Hi I understand. I don't know how one does it. I have a family that hurts me repeatedly. I am divorced. It took me YEARS to get over that. Idk. It is hard.

I also have been hurt deeply ... My ex hurt me the most and I have trouble with forgiveness .... You will never forget the act but how I understand forgiveness is for you to heal ... I ask myself the question would I want to be forgiven for the wrongs I have done and it's helping me to learn to forgive him ... He's the last I have forgiven others I guess time has helped... I want to get out of victim mode and just move on with my life and I guess that's what it takes ... I hope you are successful ...((hugs)) polar

Thank you both. Hugs.

Vengeance will put you in the same category as those who abused you so although it may be a knee/jerk reaction we all want to be better then that.... Forgiveness is hard for sure... Really hard.... Perhaps write a letter to the people ... say whatever you need to and then burn the letter
Forgiveness is for you to heal.... That's the purpose of it.... Once you are able to forgive these people no longer have any power over you... Take your power back..... Big hug and a blessing....xo

I am a Christian so I give it to God. I find activities or hobbies that I know I can accomplish which makes me feel good about myself..

I was always told that you just have to forgive them in your heart and mind even if the feelings arent' there and in time the feelings will come and it won't bother you nearly as much. I also have been hurt so dddply. I had to finally just let it go and realize I was only hurting me. I stopped being angry and just took on that who cares attitude and after a while I don't even think of them anymore. I am sorry you are feeling this way and hope you find some resolution.

I have tremendous things that have happened in the past that have left me with no closure and upset and anger. forgive and forget seems like an ideal solution but so hard to do when you feel like it's shaped so much of the course of your life for so long. I guess I just chalk it up to experience....something about gaining strength through struggles. I dunno! Sorry you're feeling this way...hugs and strength!

Thank you and hugs

:ike SH I have been through so much in the past that i wouldn't begin to know where to forgive and forget because i don't know what prompted all the hatred and vitriol in the first place. bullying in the workplace i can move on from because that was pure jealousy and my life is so much better and easier without them in it and i was lucky enough to be able to keep my job and do most of it from home so i don't ever have to deal with them again. they nearly destroyed me though. i am sorry you are going through this. it is a touch one to stop thinking about or revisiting in your mind - replaying conversations etc... a good question i was asked once was 'is he/she paying you rent to be in your head?' if not, throw them out!

I've heard that one too, Irishwriter. I tried to "evict" these memories but the mind is a very complicated place. Thank you for your reply. Hugs.

In my own yaddahs, it is not a one just fix. When I have been deeply hurt, I seem to get hit by the whole negative emotion spectrum. Anger, shame, guilt, etcetera, etcetri. Each of the emotions attached needs a different handling that I can only work through one just at a time. To me, forgiveness is a natural result of working through the etceteras.

But that is me. . .

Hope you find what works for you, Zoe.

Oops. . . Sorry Jen. My bad. . . I am genuinely awful with names.

for me I forgive because I know Gods revenge is the best. But I literally cut them off entirely and don't look back. Done and Done whether it be family friend co worker. No time for bs life is way to short. I just been burned enough especially by family that I just cut people off. Let God deal with the rest.

Chicken soup for your tormented mind with all the pain you are carrying Jenn. Forgiveness is a word with many winding roads to choose from. For me, it is letting go of MY emotion surrounding the situation or issue. Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to be friendly with the person or even like them At All. When you are ready to let go of your emotional feelings, they have No Power Over You/Your Life. So essentially, you are accepting your feelings and forgiving yourself/understanding your feelings to the point, it's ok to feel the way you feel! But what you feel doesn't have to ruin your life. A long process, it took me 12 years to forgive my son's father for not being the father I Thought He Should Be To John, Gentle Everything, comfort to you.

there comes a day, jenn, when you wake up and in the scheme of things it doesn't matter anymore what anybody said or did. i hope it comes sooner rather than later for you. I still repeat some conversations in my head but these days i try and stop myself and divert. thank goodness we are all different or life would be very boring indeed. there is a chinese curse/proverb 'may you live an interesting life.' a little bit of boring would be fine now and then! hugs.