It sounds like you're on the right track. Time to tweak things up to reach your functional goal. Remember that there is a wide range of people who don't have mental illness who are much worse off than we are!

Thanks tommymott, I know you're right, I'm doing the right hing taking my meds faithfully, it just feels like they define my entire life, maybe that's just the way it has to be. Just struggling tonight - thanks for listening.

I too envy people that do not have mental illness.

I feel like I live from Bed Time to Bed Time ....pill to pill , night by night ...endless waiting for the next time to go to bed ....coffee in the morning is the High light of my day

yeah, dd - that's how I feel. And I get do frustrated waiting to feel good when I never do. The best I ever get is when I'm numb. I hate it.

I really feel for you heretic.

I work to earn meds so that I can go to work to earn the meds.

I take meds from first thing in the morn all the way to bedtime. I am sick of it sometimes, but I know I would be sicker without all the pills. I am frightened of losing my job (due to either physical or mental illness) and not being able to afford health coverage and my meds. Really terrified.

I wish for a greater level of well being for you. I have come to realize there is no "cure" but the treatment need not rob us of our very being.

Take care and ((((((((hugs)))))))

It is frustrating to feel good and never do. I envy people who dont have to deal with mental illness but is what is. Jus trying to deal with it but it really sucks.

Thank you all for taking the time to respond, I appreciate the support. Some nights are harder than other - no reason why they should be. But I'm glad I can be heard and understood here - thanks everybody.

I also envy "healthy" people. It really does suck to have to take pills all day. I'm there with you.

I know the feeling. I feel like my 99 year old grandmother. I guess what keeps me from feeling so down is that im not going through chemo or dyalsis....best of luck with your venture

I guess I've been so self-focused that I never considered that healthy people don't do this too. I just thought that was normal. That kinda sucks. Guess I envy them too.

I've been blaming God for my hellish life. Damn Him.

Trileptal

I am still scared of the antipsychotics.