Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I feel so overwhelmed this morning. My grandmother passed away a week ago. And my disability and mood issues are rearing their ugly heads with a vengeance. My boyfriend who won't admit he's also BP (and isn't medicated) has hit a manic episode which has been very hard for me to deal with.
My grandmother and I were very close and it's been a very difficult and stressful time for me. I've been depressed, which my boyfriend can't stand when he's manic. A few days after she passed away my boyfriend yelled at me and asked how long he was going to have to deal with the excuse that my grandmother just died. It was one of the most horrible, disrespectful things anyone has ever said to me. I can't seem to let it go.
I have "possible MS" and the stress is causing my symptoms to get worse. At the same time I'm also being slammed with full-blown BP depression and anxiety attacks right now. My boyfriend doesn't have any patience for issues he can't see, they aren't real to him. We got into a major argument last night.
Here's how the argument went. He told me I'm lazy and that I just want to sit back on my a** and collect a welfare check. He said that I just want a free ride through life without having to work for it. He said that it isn't fair that he has to work and do other stuff to help out. I asked him what else he has to do that he resents so much. He said that he has to go to the pharmacy, drive me to go get groceries, and he helps cook breakfast on the weekends. The reason he has to do the driving is because of my disability (it effects my right leg and I use crutches to walk now). And he only cooks on the weekends that his own kids are here for visitation. He said a whole bunch of other nasty mean things. I told him that he acts like all he should have to do is work and just because I can't work he seems to think I should be his slave, there at his every whim to do whatever he wants. I told him that I do what I can and I'm sorry if that isn't much right now but I'm trying. I also said that if he can't deal with being with someone that has my issues he should just leave now. We haven't spoken since last night.
I slammed into rock bottom last night and I'm not feeling any better this morning. I'm angry. I already beat myself up for having the issues that I have and not being able to do more, I don't need my "support" to beat me up about it too. I'm still grieving about my grandmother's recent passing. And I'm mostly depressed. Nothing I do is ever good enough for anyone and it never has been. I don't do anything that makes the world a better place. I can't even say I contribute a paycheck to my family. I can't even work up the energy to get my house clean. What good do I do anyone? I feel like nothing but a burden. I'm nothing but a responsibility that gets passed back and forth between people. I feel like nothing today. I have that nasty empty feeling in my stomach today. I wish I could just die without totally screwing up my kids. Once they are 18 I don't know what will keep me from suicide anymore. I wish I didn't exist.
Sorry this is so long but I just needed to get it all out this morning, I'm hoping maybe it will help to talk about it. You guys are the only support I have right now.
Love you all, Crystal
My grandmother and I were very close and it's been a very difficult and stressful time for me. I've been depressed, which my boyfriend can't stand when he's manic. A few days after she passed away my boyfriend yelled at me and asked how long he was going to have to deal with the excuse that my grandmother just died. It was one of the most horrible, disrespectful things anyone has ever said to me. I can't seem to let it go.
I have "possible MS" and the stress is causing my symptoms to get worse. At the same time I'm also being slammed with full-blown BP depression and anxiety attacks right now. My boyfriend doesn't have any patience for issues he can't see, they aren't real to him. We got into a major argument last night.
Here's how the argument went. He told me I'm lazy and that I just want to sit back on my a** and collect a welfare check. He said that I just want a free ride through life without having to work for it. He said that it isn't fair that he has to work and do other stuff to help out. I asked him what else he has to do that he resents so much. He said that he has to go to the pharmacy, drive me to go get groceries, and he helps cook breakfast on the weekends. The reason he has to do the driving is because of my disability (it effects my right leg and I use crutches to walk now). And he only cooks on the weekends that his own kids are here for visitation. He said a whole bunch of other nasty mean things. I told him that he acts like all he should have to do is work and just because I can't work he seems to think I should be his slave, there at his every whim to do whatever he wants. I told him that I do what I can and I'm sorry if that isn't much right now but I'm trying. I also said that if he can't deal with being with someone that has my issues he should just leave now. We haven't spoken since last night.
I slammed into rock bottom last night and I'm not feeling any better this morning. I'm angry. I already beat myself up for having the issues that I have and not being able to do more, I don't need my "support" to beat me up about it too. I'm still grieving about my grandmother's recent passing. And I'm mostly depressed. Nothing I do is ever good enough for anyone and it never has been. I don't do anything that makes the world a better place. I can't even say I contribute a paycheck to my family. I can't even work up the energy to get my house clean. What good do I do anyone? I feel like nothing but a burden. I'm nothing but a responsibility that gets passed back and forth between people. I feel like nothing today. I have that nasty empty feeling in my stomach today. I wish I could just die without totally screwing up my kids. Once they are 18 I don't know what will keep me from suicide anymore. I wish I didn't exist.
Sorry this is so long but I just needed to get it all out this morning, I'm hoping maybe it will help to talk about it. You guys are the only support I have right now.
Love you all, Crystal
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
You have to decide to take care of you the best you can. I always found that when I thought it was my best I could always take another step forward. I would not give up. Once I learned that, I never went back to that horrid place in my teens.
Imagine that your bf is struggling too. If he is BP and taking care of you, he is over the edge stressed. We all say things we dont mean when we are there. Try to be patient with him too.
First and formost is taking care of you by being in top health. Eating healthy, exercise, meditation, and accomplishing something every day. When you get this low, your first priority is to call your pdoc as maybe you will need a med adjustment.
Hang in there......it always passes but we have to be proactive......xo
It sounds like your boyfriend is having trouble coping with the pressure put on him. Maybe he just blew up? Can you calmly talk about the argument now that the smoke has cleared? I know that if he's bp and he's manic, it may not be possible.
As Shelly said, this is the time for you to take care of yourself the best that you can. The one thing she left out that I was told to do in CBT is to do one activity that when you are healthy you find pleasurable. It can be reading or whatever you enjoy.
Do you have a tdoc? Perhaps this is something to talk to your tdoc about. Your pdoc can help adjust your meds, but sometimes the tdoc can help us find tools to help while those work.
I too am sorry for your loss. It's never easy, but I think it's even harder on those of us with BP or other mental health issues.
I think talking with your boyfriend once he's calmed down would be a good thing to do.
The things he said to you are not ok and needs to be addressed, but at the same time you have to remember that it's probably not easy dealing with everything right now, especially if he's manic.
That doesn't give him the right to verbally attack you though, and he needs to understand that words hurt and if he's feeling pressured or stressed out, he needs to take a deep breath and talk about his feelings.
I know...easier said than done....but maybe in a calm moment you'll be able to get through to him.
I hope things get better soon.....
(((hugs)))
your kids will always be your kids no matter how old they are you can never give up what state would you leave them in?
i hope you can talk calmly with your friend and explain that you need a bit of help now at this moment and don't need an ear bashing it is just making things worse
i hope you feel a bit better soon
You have to stop beating yourself up for being ill.. it is NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!... we deal with things the best we can with what we've got..things can be very difficult for sure when there are 2 people with a mental illness.. words can wound.. they are powerful....hopefully as all have said once the air clears and things have calmed down you can have a reasonable discussion.. perhaps you can get some rules in place that will help you both for the future re attacking one another.. it sounds like a lot of frustration coming out in unhealthy ways.. great big hug of comfort for you..Jan..x