Hello!

I was recently diagnosed and have been struggling with the fallout from my last episode. I was diagnosed four years ago with PTSD, major depression, and anxiety. I have tried every medication under the sun for those three things and looking back at the last four years it is pretty obvious that a lot of my episodes were due to taking them. I have been on and off again with my girlfriend, my ex because of my last episode, the past four years. We have been through a lot and I was diagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar 1 after this last episode. I reached out to inform her of the diagnosis to try to help explain why I would behave in certain ways. I do take full responsibility for my actions because I am not truly sure which ones were me and which ones were the mental illness. She is very unsure about working on things and I just wanted to see if anyone had any experience with this and advice on what steps to take. I have been working with a psychiatrist, psychologist, and mindfulness on my own. When I am my true self, I do feel I am the person we both need me to be, but I am afraid to be happy because there has always seemed to be a crash. I am just truly struggling to find out about being bipolar and connecting the dots of my past behavior to it along with all the damage I have done to others.