First, I'm so sorry for your loss and the confusion you now find in your life. Your boyfriend, like many, didn't disclose his illness. I would suggest you read about BP, and don't take personal responsibility for His Behavior. I would suspect he feared loosing you due to his illness and was either fearful or ashamed to tell you. I also suspect his illness had a large part in the Way he left, and that his ex-girlfriend Knows and can understand his illness...Note the Ex. It is hard enough to have a typical relationship, one with bp undisclosed is not healthy. I hope this answers and gives you some comfort. Take care, ML

Sorry to hear that!
Hope all the broken pieces come together for you

I'm sorry you had to experience this. It's unfortunate. Please don't let it color your opinions of those with mental differences. Most bipolar people are loyal, just as with non-bipolar people. Huge hugs to you as you try to recover from this strangeness. It sounds as he's either off his meds or unmedicated entirely. I hope he finds what works for him as well.
Again, big hugs

Everyone with bipolar is different so we don't know why he did this or even if it was to do with bipolar.

As I've seen on other forums lots of ex's believe/say their partners are bipolar, asperger's, sociopaths etc - but that's just their attempt at explaining why the relationship broke down. So when his ex told you he was bipolar then unless he was diagnosed and actually told you I'd take it with a pinch of salt. Especially as it seems from what you said she is the one he's gone back to.

If he's gone he's gone and I suggest you don't try and attempt to analyse but move on.

Probably the divorce and breakup board would be more appropriate
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/breakups-divorce

If you really are set on understanding more about bipolar there is a long thread on bipolar for partners etc on the families & friends of bipolar board

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/family-friends-of-bipolar

Lots of sympathy for you. Take care.

Thank you all for the kind words and input. From everything he's told me and she's told me he knows he is bipolar just didn't want to tell me. He was taking some anti depressant called Effexor or something close to that and claims that's what made his mind go crazy and when we started our relationship. He moved in with me after 7 mothns from his home town and everything was good until he ran out of that medication and said he didn't want to be back on anti depressants because he didn't feel a need for it anymore. The withdrawal symptoms are what he claims made him realize he made a big mistake and shouldn't have ever came to live with me and needed to go back to her and her kids. I didn't know he lived with them and had no way of knowing that. I just can't understand how he can tell me he loved me everyday and we were going to get married and then just poof it's all gone and meant nothing.

Bipolar people don't usually take effexor - not unless they are taking some other major medication.

Whatever, he started a relationship and now it's ended - unfortunately you don't have to be bipolar to be deceitful, unfaithful or lead people up the garden path.

I really don't think there is much we can offer to you, some bipolar people act like this, others don't, some people without bipolar do this and again some don't. To be honest, it's less of a bipolar thing, more of a guy thing.

You aren't really going to be able to resolve this, people have their many and various reasons for going and they, and others around them generally tend to be less than honest when it comes to reasons. I've been on the receiving end of break up after 9 years (no they weren't bipolar),

Get some support for your own personal issue - the pain of break up - the link I gave for the breakup and divorce board is best.

I am not concerned with going through a breakup, I've been through them before but not like this. I never meant to come off as rude or selfish or comparing my situation with anything anyone goes through on a day to day basis. I just wanted to seek out help and understand, not be insulted or felt as I'm stupid. it wasn't just "a guy thing" and I know the difference of being used to being confused.

And he was on Effexor and buspirone. I get that medication has worse effects when given to someone who's bipolar but it happened. I just don't understand the side effects it causes and wanted help to know what was real and what wasn't or if I just meant nothing the whole time because he didn't know what he was doing.

Buspiridone is an anti- anxiety med. Neither that of effexor are bipolar meds. So that would suggest he's not being treated for bipolar.

Ok, but what do you expect to get out of this? What is the knowledge/ understanding you are looking for?

You said you aren't particularly bothered about the breakup - so maybe just let it go?

From what you have said it sounds like he left a girlfriend and children to be with you - and has now changed his mind and gone back to them. Sometimes guys do this and sometimes people in the middle of a bipolar episode go off - and then when their episode wears off they return to their previous partners. That while in an episode they do things they usually don't. So in a sense the reason why he's gone is because he's come back to reality.

That seems to be a very unpalatable possibility for you which is one reason why I've tried to steer you away from that.

Having said that, if you are getting information about him from the woman who from her perspective he cheated on with you - maybe she's just saying he's bipolar so you will let it go? So you won't attempt to get him back?

Bottom line, he deserted a girlfriend and children to be with you and then deserted you to go back to them. Do you feel you need to understand that further - something is clearly up with him and it looks as if you got a lucky escape

This board is for people with everyday challenges of being bipolar and I can't figure out what you are looking for from us? All I've given is just conjecture - we don't know him, we don't all do the same thing and the person who has told you he is bipolar has some possible motives for not being truthful.

I understand where you're coming from and I am so sorry for even asking in this group, I was told to join here through a help line from my therapist so obviously I made a mistake. I know everyone isn't the same and all are affected differently. I didn't ask this to pose any judgement or compare anyone to him I just never met anyone who is bipolar and was hoping to understand more of it better to stop hurting or find out if I can help him or he needs my help or if simply I was as you said it he was going through a bipolar episode and I just was the outcome before he came back to reality.

I know it sounds stupid to trust his ex now current girlfriend but she isn't saying it out of jealousy or to keep me away from him and she's helped me understand more than I would have if she didn't tell me what happened because he just blocked me.

I get it's easy to tell someone to let it go and get over it and I did care about him more than I can explain and I still do. I don't need advice to cope with a breakup I just was looking for help from anyone. Never meant to come off as offensive or offend anyone and I'm sorry I asked for help in the wrong place.

I also know what his medication was for and know it didn't help him. I don't think the doctor he went to knew he was bipolar and just went with depression and gave it to him. He claims the medication made him act out and that's when we met and when he stopped taking it is when he left. I'm sorry again for even being here and I didn't mean to intrude with my stupidness

Only he knows what role this illness played in his decision to leave. And maybe he even doesn't understand. It's not fair to make predictions or to blame this illness for him leaving

I didn't blame anything I am just trying to understand. Obviously I'm in the wrong place and just making everyone hate me

No one hates you Seeking..... It's just that this particular board is a place for people to come to just be yourself when you have the disorder

DS is a really good site and the Breakups board or Healthy Relationships board here are really good

I'm really sorry that you've been hurt.... Big hug.....xo