Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I am depressed. I have no motivation or will to live besides the thought of not being around anymore to care for my 7 year old daughter who's at my friends house....I am just feeling worthless.....no motivation to clean the house.....I am not so horrible as of yet though.....I been trying to beat back these feelings with an optimistic stick but it's hard. I have had two interviews this past month but not one person has hired me. One interview was for a mini mart....Crosby mart's actually. And, I had to take this interview test at the end, and the only reason why I didn't get hired was because I failed the math test. If I wouldn't have failed they would have hired me on the spot. I just lack the motivation to keep going and instead of making me feel better all my husband knows how to do is rag on me about the house being a fith heap and not having the motivation to want to move. He sounded just like my last therapist that I dumped for a new one because all she had to say was I needed to get over myself.....well I heard my husband tell me that last week.....my own husband....the guy who's supposed to care told me I needed to get over myself. HE doesn't live with manic depression. He doesn't know how hard it is for me knowing that I will probably never be able to work (as in no one's hired me) I am scared to death to learn to drive and I am so old now even if I did try to take the test I'd probably fail.....I have been improving slowly inch by inch medicine wise....at least my paranoia's gone....but my pdoc got me on nothing to help my depression. I take 160 mg of Geodon every day. My pdoc said Geodon was recently approved as a mood stabilizer. I am beginning to wonder if my pdoc should be practicing when all she has me on is geodon. I am bipolar and schizophrenic.....I have people in my family who are bipolar and people who are schizophrenic too.....when I was 18....I had no one....I tried jumping out in front of a semi truck when I was out walking with my cousin. She pulled me out....now I have a 7 year old to take care of and my manic depression just keeps on trying to close in on me.....I am afraid that if I go into the unit, that my daughter will get taken away from me, if she won't then I'd be all for the hospital straightening my meds out....it would also cost an arm and a leg and my husband has a good job, but he has all these bills to pay.....I am afraid to burden him with any of my ailments.....I just keep grasping and all I end up grasping at is lonliness (even though I am married) and dispair.
deleted_user
I know EXACTLY how you feel. BUT try this one on for size... how about... going back to college, spending oh..around 20,000 in student loans...getting a job at a GREAT national magazine...as ART DIRECTOR..more money than ive ever made... and my bp2 has made me miss more days than i have for personal and sick time... we have under 50 employees so FMLA does not cover us... and i got a warning last month that if i dont "snap out of it" i will go to part time and they will hire another art director or i will be fired. The purpose of letting you know that is that I know exactly how you feel...my husband has been totally non supportive of me thru this also, so i also understand that. NOW the driving thing (wagging my finger at you) i KNOW you can do because I know a 70 yr old woman who got her license after her husband passed away and she'd never drove before! I know it's hard...but like you said "things are improving slowly inch by inch" and that's all we can expect. It didn't happen overnight and It wont be healed overnight either. One day, one minute, one second at a time. That's what i keep telling myself anyways. My husband actually told me he loved me last night (for the first time in months) and i ruined it with a manic reaction that he didn't say it in the "right tone". Today, right now... i can see that I was being rediculous..but at the time... nope.. it was all him. I know enough about the Child Services Departments rules to know that you wont get your child taken away. Reunitement is the goal. Making you better is the goal. Is it healthy and safe for her to be with you the way you are NOW? As you are doing with your thought of staying around (not committing suicide) because of her... also... think of your treatment that you need in order to be what she needs in a mother. If you can't do it for yourself... do it for her. My husband just in the last few days started to "get" it. I brought home brochures that showed all the things i've done over the years that he thought ment i was a psycho bitch, were really symptoms of an actual mental disorder. I've been low enough to write suicide letters of goodbye to my whole family... i know how it is to be low. Just have faith that God will pull you thru and carry you until the meds start to take effect. Then a therapist is another thing you need to consider. A pill wont cure years of having this disorder. I know it wont for me. I have hurt and scared and disappointed and aggrivated all the people in my life that I love. And I have to learn to let that go and go on with my life. I haven't let go of it yet... but i have hope that I will be able to. And that they will be able to forgive me. That is my biggest fear...of not being forgiven. So i remind myself that God forgives everything and he is here with me to carry me when i feel like i can walk no further. God Bless You sweetheart... there are people here who are experiencing the same thing you are and you ARE NOT ALONE!!!
BipolarPrincess
Thanks for letting me know that I am not alone. That does help somewhat. My husband is going to start teaching me what each of the parts do on the van in the spring again. He tried once before But I totally freaked out on him and told him that he was teaching me all the parts too fast to learn them slowly, but he said he was trying to teach me slowly. He told me that I needed to know how everything worked before I can even begin to thinking about getting behind a wheel of a car/vehicle.
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