Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Stopped talking to me the day he met this girl he hangs out with all the time now.
I mean. I guess don't ever get comfortable enough with someone to where you put it past them to do something like that, but he's really a very rational person and I didn't think he'd do that.
Oh well. She's there. I'm here. I guess that's all the sense it needs to make.
I'm not really *sad* I guess I'm just extremely disappointed. My friend base is down to almost nothing.
I can't restock my friends quickly because I don't meet a lot of people, and the people I do meet, I'm not sure what constitutes getting close to a person. So I feel like it'd be weird to start hanging out with someone just because you met them and got along well, if that makes sense? I don't know. Because you both have your own lives, so it's like.... a weird concept to try and merge two lives together. IDK. Like I wouldn't feel right asking someone to try to put me in their life. I dunno.
One of my friends I used to be close to (but we're not really anymore) and I tried hanging out recently and he had s*x with me when I was too drunk to consent. I mean. Like 10-20 vodka shots. He was drunk too so I'm not sure whether he's responsible or not but I don't really want to see him again I don't think......
That night at 12am is when my phone plan expired so I think what that means is I can't send texts until I renew my data plan. Or if I do, the person won't get them. My friend who won't talk to me anymore and this girl I used to be in love with are the only 2 people I texted that I was possibly just raped (as in not sober enough or close to it to consent) and they didn't text me back.... But I don't know if they got them? Idk. I think they did though. L, the girl I once was in love with, has a really bad track record as far as her communication skills and J has been out with his friends (mostly just the one, ew) a lot lately so I kind of feel like they just didn't want to deal with me. Whether that's paranoia or not? I can't say.
My ex is still batshit crazy. We got in a fight over facebook ehhh and I was like "Look I'm not doing this with you ever again. You know the reason I put up with you? I'm trying to do this for M, so I can accept you enough to save my friendship with HER" and he apologized to me but I really don't care. He's insane. His facebook's filled with propaganda and he's a crazy vegan and just... I really don't want to talk to him ever again.
J is the anti-crazy-ex. Overly rational. But then he just did that. So. I'm thinking about cutting him out. I know for sure this at least calls for me backing way the hell off and putting a lot of distance between us.
It just. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Feels like I'm always having to put distance between myself and friends and others. Every time I have to do this (or it's done to me) I just really crave close friends more, but it's just one more piece of evidence that I can't have that, I will never have that.
And everyone always tells you, "That's life, baby. Suck it up. Get used to it. Get tougher." There's a line from a song, "All I See" by Lydia (I think? Something of Lydia's) "This isn't all we could be."
My life isn't all it could be, or even close to it. It fucks with my head. Fucks with my perception. Do I have it easy, or really bad? I know with 6 billion people there's a huge grey area but I just know my life could be so much more.
But it only gets harder. Harder to keep doing even the bare minimum, getting out of bed in the morning, showering, showing up to school, showing up to appointments.
I think that's why I'm so attracted to the idea of getting a job that pays very, very well with minimal hours. I know if I turn to exotic work I'll be kicked out the very same day, by my mother, because she thinks strippers are stupid and worthless human beings.
But money is the only thing I know that buys you a little bit of ease and simplicity. You won't have friends, but you'll have money to see your friends, so they don't move onto somebody else who does have money and time to go out and make memories with them. And you can buy yourself doctor's appointments so you don't spend all month stressing and wearing down your immune system worrying about getting sick and not having the money to take care of it.
I dunno. Sorry, I'm rambling.
I mean. I guess don't ever get comfortable enough with someone to where you put it past them to do something like that, but he's really a very rational person and I didn't think he'd do that.
Oh well. She's there. I'm here. I guess that's all the sense it needs to make.
I'm not really *sad* I guess I'm just extremely disappointed. My friend base is down to almost nothing.
I can't restock my friends quickly because I don't meet a lot of people, and the people I do meet, I'm not sure what constitutes getting close to a person. So I feel like it'd be weird to start hanging out with someone just because you met them and got along well, if that makes sense? I don't know. Because you both have your own lives, so it's like.... a weird concept to try and merge two lives together. IDK. Like I wouldn't feel right asking someone to try to put me in their life. I dunno.
