained to my her these are adult conversations it has nothing to do with my kid, and i asked that she not put her in the middle of this all.
I agree, if my refuses to acknowledge she has a problem and that she needs treatment then she can. I can also refuse to be in an unhealthy and toxic relationship both for me and my child.
Summer Breeze,
I have a relative of mine that suggested me to stay living with my mother and not talk to her. How can I do that when I feel on egg shells around her, and she is chasing me to and from the room and when. I leave the bathroom? I really understand that my mom is being controlled by this illness and that she is a wonderful person. I have spent years trying to keep her in a postive mood, not giving up on life, but I found it to be quite draining and nothing I say is heard. I wouls much rather take care of myself and my child and then be able to be more independent. And when that is accomplished I will be on a better place to help my mom.
BLESS YOU
SUMMER BREEZE