Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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Ladyiris26
Ladyiris26

Hi, I'm Steph. I started with this board close to 10 years ago. I have tip toed in and out and I left for a very long time. I was TwoSides if anyone remembers. I have been going through a lot as of lately and felt I really needed the support. So to those of you that I have never had the pleasure of meeting, nice to meet you. And to those that remember me thanks for having me back. I have a poem to share with you in order to define the way I have been feeling. It's been very hopeless and I have developed a new driving phobia after 22 years of driving just fine. It's draining and it's been really intefering with my life. My anxiety is through the roof and yes I am on meds. My moods have been up and down and I'm going back to the pdoc in a couple of days. Hope you guys can relate to the poem. Any thoughts would be great ;)



I live inside a box


With rocks and gravel on top


Like a captured goldilocks


Shadows cast across the floor


No windows, no doors


Just me and myself


No way in, no way out


Wondering, pondering about


Trying to find an escape


Release is what I anticipate


So I continue to wait


For a knight that won't come


Happy endings are just a lie


As I sit here all I do is cry


I will always be along


Insanity has claimed me as it's own


I don't belong


This world is too much


I feel like I'm been sucker punched


Living inside this box


With rocks and gravel on top

tommymott
tommymott
Welcome back! That's a very descriptive poem. We never stop fighting the thoughts and feelings, do we? I know in my case a lot of it is just getting older and dealing with everything that comes with that. We should always resist the natural urge to isolate and as a result put off seeking help. So it's good to know you're seeing your pdoc. You aren't alone in this, there are many who are going through or have gone through similar things. We can survive.
Ladyiris26
Ladyiris26
Thanks tommymott. I have the urge to isolate which is what I have been doing. I really think it's the reason for my developing my driving phobia. I realize I need to keep getting help I just have no clue as to how much longer I can fight this. This time it's tougher than it's ever been. I appreciate the response and the support. I am in fact surprised to see you are still on the board.
MoobbusT
MoobbusT
Hi there. I'm very sorry you feel alone and isolated in this way at the moment and think you are wise to be asking for help if anxiety and fear are beginning to interfere with day to day life. I think so many past and present members can and do relate to those two particular maladies. Have courage and be strong... if not let us know and we can offer some encouragement and support at least in terms of well wishes. All the very best.
tommymott
tommymott
I find there's a lot of support here and that's what I need!
arfie
arfie
I don't remember you, but welcome back.

Those backslides are the very reason I take my daily maintenance so seriously. It seemed to me that every backslide was worse than the last. Wounded pride is my personal favorite theory why the backslides got more stubborn with experience, but whatever the reason, these days I figure that keeping up with my therapy maintenance is easier than catching up. Maintenance doesn't take much out of my average day while those backslides are life-eaters.

Gentle support while you figure out your own, Lady. Welcome back.
DoorMAwss
DoorMAwss
Hello, TwoSides - I remember you :). I was tombelinanne and then goingthruthemotions.

That's a beautiful, beautiful poem. It's nice to see you again - daily strength is an ongoing support system and I'm sure it can be comforting and helpful to you.
beckyp
beckyp
Welcome back to the group.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
I'm so sorry that you're struggling sweetie but it's GREAT to see ya back...... Big hug.....xo
mistibouragibou
mistibouragibou
I have used this site for keeping a journal off and on for many years but never really been active in the posts I don't think. Your beautiful poem describes just how I feel when I'm in a depression. Your use of goldilocks makes me feel the manic side and adds an interesting complexity to the situation (lack of intention, innocence, exploration, not being aware of trying to meet your immediate needs in a risky way.) I came out of a week long mania a few months ago and have been slowly picking up the pieces. The part about not belonging makes me think of how I feel like this illness has made it so difficult to function the way we are supposed to in this world. Thank you so much for sharing the poem. I hope something will change (mind/ medicines/ situation) to make you feel better.
SensitiveHoboLady
SensitiveHoboLady
Welcome back! Writing is a good way to express complex things, isn't it? Great poem. I hope you'll find good support again here like I have. Best wishes.
ritkat
ritkat
HI. I think I remember you. I left for a long time. I think the poem is a beautiful expressive format and I hope you find support here again. I have!
Ladyiris26
Ladyiris26
Thank you all for your loving support. I'm sure it will help out a great deal. It's always nice to know someone cares. I have an appointment with my pdoc tomorrow and I am going to ask about lutuda. I just found out it is covered under my insurance and I heard it is a miracle drug. My pdoc put me on Abilify and my anxiety and paranoia got much worse, It was a complete and total nightmare for me. So I hope she tries me on something else and it acutally works. Please keep your fingers crossed for me.
huangreatdog
huangreatdog
Hi Ladyiris, welcome back. I've been on DS for almost 10 years, but I tend to journal more than write on the boards. It's safer -- how's that for isolating? :-) Your poem decribes well the feelings of desperation and loneliness that often come with bipolar, and the fairytale imagery brings to mind the sense of being an important, if tragic or misguided, character in a story that others use as a cautionary tale but with a little bit of envy of the character's adventure. Keep us posted (pun intended) with how you're doing. Good luck at the pdoc!
huangreatdog
huangreatdog
Hi Ladyiris, welcome back. I've been on DS for almost 10 years, but I tend to journal more than write on the boards. It's safer -- how's that for isolating? :-) Your poem decribes well the feelings of desperation and loneliness that often come with bipolar, and the fairytale imagery brings to mind the sense of being an important, if tragic or misguided, character in a story that others use as a cautionary tale but with a little bit of envy of the character's adventure. Keep us posted (pun intended) with how you're doing. Good luck at the pdoc!
irishwriter
irishwriter
hi good to see you again. thank you for sharing your wonderful poem with such insight to our struggles. how did you get on with your pdoc visit? I hope you find a med combo that works for you.
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