One of my friends I used to be close to (but we're not really anymore) and I tried hanging out recently and he had s*x with me when I was too drunk to consent. I mean. Like 10-20 vodka shots. He was drunk too so I'm not sure whether he's responsible or not but I don't really want to see him again I don't think......
That night at 12am is when my phone plan expired so I think what that means is I can't send texts until I renew my data plan. Or if I do, the person won't get them. My friend who won't talk to me anymore and this girl I used to be in love with are the only 2 people I texted that I was possibly just raped (as in not sober enough or close to it to consent) and they didn't text me back.... But I don't know if they got them? Idk. I think they did though. L, the girl I once was in love with, has a really bad track record as far as her communication skills and J has been out with his friends (mostly just the one, ew) a lot lately so I kind of feel like they just didn't want to deal with me. Whether that's paranoia or not? I can't say.
My ex is still batshit crazy. We got in a fight over facebook ehhh and I was like "Look I'm not doing this with you ever again. You know the reason I put up with you? I'm trying to do this for M, so I can accept you enough to save my friendship with HER" and he apologized to me but I really don't care. He's insane. His facebook's filled with propaganda and he's a crazy vegan and just... I really don't want to talk to him ever again.
J is the anti-crazy-ex. Overly rational. But then he just did that. So. I'm thinking about cutting him out. I know for sure this at least calls for me backing way the hell off and putting a lot of distance between us.
It just. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Feels like I'm always having to put distance between myself and friends and others. Every time I have to do this (or it's done to me) I just really crave close friends more, but it's just one more piece of evidence that I can't have that, I will never have that.
And everyone always tells you, "That's life, baby. Suck it up. Get used to it. Get tougher." There's a line from a song, "All I See" by Lydia (I think? Something of Lydia's) "This isn't all we could be."
My life isn't all it could be, or even close to it. It fucks with my head. Fucks with my perception. Do I have it easy, or really bad? I know with 6 billion people there's a huge grey area but I just know my life could be so much more.
But it only gets harder. Harder to keep doing even the bare minimum, getting out of bed in the morning, showering, showing up to school, showing up to appointments.
I think that's why I'm so attracted to the idea of getting a job that pays very, very well with minimal hours. I know if I turn to exotic work I'll be kicked out the very same day, by my mother, because she thinks strippers are stupid and worthless human beings.
But money is the only thing I know that buys you a little bit of ease and simplicity. You won't have friends, but you'll have money to see your friends, so they don't move onto somebody else who does have money and time to go out and make memories with them. And you can buy yourself doctor's appointments so you don't spend all month stressing and wearing down your immune system worrying about getting sick and not having the money to take care of it.
I dunno. Sorry, I'm rambling.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
I remember when I was out at 17 and saw a younger girl who was passed out; underage drinking is the norm here; and I had considered taking advantage of her, but thank the Lord I didn't. (I was tee-total and horny as hell)
The Courts may think otherwise, but you WERE raped. Can you talk to a GUM clinic?
Sometimes I find myself wondering if my life is hard or easy - we don't have a lot of space, but enough for shelter, we don't have a lot of money, but we're fed and clothed, we don't have a lot of free time right now, but we find the time to spend together even if it's late at night. So then I think of how hard it is to start a day (out of bed, showered, dressed, ready to go). And it seems trivial, sometimes. But it's not, of course, it's real and really hard at times. Harder than it should be.
As for having lots of money: My father is very wealthy (we've been estranged for over 20 years) and I know he isn't happy - so money may make bills easier to pay or travel easier to do, but it doesn't mean you'll be any happier .... don't you think? It does buy simplicity and eases worries about how to pay bills, but all of the wealthy families that I know have just as many worries and concerns as I do. It doesn't always make life easier. Now, I'm rambling...
Your choices are really worry some to me though V... Drinking to the point of passing out and having someone rape you and then considering life as a stripper as it's easy money... Oh V please don't do this.... People in this industry go down a very dark path and often end up hurting because of it... You are so smart... Easy money!!!.. I doubt that there's anything easy about it... Big hug...xo